IN... L.O.V.E...

CB is in love. My home gurl~co-worker~lil sis is so in love and I'm ecstatic for her. It's so cute to hear her talk about her boo... everything he says & does is sooo cute, even when they are mad at each other. I hate to unburden my pitiful madness on her but I do it anyway. I'm so glad that she doesn't dig up anything to complain about just so we could be on the same page. NO - the power of love is much too potent that it blocks out my relationship pettiness and overcomes it with new love sweetness...

What I'm also glad about is that I had the opportunity to talk to her boo today and it's clear that the feelings are mutual. I don't know what "the kid" has put on him but in my belief he's just as sprung as she is.

I remember having those same feelings....

My heart would stop or beat faster when I thought about him... my eyes would well up with tears with simple reflections... didn't think I'd let myself fall... I did everything in my power to prevent myself from retreating...

Slowly with every long & easy conversation... every kiss... every love making session when my bodily muscles tensed and secretions flowed....

I found myself captivated... seized... surrendering... and there I drifted in great, astonishing moments of bliss...

Sweetness poured from his lips... his hands always inviting... stroking... comforting...

Anticipating phone calls just to hear his voice... falling asleep on the phone... after midnight love games... pillow talking... play wrestling... cooking together... cooking for each other... watching him enjoy the food I prepared in love... laughing at everything and nothing at all... together...

CB is in her mid 20s and it's easy to attribute her giddiness to youth and inexperience but I'm a witness to love emerging and enduring through seasons, cycles, struggles...

What I like about CB is that she took her time. She didn't meet dude and fall in love with him within the first 2 weeks of knowing him and if she did, she was very good at keeping her emotions inside. Instead their love seemed to simmer slowly.

I truly wish the best for her. Lawd knows we've seen some loves come and go in both of our lives during our friendship and it's my hope that this is the one that seals the deal...

Why?

Because I've never been in a bridal party, not a bride's maid nor a maid of honor... AND because I want some God-children to baby-sit and help rear.

CB deserves it. We all deserve it. Real love.

It offers hope. Especially during this spring time season emerging.

Love is patient.
Love is kind.

Love does not envy.

Love does not boast.

Love is not proud.
Love is not rude.
Love is not self-seeking.

Love is not easily angered.
Love keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but it rejoices in truth.

Love always trusts, and believes all things.

Love always hopes.

Love always perseveres.

Love goes on forever.

It's Friday!!!!

PROFESSIONALLY I'm busting my chops and it seems like the more I do, the less results I see. PERSONALLY.... (In my head I'm singing) "When it all, All Falls Down".....
All feels crazy and overwhelming to me but I know there's a bigger picture and my troubles are minute in comparison.

It's Friday and even though the project I promised "them" that would be complete, perfect, and posted on the intranet today is a mess and undone and won't be done until at least Tuesday next week...

It's Friday and even though I won't be doing any resting because I've made commitments to do everything except relax and sleep...

It's Friday and I just got paid but I paid all my creditors and even lent out some dough so I'm almost back to broke...

It's Friday and one of my buddies who has been mad at me for about a month for my slick comment is no longer peeved and I'm so glad that I forgave him about 28 days ago...

It's Friday and there won't be any bedroom company for me (ho-hum) so I guess I'll chill at home with a bottle of Pinot Noir and watch In Treatment...

Happy Friday All!

Latin Lover

There's a Latin Lover, who I will refer to as LL from this point on, here at the j-o-b. I've considered him to be a cool cat. He's sexy, if you like the Rico Suave kind of man. From what I've heard he's intelligent as well. He lives in the Bronx, not too far from me, and we've taken the train to work and home together a time or two.


Before I continue, let me just say that I do not like LL. At all.

He's married and I've seen his wife. From the look that is on that woman's face I would never cross the boundary of messing with her man, along with the fact that I've dated married men in the past and that's something that I have vowed to never revisit. In fact, when they both ride the train together, he doesn't even bother speaking if he spots me. My guess is that he's scared of her wrath.

However, he's not scared enough because he's been having an ongoing affair with his supervisor. The rumor mill says that they've been seeing each other for about a year now. After about 3 months of the gossip, I got a little tired of the poop. I love a good office saga but theirs is a tab bit pathetic. She's an older woman who has fallen for LL and all of that good luvin' and now she dreams of matrimony and mixed race babies. He is completely through with the temporary distraction that their affair offered. A relationship like theirs is truly not over until the obsession ends...

