in solitude...

if the life expectancy is still seventy years of age, then in the next five days i am embarking upon mid-life...
i expected the excitement and the thrill of reaching this milestone to engross me... i expected to celebrate my b'earthday with a big shebang with my friends... with my love... parties... las vegas... dinners and the like...

however as my day approaches, i'm not really in the party mood.  i do not want to go to a club. a trip to vegas does not agree with my pocketbook and while my friends are eager to help me celebrate, my b'earthday is really about me, not them.

i questioned myself and my mental... could i be slightly depressed? feeling that my life has not quite met my expectations, am i full of regret? am i quietly reluctant about turning 35 and therefore hesitant to celebrate?

now right here is where i can begin the lie and say that i am rejoiceful and excited. i can write that i can't wait to see what awaits me for the next 35. i am positive and forward thinking and openly expectant... but i'm telling you... that would be a lie.

i question the choices i have made.  and while i am forward thinking, i am also wondering... am i happy with my life choices? am i saving enough money? given the time and chance, what will i do differently?  what can i do better? and in my examination of me i suppose the pleasure of celebration has departed...

at 34 years and 360 days of age... i do not have regrets.  i really could have handled myself and some people differently but i know that everything in my life is as it should be. the people, my family and friends, are divinely placed.  i have lived... i mean i have liveded and i am, overall, pleased with my choices.

if i am blessed to, i will be sure celebrate many more b'earthdays with fanfare.  i will finally visit vegas and paris, rio and johannesburg. i will throw myself or possibly someone will throw me big surprise b'earthday bashes. i will buy my first home and my first car (it is so not necessary to drive in nyc). i embrace that i have some more living and learning and loving to do but when the clock strives twelve on year thirty-five, i will gratefully celebrate my life just as it is (which in truth is full of content and peace and plentiful blessings)...

i will enjoy myself in solitude...

Random Words I Type... Birthday Love...

I bask in the glow of turning 34...

I celebrated my birthday all weekend long... beginning when my friend arrived in town on Friday night... and then on Saturday with my awesome friends...

This was the 1st birthday I've ever had when I planned my very own outing. I usually stay low-key when my birthday comes around. I'll go to the movies, the spa, hang out with a friend or a love but never before have I planned something for me and my friends. When I turned 30, my ex planned my birthday celebration with a couple of close friends. That was nice and intimate... but this time I decided to do something fun, engaging... something I've never done...

Hookah!!!This here is me and my co-worker, my partner in crime, my play sister, play cousin, my ace, CB. See the boobies? It was their birthday celebration too! LOL - do you see the hookah pipe? I would have posted a pic of me and my guy but he insisted that I do not post of pic of him on my blog. Boooo to him. But he's the one who took this pic of us...

For those who don't know hookah is a water-pipe filled with fruit and a mild tobacco. I found this fabulous hookah lounge in the West Village and we passed the pipe with some fresh pineapple. It was wonderful! And to top the night... a belly dancer graced us with a performance... one of my friends let her know that it was my birthday and she called me up to dance... I had to show and prove! LOL


On Sunday, my actual birthday, after going to church, me and my friend enjoyed an intimate seafood dinner at one of my favorite seafood restaurants. "We must have oysters", he told me, "They're aphrodisiacs", he explained... and we dined on raw oysters, clams, fried calamari and red sangria...


I truly enjoyed my birthday and the celebration continues for the entire month of October... this birthday has been so lush, so decadent, and overwhelming. I'm grateful for another year of life. I am grateful for a plethora of blessings. I received numerous cards and gifts from my friends and most of all, I was and still am filled to overflowing with love.

After Birthday and I'm Still Celebratin'

My birthday was almost a week ago and it was one of the bestest ones yet. I celebrated by waking up at my birth time. It's weird but I'm a weird person and it's my birthday so I do what I wanna. Then I cooked my own breakfast of toast, hash browns & egg whites with some coffee (aaah!).
My mom finally picked out the armoire for me that she has been searching for. My old dresser was a hot mess with missing drawers but I'm just not a home furnishing type of woman. I would rather spend a day off at a Broadway show or at a movie theater or just hanging out, reading than to survey furniture or home furnishings. I really like the dresser though. It fits all of my clothes and then some and I was able to clear out some of my other spaces.
I needed to get my hair done in the worst way and when my partner came through with my other gifts I realized getting my hair done wasn't going to happen if I was to see The Color Purple that night!!!!!!! SO MUCH EXCITEMENT!!!
My mom told me that Fantasia does not appear in each performance so the whole time that I'm riding down I'm hoping and praying that Ms. Barrino would grace the stage and lemme tell you, she did - she sang, she portrayed Celie just as Alice Walker fictionalized her, as much as Whoopi was back in 1985, every member of the cast that night was terrific and I cried, I was moved, overjoyed, enlightened and elevated!!!
I could carry on about my gifts, I didn't receive a whole lot but I did get this really nice Banana Republic bag and I just LOVE it, love it. LOL
I finally got my hair done on Friday and I cut a bang - it's too cute. That was an issue for me because as I'm climbing the latter of age and wisdom and growing more and more bored daily I wanted to do something to create a spark. The bang is working.
So now that I'm 32 years old, I'm creating some new aspirations because I'm finding that I'm feeling monotonous and cutting my bang continuously ain't gonna cut it. I spent my 20s educating myself and now that I'm here in my 30s I'm feeling the urges of parenthood, home buying instead of tenement living, examining that 401K, 403B, making sure I have my life insurance up to par, trying to be very much fab and not too much flab (na'mean -LOL), just living life it, realizing that it's best to take things day by day and not try to jam it all in and creating new, wonderful memories with the special people in my life and the few that I randomly encounter...