Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Year-end countdown... losing friends

It's the last 3 days to 2010... and while I will be ever so glad to turn the page on this year, I can't help but reflect on what a year it's been.

I've had some lows... It's been a good long while since I've been hit so hard but I've learned that I can take a hit. One of the hits I've taken is the loss of one of my dearest friendships.

Most of my friendships span over decades and I have some that are new... me and this particular friend have known each other since middle school. Through falling in love, heartbreaks, achievements, sickness, health and life changes, we've been there. I can be naive at times though I count it as one of my qualities. I never foresaw this type of break-up. I know quite a few people.... I call some people associates but I call very few "friend".

The close and tight-knittedness that friends have as youth is hard to maintain as adults. We're not together all day as we were in school, our summers aren't spent chillin' and the freedom we had is now hard to reclaim with responsibilities and interests yet some friendships stand the test of time. This one did not and it didn't feel like shedding old skin when it broke, it felt as if I was cut with a knife.

I got the cut through a facebook message... Really? Over 20 years of friendship and I find out by opening up my facebook account? I suppose telephones no longer work... Hell, we live 20 minutes away from each other, a visit wouldn't do? There's a disconnect somewhere when facebook becomes the mode of communication for 2 people who were friends back when their mothers sanctioned their telephone use.

"Friends are forever"... that's how the saying goes... but in my life I've learned that sometimes it's our friends who hurt us the most... Keeping me as a friend was much too toxic. Apparently I wasn't the friend she needed me to be when she needed it. My choices, my thoughts and my ways no longer coincided with hers and it hurt more to keep me within her circle that cutting me out was the best option.

Truthfully speaking... I've cut ALL of my friends off a time or two in my life. I was unhappy by something they said or did and I took a vow to be friendless before I would put up with them and their messes... so while it hurts that our friendship is over, I accept her choice.

Everything happens for a reason. While some friendships are meant to last for a lifetime sometimes we don't realize that some are only meant to last for very long seasons.


Mizrepresent said...

Gurl, i know the feeling. I have had to cut some friendships, and some have cut me, but i while quietly ponder the reasons, the only answer i can surmise is...it was time. Time for us to move on. In one important friendship, i know without a doubt she can't understand the cut, but i promised her, once i was where i needed to be, i would explain fully. Sometimes a cleaning of the closet is required to move on no matter how bad it hurts. jmo

Luv said...

losing friendships or any type of relationship is hard.
i had a friend cut me told me that i was too depressing to be around..it was a hard pill to swallow becuz if you can't confide in your friends with what u are going thru..who can u talk to..so i just stopped sharing..and well that hasn't worked out well for me either

Armond Nero said...

i had a friend who cut me cause I found out i have HIV.
15 years of friendship.

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

I can imagine how much it hurt to find out that way. Everything happens for a reason even if we can not immediately understand it.

Your friend may be going through some things they need to figure out on their own. Don't close your heart to them for they may come back into your life farther down the path.

Can't count the number of times that have happened.


MsKnowitAll said...

Thank you Miz... My spirit tells me it was time but my ego is bruised. It was a huge hit but I'm healing.

Luv... I have learned that some people only want to hear the good news and put timelines on your sad moments. For that reason, I vent one time to one person and if the issue still bothers me, I pray (I should be doing that 1st) and if it's still lingering, I journal my issue right on out.

Armond... Thank you & hugs to YOU!!! Very sad indeed but sometimes when friends cut us, it's time for rejoice...

Kay C... Thank you. I am open and will continually be. Oh at first!, I had mercy but I realize that she needs to do what's best for her and if I'm the thorn, by all means, cut me out.

Ms. Liryc said...

Awww, sometimes ppl have to find themselves before they can let ppl in. She may be going through a tough time and needs to be away from a lot of her friends, this may not be the be, all and end all.. it may be just a slight hiatus. I know what its like to have a friend cut you off, but my bestie's mother said this to me, " a true friend is someone you can go months and weeks or even years without speaking to, and when you two do speak again, its like nothing happened." So it may be like that when you two do speak again. It hurts right now but she might've done it for self. And we've all been selfish a time or two.

Its ok... I'm here..

Love ya

MsKnowitAll said...

Liryc... *Smiles*... you're a trip! I accept that she's going through and perhaps being selfish and I've even made my peace with her. I was boiling at first! And I agree wholeheartedly with your bestie's mom, because me and my friends (including you) can go months, years without speaking but when we do, it's as if we spoke yesterday. Love ya too, doll!

MzNewy said...

I had to cut some too. Because in the end, I realized that we weren't meant to be lifelong friends and that I was always doing the CPR on the relationship. Yeah...wile it always hurts in the beginning...once you let the cut scab over, it'll heal.