Over the 9 years that I've been in this building I have found LL to be nice, well versed, but a big ole bother! He's too damned touchy-feely, even for an affectionate woman like myself but we're co-workers, not buddies, not friends, CO-WORKERS.

One day I happened to see him in one of the big empty rooms. This library happens to have quite a few places where 2 can sneak off into, BUT that was NOT the situation that particular morning. Being from the Bronx and taking Spanish until the 12th grade, I greeted him with a hearty "buenos dias" and what I received was an uncalled for molestation. My clothes were disheveled like I had been in a brawl and I had been because I had to break away from his grasp.

About a week ago I saw him outside of the building and instead of him just waving hello, dude grabs me by the waist for a sideways hug but he's rubbing up the side of my body. And I push him away and speed off to my destination.

But today, LL almost got his wrist broken. There was a big division meeting at work, all of the smaller departments attending and this crazy behind LL decided that he wanted to get frisky as I passed him to sit in an available seat. With an auditorium full of people and me having a higher title than he, he had the audacity to try to embarrass me by attempting to grab the booty. Now I can say that but he may have tried to rub my hip or my thigh... he very well could have. However I think my telepathic powers kicked in because my right hand flew behind me and I grabbed his hand before he made contact.

I usually don't play the title games but my old supervisor told me just before I graduated with my MLS that once I became a Librarian, I should not associate with people who weren't... in other words, don't associate with the lowly folks. I just happen to really like the lowly folks here at work. They are funnier. They talk about things that I like to talk about. Plus at one time I was a lowly folk but around here Librarians are the High and Mighty. Still I can't help myself. Like my girlie Deepnthought said last week, I love the underdog. Loving the underdog or not, I'm not about to commit career-suicide or have some of my colleagues looking at me like I'm crazy because some wanna be playa has a hand problem! I should have never sat in the back... or better yet, after mulling this crap through my brain all darn day, I think I'm going to have to pull LL's coat. What he did is considered sexual harassment workplace 101 and it just isn't cool.

FRIENDS...

So last night, while I was still fuming over the little things that are looming through my relationship and battling a sore throat, I get a phone call from my sister-friend DC.

Like most women, I have several friends who serve different purposes in my life. DC is that friend who I can cry with, she'll hold my hand. I can call her at 2 a.m., she'll hear me out. I need someone to do some investigating with, she'll be my accomplice. However she's not that advice giving, uh-huh gurl, girlfriend. I have known her for several years. We've been through ups and downs. I've cut her out of my life, cursed her out and a time or two we even got into a little scuffle. Through it all, I'm down for her and she's down for me, as sisters should be.

She calls last night and she tells me all is well with her... work, relationship and money. I'm surprised. I'm happy for her but I'm shocked because DC is a Drama Queen undoubtedly. The rest of the conversation was on me and I let loose, updating her on all that has gone down since I last saw her, which was about 2 weeks ago. She laughs through the funny, says "what?" over the ridiculous, but when I'm done spilling, she asks me "What are you doing on Friday?". I'm probably taking off from work or working a half day and I relay this to her. She then says, "Why don't we go to the movies and see "Meet the Browns"?. We actually saw that hilarious play at the Beacon Theater 4 years ago.... but in that moment, my problems weren't problems anymore. In fact, I'm not even mulling that crap through my brain. Now I'm looking forward to Friday, hooking up with my friend, getting some good food to eat and just chillin'.

In 1996, my grandfather died. Me and DC were cool back then but hardly tight. What sealed our friendship was when she called to ask me if I wanted to go to the movies about 2 days before the funeral. "Set It Off" had just come out but I wasn't really up going to the movies. I was feeling pretty badly over losing my grandfather even though he had been sick for many years. I didn't want to leave my mom either, who was completely out of it since her father passed. DC insisted and she was coming over to my house to get me. That night gave me a necessary break from my sorrow although during the cab ride going back to my house our cab was pulled over by police officers. Me, DC and our other friend EV wore matching baseball caps and apparently after seeing the movie, some females were terrorizing cab drivers. So po-po pulled our cab over, ordered us "bitches" to get out of the cab, open our bags and empty our pockets while they questioned the driver. Of course we weren't trying to set it off that night so we were let go without apology.

