Random Words I Type

"I don't just want to have a boyfriend-I could have five boyfriends. I want someone who is part of my destiny." India.Arie -Essence, June 2002

I have an on the job friend who offers to take me to lunch, offers to pay my cell phone bill, and just last year offered take me to Paris. I'm sure he's a wonderful man and I could accept the material gifts he has to offer but right now that's not enough.

I ended my 4 year relationship last year and started up a new rendezvous that I believe has suffered its last fizzle just today. I'm okay with putting my past to bed and I'm moving forward to the better that life offers because I've learned to appreciate myself and damnit, I deserve it.

When I hung up with my friend who was making demands on me yet not carrying any weight or making his presence known in this relationship, that experience only reinforced how great and wonderful I truly am. I have no reason to settle.

I believe that compromises should be made in relationships. You have to carve out time that you would normally spend with your girls or time spent with your boys but one demand I will never adhere to... Quieting my voice.

For the next dude who comes my way... Please know that I love and appreciate chivalry but that's only the beginning. You have to be emotionally stable, financially responsible and doing a great job prioritizing your life, i.e. spending quality time with your child/children.

I have standards and for the first time in years I'm truly going to stick to them. I love The Happy Go Lucky Bachelor's Deal Breakers. Everyone should have and know what their deal breakers are. And keep to them. Why should anyone settle for less just to say that they have?

I am an established, stable woman. For me, it's only up from here. If you're still trying to find and redefine yourself and you're over 35 years of age, I am not your type of woman. That is not to say that there is no room for growth or to improve oneself. That should be done daily.

When I read India.Arie's article in Essence almost 7 years ago, that comment above has stuck with me since. I too want someone who is part of the intricacies of me, my growing, my aging, my creativity - finding joy in just getting to know and loving me.

But not right now...

I'm still bursting from the excitement that this new year has already brought in. Already this month, I'm doing new things and living purposefully. Plus I LOVE spending time alone. Sure it would be nice to have someone to go to events with or someone waiting at home for me to tell about my day. However, when the time is right, I know my destiny man will come along and I'll be ready for him when he arrives.

Writing Reality Checks

Waking up this morning I was feeling slightly down. Woke up alone. The heat was piping in my apartment but my bed was cold.

Reality check

I went directly for my Sade cd. Wanted to listen to Lover's Rock, King of Sorrow, Somebody Already Broke My Heart... but then I found a blank cd I created a while ago, popped it in. Just Fine by Mary J. Blige. I created it months ago for my morning workouts and forgot all about it - and about the intentional morning workouts. Just the song I needed to hear this Saturday morning to get my body and my mind moving.

Reality check

About to mope. About to let my Saturday low keep me from the sunshine outside. About to let one person, one night, one comment, one situation, one bad relationship, no two bad relationships, nonsensical drama and straight bull keep me from living out today.

Reality check

Mary sangs...
No time for moping around, are you kidding?
And no time for negative vibes, cause I'm winning
It's been a long week, I put in my hardest
Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right

I'm sure my neighbors are pissed as hell with me right now because not only am I playing Mary, Faith, Angie, Jill and Erykah (my get low just to make you feel good sisters), I am blasting 'em. Their music, the beats, the rhythm, is all I want to hear to drive out the drone of my melancholy. I had one helluva week. A quit my job, chop of my hair, curl up in my mother's lap and let her love and nurture me, eat Oreos, chocolate ice cream, Doritos and drink chocolate soy milk kind of a week. Instead I'm drinking iced Red Zinger tea, yogurt and a banana. Cause I "Got my head on straight, I got my vibe right / I ain't gonna let you kill it / You see I wouldn't change my life, my life's just... FINE" Ain't no monkey gonna stop my grind because I'm about to be fit, fabulous and oh so fine in 2009.

Reality check

I can deal with solitude. That's what books and telephones were created for. One quick phone call to my mum, dad or a trusted friend, and my solitude evaporates. Solitude has no hold on me. However that's not what I woke up next to. Solitude is not what I felt this morning at all. I woke up next to dejection. I woke up next to self-pity and I was about to throw a pity party with an invitation for one. My Lover's Rock cd is the same brand and has no label just like my Growing Pains cd... so I'm glad I picked the right one. Sade is my friend and we've gone through some times but not today Sade.

"Feels so good, when you're doing all the things that you want to do

Get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new

It's a really good thing to say

That I won't change my life, my life's just fine"