Tuesday, June 8, 2010

herstory


nineteen years ago... we sat at my kitchen table.  it was mid-summer and she was spending the summer in new york city rather than her suburban hometown.  she told me she thought she was pregnant. i didn't want to believe it. i didn't want her to be pregnant.  being pregnant meant that we weren't little girls anymore.  i mean i would still be the little girl but she'd be the woman.  i think back to then and realize that... wow, we were never really close after that summer...

i took my $20 weekly allowance and bought a $10 pregnancy test.  we needed to know.  we had been hanging out kinda tough and we had been drinking. she had been pregnant once before.  her father took her to get an abortion and afterward cursed her, telling her she'd be knocked up again in 6 months.  through tears she swore she wouldn't be.  she swore she'd be a good girl, get good grades, stay away from boys.  4 months later we sat in my bathroom, her on the commode, me on the side of the tub and cried because that clear blue easy line appeared and got darker and darker and our suspicions were confirmed and WE felt like WE failed.

i asked her what she was gonna do.  i had friends who got free abortions.  i kept the number just in case i ever slipped up.  she didn't have to return home to handle her business, WE could get her a free abortion right away, act like nothing ever happened and she'd return home in august as if our summer was filled with fun and good times.  she must have wrestled with that thought all night because the next morning, with red rimmed eyes, she looked at me and told me SHE was keeping her baby. damn what her father said and felt. damn that free abortion that i told her about. the 1st child was aborted and that was all her father's idea, but this 2nd child was created in love and keeping this was her conviction.

for the next 2 weeks i cooked every meal for her - breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks.  one day i chased the ice cream truck halfway down the block because she was feigning for a chocolate cone with sprinkles.  with my following week's allowance, i bought her a huge jar of palmer's cocoa butter for her belly that hadn't stretched at all, but we knew it would.

she returned home and didn't tell her parents a word.  she hid her pregnancy and put up a front every month as if she was receiving her cycle.  eventually her mother found out and told my mother and my mum, the clairvoyant one, she knew that i knew... could remember that one week when my penny pinching self spent all of my allowance in 2 days.

nineteen years later... and this young lady is now a happy and successful woman.  she is married to the love of her life, she has 3 beautiful children, owns a home, owns 2 cars and her eighteen year old daughter has gone to her prom and has earned her high school diploma.  as i beamed at my little cousin's prom and graduation pics i couldn't help but think of that summer and admire my cousin's determination to keep her baby.  it wasn't easy.  my cousin leaned and depended on her parents for years!  slowly but surely she gained her independence and handled her grown womanness.  if she listened to me, there'd be no celebration taking place, no tears of joy, no witness to God's miracle of life - and i'm glad that she was determined to do things her way.



12 comments:

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

Wow...great read.

How easy it is to take the 'easy' way out. Glad your cousin can celebrate a great milestone and great times that came after the struggle.

BTW - My friend's bday is in August but he will be more than happy to see me again in October. Let me know when you plan to hit Vegas. I'll meet you there :)

The True Urban Queen said...

There is a chain letter or something like that . . .that tells of famous people whose mothers decided against abortion.
I never judge people for their choices and it is a woman's right to choose.
With that said. . I am happy for your cousin and that she chose to keep her baby and that in the end everything worked out great.

Lovebabz said...

All is as it should be. But let me tell you...you do not have that kind of power. Even if she would have listened to you...it is ALWAYS GOD'S WILL in the end. This is the outcome that was supposed to happen and regardless of the circumstances this was supposed to be. You were and are a brave and loving friend.

MsKnowitAll said...

Sister Kay C... October is the month! I will let you know the particulars later... And thank you for the comment. Both of my cousins are joyful in this momentous time.

Hey Queen! I suppose because I was immature and liable to mess up any ole kinda way, I believed in freedom of choice. However, now that I'm older and never been pregnant, wanting a child, I lean more towards anti-abortion. And yes I too am happy that everything worked out for them.

Sister Lovebabz... thank you & I agree that everything is definitely as it divinely should be.

謝慧筠 said...

IS VERY GOOD..............................

MsKnowitAll said...

Thank you 謝慧筠

Mizrepresent said...

What a beautiful story!

Don said...

Enjoyed the read, appropriately entitled "Herstory."

Good deal at her deciding to keep that particular child and not abort it, as she had the first I assume. I bet every time you look at your nice and recall the story behind her existence, it warms your heart.

Also, it seems like errrybody is changing their layout! What's up with that?

MsKnowitAll said...

Thanks Don! And I do feel all smiley and affectionate when I see her. She's a bright and beautiful girl with a promising future.

You know when I log onto blogger, there's this little window that pops up with a template changer... that must be drawing us all. lol

CareyCarey said...

Hello,

That was an interesting story and one I can relate to. although I am a man, I fathered my first child at 17. There was talk of abortion and sending the mother "down south". Well, we eventually got married, and of course, there's more to this story.

I am glad "someone" from your blog stopped by. It lead me to your house.

I must be in the right place because I recognize some of you readers.

MsKnowitAll said...

Hey CareyCarey... yes we do have friends in common and welcome! And thank you for the compliment. Feel free to come through again and again...

GC {God's Child} said...

awesome
congratulations to her daughter and mad props to your cousin for knowing her own mind and doing the hard things