Aside from that irritating disturbance, I'll always be thankful for DC for doing then what she did for me last night. I'm not quite sure why she's not the type of friend to say "you don't deserve that mess" or "leave him, leave him". Perhaps because she knows that I'm not taking any advice from her anyway. But she's certainly my bff for true and as for my relationship problems... who knows?

A Woman's Threat

I am having a severe case of Monday Blues, I am in such a crummy mood, along with the fact that I feel an itch in my throat, my left throat gland is swollen and it feels like I have a ton of bricks on my shoulders. It's only 45 degrees outside but there's cold air coming through the vents here at work.

I have been venting all day to my friends (stupid, nonsensical issues that should not turn into problems that threaten to jeopardize a long-term, outwardly stable, inwardly brittle relationship), thank God for my friends, and thank God for that chester, R. Kelly. I have been singing the lyrics to R. Kelly's "A Woman's Threat" all damned day! Nigga please!

My time, my patience, my love
My blood, my sweat, my tears
My burdens, my drama, my pain
My car, my money, my home
My ups, my downs, my fears
And my hours, my work, my strength
My fault, my this, my that
Nigga please
My shakin', my sleep, my stress
My days, my nights, my rest
My do's, my don'ts, my dares
And my church, my pastor, my prayers
My all, my faith, my powers
And my kitchen, my sink, my towels
My joy, my sad, my hate
And my sister, my cousin, my friends
My lights, my gas, my bills
My role, my way, my will
My hollerin', my fussin', my fights
Nigga please
My future, my hopes, my dreams
My panties, my socks, my things
My flowers, my dress, my ring
My man, my lover, my king
My live, my chance, my fault
And my guts, my courage, my wounds
My fence, my neighbors, my yard
My chains, my lock, my guards
My win, my lose, my gain
And my credit, my card, my name
Myself, my freedom, my roof
Nigga please

If you don't stop
(This is a warning)
Someone's gonna lay in your bed
(This is a warning)
And someone's gonna eat your food
(This is a warning)
And someone's gonna wear your clothes
(This is a warning)
And someone's gonna fit your shoes
(This is a warning)
And someone's gonna get your keys
(This is a warning)
And someone's gonna open your doors
(This is a warning)
Someone's gonna get your check
(This is a warning)
This is a woman's threat
Baby, this is a woman's threat

I Remember

The Grown Woman Me Remembers…

…When I used to go to sleep later than 12:30, wake up before 6:30 and be alert and active.

…When these pants that I wore today were a wee bit looser.

…When I used to be on time for work and it was actually routine – and I am so very glad that I finally arrived to work on time today – the first for the New Year.

…The look on my ex’s face when I told him that I would not accept his proposal of marriage by way of his mama and her prophesying dream.

…The night my “first” boyfriend called me after 14 years to apologize for each and every wrong he ever did – things I knew and things I had no clue about.

…When it took 3 days for my heart to mend instead of 3 months… 3 years.

…In the early days of my relationship when I saw my love 5 times a week… when we got busy 15 times a week… when I heard nothing but sweetness 7 days a week.

…When there was no tension in my shoulders from unnecessary stress or heavy shoulder bags.

…When all I had to do was worry about getting up, getting to school, doing my homework, who was going to be my boyfriend, going to birthday parties, going school shopping, Easter shopping and summer camp....

The Little Girl Me Remembers…

…Watching as the sun shone through the living room window and onto the floor during the noon hour.

…Making my own mix tapes from the radio while listening to the 8PM countdown.

…The day my dad bought me my first 10 speed and the neighborhood kids were all jealous when I came riding through.

…When my mother used to press my hair for Easter and always made sure I wore a hat with a ribbon that matched my dress and pocketbook.

…Dancing & rhyming along to Eric B. & Rakim’s “Eric B. Is President” & Audio Two’s “Top Billin”

…Getting this big ole scar on my arm from riding on my cousin Pep’s handlebars and that heffa rode too close to the curb so that when the dip came, my azz flew off and scraped up my left arm.

…When I wanted to be in my 30s, married, a mother, owning a home and driving a little red corvette like my Auntie P....

Librarian… Me

Me and my supervisor were discussing just this morning about the stereotypical spinster librarian… the sexually questionable woman who owns a cat, does very little outside of work except read for fun and play with her cat, you know the seemingly boring woman with the glasses, the hair bun, the plaid skirt and the pursed lips.

