Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Year-end countdown... Thriving on Drama

While sitting at home, not too long ago, on a Saturday night... I finally watched "He's Just Not That Into You".

Not a bad film...

While I had (in my youthful past) and still fall into moments of sounding and even acting like the character Gigi, there was one part of the movie that struck a cord...

There is a part in the movie when Alex and Gigi were in the bar and he tells her that women thrive on drama and how we wait "until the last minute on deadlines, or on phone bills, because you love the drama of not knowing whether you'll make it" I simply shook my head and raised my eyebrows. It may or may not be a true statement but it is true for me.

When I reflect on my 2009 and every situation I encountered, the good and the bad, I can't help but ponder the choices I made and how they relate to my circumstances.

I tell myself I don't like drama. I pride myself on not being a drama queen but some of the choices I make create drama in my life such as not saving enough money, spending frivolously, not opening bills, ignoring collection calls, eating too much of the wrong foods, not exercising, procrastinating... there is no wonder why I'm dealing with hardships. I helped to create them!

I am amazed sometimes at how the universe forces you to deal with your problems... every valley that I fell in caused me to be still... you can't go out, eat out or spend frivolously with no money! I was forced to look within and see what was keeping me from taking care of my personal matters and then I was able to take inventory of my life, pick up the pieces and begin to rebuild.

I had a rough year but I survived a health scare, losing money, losing friends and lay-offs on the job. I also had some good times... I reactivated my facebook account, reconnected with old friends, explored and enjoyed my freedom, vacationed, relaxed and reignited a high school flame.
In 2009 I thrived on drama and I teetered on whether or not I was gonna make it but... I made it. There's nothing like a little drama to make you seek and strive for balance and most of all I am grateful for my hardships. Without them I wouldn't have grown, I wouldn't feel my strength and I wouldn't be at peace.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Year-end countdown... losing friends

It's the last 3 days to 2010... and while I will be ever so glad to turn the page on this year, I can't help but reflect on what a year it's been.

I've had some lows... It's been a good long while since I've been hit so hard but I've learned that I can take a hit. One of the hits I've taken is the loss of one of my dearest friendships.

Most of my friendships span over decades and I have some that are new... me and this particular friend have known each other since middle school. Through falling in love, heartbreaks, achievements, sickness, health and life changes, we've been there. I can be naive at times though I count it as one of my qualities. I never foresaw this type of break-up. I know quite a few people.... I call some people associates but I call very few "friend".

The close and tight-knittedness that friends have as youth is hard to maintain as adults. We're not together all day as we were in school, our summers aren't spent chillin' and the freedom we had is now hard to reclaim with responsibilities and interests yet some friendships stand the test of time. This one did not and it didn't feel like shedding old skin when it broke, it felt as if I was cut with a knife.

I got the cut through a facebook message... Really? Over 20 years of friendship and I find out by opening up my facebook account? I suppose telephones no longer work... Hell, we live 20 minutes away from each other, a visit wouldn't do? There's a disconnect somewhere when facebook becomes the mode of communication for 2 people who were friends back when their mothers sanctioned their telephone use.

"Friends are forever"... that's how the saying goes... but in my life I've learned that sometimes it's our friends who hurt us the most... Keeping me as a friend was much too toxic. Apparently I wasn't the friend she needed me to be when she needed it. My choices, my thoughts and my ways no longer coincided with hers and it hurt more to keep me within her circle that cutting me out was the best option.

Truthfully speaking... I've cut ALL of my friends off a time or two in my life. I was unhappy by something they said or did and I took a vow to be friendless before I would put up with them and their messes... so while it hurts that our friendship is over, I accept her choice.

Everything happens for a reason. While some friendships are meant to last for a lifetime sometimes we don't realize that some are only meant to last for very long seasons.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Random Words I Type...

I been gone for a minute...

* I have been away on vacation and a much needed vacation it was. It was a pleasure and then a pain to go away with my best friend and I realized that after 3 days, I get homicidal... with her. But overall, we had the best girls week - everything I predicted it would be.

* We went to the Poconos, I have a time share there and somehow my homie thought it was supposed to be Jamaica, peak season. Why is it so cold? OHMYGOSH it's snowing? The thing is, she's been begging me to go to the Poconos for 3 years. I finally book my week and she complained the whole time. The highlight of my week was seeing her slide on ice. Priceless.

* An ex is an ex for a reason... It's a year since my break-up and I realized simply - I do not like my ex. I watched Michelle Obama, last night, talk about her man and she said after all of the years, she still likes him (I'm paraphrasing here) and I absolutely get her. I nearly broke my neck nodding my head at the TV. So I realized before going away, that I'm happy to be free of my last serious relationship. I wish my ex the best and if we never have to talk, unfortunately we do, I would be overjoyed. Until we've settled all financial matters... :( :( :(

* I take YOU with me... while in the Poconos I thought of TrueUrbanQueen... she lives in PA and while in the cold and snow, I thought of her living the city life with the woods behind her... I thought of TheQuietStorm... while it was a thunderstorm, there was snow and The Perfect Murder was on TV while we were up there... and then I didn't have WiFi... I didn't even have reception so I couldn't do any blog reading nor writing while I was up there. I missed YOU!

* It's been 5 years since we said yes to the timeshare saleswoman... We can't even take our week together, we split the time. And so.... I'm ready to sell!

* I love December... it's like spring time because it's my purging season. I'm cleaning house and I'm kicking old habits, bad attitudes and funky people to the curb. You know who you are... don't feel bad but do take it personal...

* I am entertaining an older gentleman these days... we're just friends... me and his oldest are the same age... Mmm Hmm... and he's a Cat Daddy. ALL. THE. WAY.