Flaws and All

My friend and I share a love of go-go music. When he came to NY for my birthday, he popped in a mixed CD and I fell in love with the go-go version of Beyonce's "Flaws and All". After I listened the song about 10 times, he turned to me and said, I think that's another one of our songs.

We have a list of songs... "Sweetest Taboo" by Sade, "Been So Long" by Anita Baker, "Silent Treatment" by The Roots, "Whatever You Want" by Tony, Toni Tone, "Without You" by Charlie Wilson and "Easy" by Lionel Ritchie... and each of those songs holds a special place for us.

A couple of weeks ago while watching Desperate Housewives, the episode when Lynette's breasts we're swelling from pregnancy and along with every man who came in contact with her, her husband was excited about her new look. But the truth is after the baby arrives her breasts will deflate and so she asks her husband why did he marry her knowing that he likes large breasts and her normal size comes up short. His response was he's glad that she doesn't normally have them or she'd be perfect (I'm paraphrasing here) and he needs her to have one flaw so that it's ok that he has so many.

So while my friend has attached this song to our connection... feeling for each other in spite of our shortcomings... "Flaws and All" is a personal song for me. For me, it means that I give myself a break for not being perfect, for being more emotional than rational at times, for my cellulite, my coarse and curly hair, for the corns on my pinkie toes, for not knowing everything and my memory lapses.

I know that God doesn't make any mistakes... he created me as I am... all of my perfect imperfections... So who am I to not understand, accept and love all of me... flaws and all...

Today I... Random Words I Type

Today I...
... am so tired. I'm not as youthful as I look! LOL I need to get at least 5 hours rest but last night I thought I could run a marathon or something and only got 3 hours....

Today I...
... look so good in my new pair of jeans

Today I...
... found out that they are transferring my partner in crime, CB. But we are unstoppable! As long as there is instant messaging and a staircase near, we cannot be separated, but I will miss her big head. All I can do is turn my head around to see if she's at her desk before I walk over or... call her. Yes we call each other even though we are literally a couple of feet away! The thing is, my supervisor is seated between us. She won't have a phone upstairs, at least not right away but we'll find a way to communicate.

Today I...
... was lovingly reprimanded for my egotistical behavior

Today I...
... realized that sometimes I try so hard when really I need to fall back and realize that everyone just wants to be happy and since we're not here to hurt each other, I must learn to speak lovingly

Today I...
... still want to be wrapped up in my his arms, laying up in bed, instead of working

Today I...
... want to eat nothing but comfort food (mashed potatoes, corn, creamed spinach, cake, hot cocoa)

Today I...
... smiled a genuine smile at one of my co-workers who I really can't stand

Today I...
... miss his picture text messages

Today I...
... will go straight home after work, take care of my household and watch my fave ABC shows

Today I...
... want to believe that true love exists and have no doubt

I Know I'm Snappish - Blame it on the Estrogen!!!

I'm not a fan of makeup, however I do wear it from time to time like on some Sunday's for church and the occasional moments when I do party but I don't knock the people who do wear it everyday. Most times I don't feel that I even look right or that I've applied the eye-shadow correctly at all. I love to see my co-workers done up and I enjoy watching the steady armed women who apply make-up on the trains, which actually grosses me when I think of the contaminants circulating on the MTA. But for my everyday, lotion, maybe mascara, (usually under the duress of my younger alter ego) and lip gloss will do. A few years ago, I was caught off guard at the Fashion Fair counter and I had a brief makeover. I was adorable when I walked out of the department store, with $100 worth of make-up to boot. For me, it's hard as heck for me to get up in the morning and get to work on time but surely applying make-up would keep me in the mirror even longer and it's just not worth it.

While I am not picture perfect, I accept the way I look, in fact I love it. I highly regard fashion magazines and all that jazz but I enjoy it as it is, an artist's work. My own complexion is not even. I wear the fading marks of hormonal and infrequent break-outs on my cheeks and I have what I refer to as West Indian darkness (the inheritance of my Antiguan father), otherwise known as under-eye circles. I admire those with smooth skin but that's not what I have and though Ambi products & I are tighter than Jordash, I can't see myself reaching for cover-up. And as for eye make-up, I rub my eyes too much and that's all I need to do is ruin my own work or spend my day trying not to ruin my "face". I'm telling you, mascara is a hot mess when you already have the W.I. darkness and you've mistakenly added to it. I opt to apply a little sheer lip gloss and roll out.

A friend of mine recently took a picture of me and while I do enjoy his artistry, I instantly looked at the photo and knew he had touched me up. After cursing him out, venting, ranting off and on for hours and accusing him of being a "photoshop junkie", I sat down and realized that I loved the retouched picture. It was perfect but when I look at myself in the mirror, I do not see the person in that picture and briefly I felt bad about my uneven complexion and my under-eye circles that suddenly made me look extremely racoonish. He showed me the untouched photo and I love both of them and felt bad for the way I spoke to him. He changed the photo to the original and I told him that the first photo was fine but I see he hasn't made the changes to his Flickr page yet but I'll consider that laziness and not a shrug at me for the mistreatment he received.

Another friend of mine and blogmate Miss-Stress posted "What is Beauty Anyway? (I think that's the title but I'm not sure and I won't check it today because the title isn't relevant, the content is). In her post she spoke about make-up and body types and hair textures and it really is a good post, I agree with her completely. So I apologize to you FP for my loose lips. You love me and forgive me, I know you do sucka! but as I let you know before I stormed away from you today is that I appreciate my natural self: blemishes, "roller coaster curves" and all. The pic you created doesn't change the way I feel about me and I had to remind myself of that today.