Thursday, January 31, 2008
Now there are a few real reasons why I run away from this man. One reason is from the moment we met, in the hallway while checking our mailboxes, he told me he wanted me to be his woman. Now I may have thought something like that about someone I just met, but I never convey this information because it's false. He didn't say, "let's get to know each other" or "I'd like to get to know you better". He said I want you to be my woman. Some women fall for stuff like that, I know a few, but I toot up my lips, wave and walk away.
The 2nd reason is after our first encounter, he tries to kiss me. Yep, on the lips. I'm not against kissing when greeting people but I am against kissing someone who is nearly a stranger, just another neighbor, and especially on the lips. He did catch me one night and he kissed me on the neck. I was heated. Simply because the kiss was wet and left a lingering feeling all night long.
Then the 3rd reason, the most important reason, is I already have someone and I'm content.
I saw Mr. Man this morning and his greeting brought a chuckle to my belly, a smile to my face, a strut to my stride. It just bes like that sometime...
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Intro: This is about being grown, being mature and being brave. Can you be brave? Listen.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
I was inspired to write this post after the something that occurred between me and my partner this past weekend and after reading Minus the Bars’ post on Cheating. I catch lots of slack from my friends and definitely with my partner about fidelity. It’s the one thing we strive for in our relationships, no one sets out to cheat, but somewhere along the course of involvements, life happens.
When you first meet that person and they are all you ever wanted in a mate, it’s impossible to foresee cheating but after a period of time, when the monotony and predictability of relationships settles in, that sexy brotha or sista seems very appealing all of a sudden.
It all depends on what one considers cheating. In the beginning of my relationship, I told my partner that I consider cheating any act that you feel you have to lie about. My point is that we communicate on any issue, no matter what. I know honesty hurts. It hurts when I hear about what he’s feeling before the act and it hurts after I bust him up in the act but knowing is half the battle.
What is considered cheating...?
Looking at porn sites?
Any form of sexual contact?
Anything you feel you have to lie about?
Anything you feel guilty about?
Anything you know your partner would be hurt by?
Anything you're hiding from your partner?
The issue I always seem to have is that I'm pretty open and understanding about cheating. Guess it comes from being cheated on or maybe it comes from cheating myself.... I really haven't thought deeply enough to truly say. The thing is that sometimes it's just so hard to stay faithful, even when it's something you really want to do. Therefore it's really not about your partner, it's not about what they're giving or not, it's not about the other person and they way they keep flirting... It's about values. The value you place on your relationship. The integrity you possess. The value you place on your feelings and behaviors.
If you're feeling confident, secure, content, happy, joyful, fulfilled... what is there to look outside of the realm of your relationship for?
Monday, January 28, 2008
Someone stole my co-worker, Saki’s, sneakers. Me and Saki wear the same size. Well not really. She wears about a half-size smaller than I do. I tried her sneakers on once and they just fit. I told her that there were really cute and they were. A nice little orange and silver pair of N.ikes.
We all keep an extra pair of shoes here at the office. I have a box and I keep 2 pairs of boots, 2 pairs of slippers and some flats under my desk. I know it was a staff member, security or maintenance, since the public has no access to this area and the public wouldn’t think to look under the desk and find a darn near new pair of sneakers and walk about without security ready to grab them up. Plus there are cameras everywhere.
While Saki is yelling and ranting about someone stealing her sneakers she turns to me and says “they even fit you, remember when you tried them on?” I hope like hell Saki doesn’t think I stole her damned sneakers!!!! I don’t even wear sneakers. I like them but I look crazy in them.
That reminded me of a time when a woman who worked in the Library, but in a different department, lost her David Yurman topaz ring. She left it in the bathroom. She said it was a family heirloom and even offered an award for it. She never found the ring.
I happen to have a topaz ring. It is no where near being a David Yurman but it is just as chunky as his rings are. One day Saki was down in my office and she says to me, you have a topaz ring, suppose she comes to question you about it. 2 days later, the young lady who left her ring in the bathroom and another worker come into my office, bearing gifts of paper cups and plastic mugs. She gasps as she looks down at my topaz ring. She asks me if I know that she is the one who lost her ring. By now my face is all screwed up because I know Saki did not tell this woman to come and see if I had her ring. I told her that I knew it was her, I was sorry for her loss, and if I saw anyone with her ring I would be sure to let her or security know. Then she starts crying. Probably because she was fed untrue information and probably from looking at my ring and wanting hers back. I never questioned Saki about it. I should have but I know me and it would not have been pretty so I let it go.
I’m upset that Saki lost her nearly new pair of gym sneakers. I know how it feels and no one likes to have their private property taken from them. But if she repeats anything about me trying them sneakers on, Saki is definitely catching a case!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
2. Tastykakes... I recently discovered these evil little treats in the supermarket last weekend hidden behind the potato chip shelving. I know I should have skipped over this purchase , but I only bought one box even though they were 2 for $5. How I trick myself into eating them slowly is putting the whole darn box in the freezer and I remove only 1 package at a time.
3. A glass or two of red wine... my preferences are Pinot Noir, Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot.
4. Bacial... It's a back facial from one of my favorite spas here in NYC, Cynergy. It would be nice if the ladies who worked there weren't so... ummm.... ghetto, but the treatment is awesome.
5. Going to the movies alone... I am an admitted semi-recluse but there's something calming and enticing about going to the movies solo. I like company but most times I can do without it.
6. F*** me pumps... I borrow the name from an Amy Winehouse song but I have these black, lace up front, 4 1/2 inch heels that we not made for walking. I like to put them on and just stare at my feet in them. I'm telling you they are ridiculously sexy. That's one time when I don't mind having company.