One of the librarians who works somewhere in this institution was featured in an article in the NY Daily News about 2 weeks ago about her lost cat. A quote from the article says: "I'm always going to double-check the carrier," she said, before gazing at her beloved kitty." And me and my sup gasped! LOL

We [my supervisor and myself] have taken on the fight of beating down the stereotypical image of Librarians by being hip, cute, fashionable, and with interests in more than just electronic resources, reference sources, data imaging, migrations of every sort and the standard and perfunctory cataloging jargon. But then you got those Librarians with their beloved kitties who are just messing stuff up!

While instant messaging at work... me and my co-worker Liryc got to talking about a whole lot, life, careers and she happened to question me about Librarianship. So here it goes....

Liryc: Did you see yourself working as a Librarian as a child?
Ms.KiA: Not really.
Liryc: What did you want to be?
MS.KIA: A writer, a singer, a fashion designer, a hair dresser, a dancer. I still want to be a singer, a dancer, a fashion designer, a hair dresser.
Liryc: LOL... seems like a totally different direction than where you are now? What made you do the total opposite of what your passion or dream was?
Ms.KiA: The one school my mother actually pushed me to audition for Fashion Industries HS because she knew that fashion and designing was my passion. I still have my sketches from elementary school and I sketch even now when I’m bored, but I followed my friends to Washington Irving HS. I started my undergraduate studies in Social Work, and then I wanted to make some money. So I switched to Accounting and Business, and then I started to fail outta school, so then I went into Psych, which is my next passion under cosmetology. Then I started working here and then I figured let me do librarianship. And well I’m such a librarian at heart it's crazy. This comes so natural.
Liryc: I see. Is it because you're a literary person and you thought that it meshed so well? Do you have any regrets?
Ms.KiA: No regrets! Literary... possibly... but it's more systematic, organizing and disseminating information for public use.
Liryc: You wouldn't change a thing if you were given the opportunity?
Ms.KiA: I would add some things, stop being lazy but not change a thing
Liryc: You're used to a pattern?
Ms.KiA: Used to a pattern.... yes. And researching, analyzing.
Liryc: Do you think you'd like to have something else on the side, for added income?

PAUSE

Ms.KiA: Are you trying to sell me some pyramid scheme?
Liryc: LOL… No
Ms.KiA: Sure I would do something on the side. Not quite sure what. I know I’m not done with librarianship or doing something else in this career. I'd definitely like to work with young readers, probably some type of literacy work.
Liryc: So you've definitely made this your career?
Ms.KiA: Of course, for now until about 10 years. I’d like to work in an educational environment, school or academic librarianship, quite possibly on the vendor end, developing electronic content.
Liryc: Then what’s the new objective?
Ms.KiA: Owning my own business, publishing, writing full time, doing hair, singing, dancing…
probably just writing and publishing
Liryc: I think you should write
Ms. KiA: Thank you
Liryc: How about continuing on with your Psychology degree? Getting your Psi D., ever thought about that?
Ms.KiA: Wow, I recently thought about pursuing my Psi D., only because it's not as aggressive as attaining the PhD in Psyche but I'm still not sure.
Liryc: You'd make a lot more money and you'd still have that flexible schedule.
Ms.KiA: I use my psych degree e'ryday, diagnosing all of y'all!
Liryc: LOL... I agree. That has to be the best part of Abnormal Psychology, learning about the disorders and self diagnosing. Wait! I'm not crazy. According to the DSM IV, I'm completely sane.
Ms.KiA: Ummm, sure you are.... You have Anxiety Disorder, Reactive Attachment Disorder, and Schizoaffective Disorder.
Liryc: I am not schizo! Yes I do have anxiety disorder. That's a definite. So before working at the Library, where did you work?
Ms. KiA: In a bookstore chain... and before that at St. John's University... bookstore. I think I was destined to be around books. What I've found is that everyone at some point in life needs a Librarian to provide them with the start they to begin their research assignment or the reference they need to finish. It's just great to sit in front of a pc all day and not get into trouble for internet surfing because it's just a part of work. But it's even better to know that I've found my niche, me and my sup are crazy cool, mostly because we're more like peers in this field, and my other co-workers are socially phobic, compulsive crazy cool too!