through the seasons...

he played sade for me... he knows how i love sade... if i'm pissed i throw on sade and chill.  he knows my favorite song.  he said "if that didn't work i was gonna put on anita"...

he made the drive to new york. after months of let-downs and angry words, he appears at my door saturday afternoon with flowers, eyes filled with sincerity and a cd to play sade. i am quick to anger and slow to forgive. i am hardened by the months that we've been apart.

we talked face-to-face. it bothered me to end our relationship over text messages, email and telephone but i did it anyway. however after seeing him and being in his presence, i forgave him.  slowly the anger melted from me.  slowly love wrapped its way around my words and my facial expressions.  slowly, i forgave him, he forgave, we communicated straight from our hearts.

our loveship is different.  it's special.  we have known each other since we were teens.  we lost touch for a while but when we reconnected, we fell into a familiar rhythm, it felt so right, it felt complete. i love him, i have always loved him and he loves me.

this wasn't a kiss and make-up session - it was truth-telling, harsh but honest. at the end of our conversation we discovered that all we really want is to be happy. for months everything seemed so complicated, clouded and perplexed, yet in an instant, everything became clear again, light and revived... that's what truth-telling will do.

i'm not his lady, he's not my dude, we don't count the days, months or years, we just are...we are friends, we are mates, i don't own him and he doesn't own me... this could end next week or it could last a lifetime.

i love him with an open heart... i don't want to control him and he doesn't want to control me... as he was leaving i told him "let's not pretend"... our attraction and affection has always been effortless... if we cannot be genuine with each other, then we should allow nature to have its way... simple... i did find that when i allowed love to govern, when i surrendered my ego and allowed love to quietly reign, he reflected that love right back to me...

we're not over... but we didn't peddle backwards... we put our issues to bed... we moved forward...




*artwork: sweet magnola by jared small

Tell Him... Validation

The other day I was having a conversation with my brother. He tells me of one afternoon when he and his wife were sitting on the couch, enjoying a movie. A question rose within him and he turns to his wife and asks.. "Am I your prince?". Her response to him was... "If you gave me what I want, when I want it, however I may want it, then you'd be my prince. So to answer your question... No, you're not." My brother was devastated. I was hurt just from listening to him retell the story. I really wanna choke out his wife but... The therapist in me asks... "Well, how did that make you feel?" His response was... "Insignificant" (I am paraphrasing, just so you know). We continued talking and he goes on to tell me that all he wanted in that moment was to be validated.

"Let me be patient let me be kind
Make me unselfish without being blind
Though I may suffer I'll envy it not
And endure what comes
Cause he's all that I got and

Tell him..."

We've all been there... asking our lovers, partners, "How do I look today?", "Am I pretty?", "Am I fine?", "Do I captivate you?". Sometimes we doubt ourselves, question our worth, question what we're giving to the relationship and we ask questions like, "Am I all you ever wanted?", "Do I make you happy?", "Are you satisfied?", "Content?". For some who've been going through hell in their personal lives and in their relationships, we long to hear reassurances, validations, just a little something to provide some wind to our wings.

I wished like hell my brother would have married a woman who would have said to him... "Prince? To hell with that! You're my King! You are beyond that!" Everybody at some point wants to feel like they are top shelf, first choice, the King/Prince... Queen/Princess in someone's life. While me and my brother talked, I reassured him, reminding him of the qualities he brings to the marriage, reminding him that he's a good man... but I know he didn't care to hear that from his little sister.

We finally got off the phone and I thought it over for days after... Of course I was fuming because no one messes with my big bro, not even his wife... but then my compassionate side spoke and said to me... She does not know how...

"Now I may have faith to make mountains fall

But if I lack love then I am nothin' at all

I can give away everything I possess

But left without love then I have no happiness

I know I'm imperfect & not without sin

But now that I'm older all childish things end

And tell him..."

I want to believe that if she knew what he wanted to hear, she would have answered that question differently. I want to believe that she's got her issues that does not allow her to address the emotional needs of her husband... And let's face it, it's hard to believe that men even have an emotional side. Women are the emotional species and men are the rational, devoid of emotion. We assume that because they are physically stronger, they are emotionally strong too. That's simply not the case.

Men need to be encouraged just as women do. They want compliments, support, and affection. They may not ask for it or demand it like a woman does... but when we love them, we must love them as we love ourselves...

"Tell him I need him

Tell him I love him

And it'll be alright"

Music Backdrop: "Tell Him" by Lauryn Hill

Healthy Heart

This morning alike every morning, the 1st phone call I receive is from my mum. She says, "K, don't forget to wear your red today". I'm baffled on the phone, like, "red?". "Yes Ma (she calls me Ma), red for National Wear Red day" she responds.

So today, I have on a gorgeous red sweater, red costume jewelry earrings and my red coat to match. I left my red dress pin at home.

Today along with the entire month is devoted to spreading the word and bringing awareness to heart disease, how we are all at risk, and especially how it affects women.

Unfortunately I unhealthily ate some french fries and drank a soda for lunch but I'll leave that alone... for now.

When heart health popped into my mind, I thought, yes about the cardiac muscle, the organ itself and how it pumps blood through blood vessels... I thought about putting healthy foods in my body and exercising to keep my heart well and thriving. But I also thought about my figurative heart, the conscious, where my soul lies. The two are related because while it is beneficial to eat right and exercise, it is also imperative that we take heed to what we allow to enter our consciousness.

I think about when we eat unhealthily, drink unhealthily and abuse alcohol and drugs, it destroys our physical bodies. And just the same when we engage in negative self-talk, allow negative thoughts to enter our minds, and allow fear instead of love to dominate our lives, it kills the spiritual body and eventually spreads outward to our physical body.

Today I take pay attention to what and how I'm feeling.
Today I speak lovingly.
Today I am in tuned to attitudes and behaviors that serve me well.
Today I am filled with a peace that surpasses all understanding.

Happy Friday, BlogPeeps! May you all have a loving weekend, enjoying the beautiful days ahead.

PEACE