8. The Color Purple and any Spike Lee Movie... with a bowl of popcorn, a liter of Fresca and a pack of twizzlers... I am so good.
9. Dale & Thomas Chocolate Drizzlecorn...
10. Alone time with the boo... like early Saturday mornings, especially now that there's a little chill in the air and the heat isn't piping so it's nice to be under the covers, feeling body heat which leads to so much more...
Monday, January 14, 2008
He sat down next to me. Told me that I looked good. I complimented him with the same. He smelled really good. He asked if I was connected, I told him that I am. He told me that he was dating but he's not serious with any one woman. He then looked up at the ceiling of the train, as if reading, and recited my home phone number back to me. "Is that it?", he said. "Yes", I replied. I didn't know if it's because I was dog tired or because my stop was approaching... I don't know what it was, but I wasn't impressed.
He didn't call me that very night but tonight he does and tells me that he thinks of me a lot. He remembers so much about us and our time spent together. I'm like the good one who got away, he tells me. He then gives an analogy of the Titanic and how the shark is looking for one person but there are thousands of people floating in the ocean, but the shark only wants one. He says that he's that shark and there are many people that want him, but he only wants me.
I'm puzzled by this analogy. Actually I'm annoyed. It's ridiculous. What the hell is he talking about? He compares himself to a shark? Okay I get it, he's a man on the prowl? And I'm supposed to feel good about being his hunt?
I get off the phone not too long after this politely letting him know that under no circumstances is he to call my number again. If I recall, our first attempt at a relationship lasted about a month and our 2nd attempt lasted lasted a little more than a week. Something happened that turned me off from him real quick and of course I didn't remember what it was until this very conversation.
Jill Scott's lyrics from "Bedda At Home" come to my mind as I replace the cordless to the base...
And that's a dangone shame because that's where it ends for this chocolate brother who calls himself "T. Chestnut" and he does slightly resemble Mr. Morris Chestnut. However I prefer the qualities, physical & mental, that attract me and keep me devoted to my partner...
I accepted the phone call inquisitively. I could have told T. Chestnut on the train not to even bother but I was momentarily interested. It felt good to be remembered, desired and pursued, again. Sometimes in long term relationships the thrill simmers, but to my man I say...
Friday, January 11, 2008
I lived and had so much fun throughout my 20s but I always tried to be responsible. My parents raised me, did the best that they could and always wanted the best for me. The least I could do is repay them by keeping out of trouble, going to school, graduating and being independent but if my parents knew half of what I got myself into and thankfully out of, they would probably be ashamed.
Nowadays I don’t worry about shaming my mom as much as she shames me. My mother, as my co-worker, CB, says is Gangsta. She is loud, she says the craziest things, she curses like a sailor and she dances like a stripper. I can’t take her NO where. One time my mother's co-worker said something crazy to her and my mother says "you need to watch your mouth, because that's how people get shot". My mom doesn't own a gun, she ain't shooting nobody and I asked her where did the comment come from. She didn't answer the question but she looks at me all crazy and says, "It's true, right?". Though my partner tells me that I’m just like my mom, I only see a mild resemblance. Still I don’t want to ever bring any shame to her or make her feel bad for anything I’ve done. So in my 30s I’m still a good girl and I’m oh so proud about it.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
However I'm on the platform and I happen to look over and there's Keyana, this chick who I went to Jr. High School with. She's mean mugging me, looking me up and down and it eventually ends with an eye roll. I've seen Keyana since we've graduated from Jr. High but it's been about 15 years since the last time I've seen her. She hasn't changed much and I recognized her immediately because she's an amazon. I'm not making fun of tall women. I happen to be 5'5" and Keyana is 6' but she was that tall in Jr. High and you know she got teased.
I laugh very loud, especially when I am caught off guard. I was prepared to smile, wave hello or something but the mean face and eye roll... my laugh echoed all over the platform. It's crazy that Keyana has a 19 year grudge. Ohmygoodness, I graduated from Jr. High School almost 19 years ago... I digress.
So almost 19 years ago, Keyana was going steady with this dude named Lance. Everybody knew they were together and if they had children, lemme tell you their kids would be giants! Lance is well over 6 feet, probably like 6'5" or 6'6" because he towered over Keyana. Anyway, Lance and I were in the same class and we were friends until he and Keyana took a break from each other. One night he calls me and asks me if I would like to be his girlfriend. My mind kept screaming out "heck naw girl, you know he goes with Keyana and they will always be together" but my mouth said "I'll think about it, if you and Keyana are still broken up in 2 weeks, call me and I'll say yes". Two weeks later, Lance calls, I say yes. Exactly 5 days into our relationship, my friend Darren comes over to me in gym and tells me that Lance is breaking up with me to get back with Keyana. My heart broke. You know I fell in love during those 5 days and me and Lance were supposed to have some tall babies of our own but I kept my composure until I got home so me and Lance can have a chit chat over the phone. I called him and lo and behold Keyana is over at his house, probably doing some heavy making up. She grabs the phone and proceeds to curse me out. I can't imagine what she said verbatim but I can imagine she told me to "leave her man alone, don't call him, blah, blah, blah". I had to see Lance again. We had the same homeroom and most of our classes together. I was not arguing back with her, Lance and her were unbreakable back then and I was stupid to think that me and him would have a real relationship. I remember apologizing to her. I told her that I didn't mean to meddle but I just called because I wanted to talk to Lance. She cursed me out again and we hung up on each other.
I called my homies who were all in high school because something told me that Keyana was going to start a fight with me the next day. Everyone was prepared to meet me at 2:30 p.m. just in case someone in Keyana's posse (yes, we called our crews posses then) was gonna try to jump me. I talk a lot of mess, then and now, but I don't run from no fight so I was prepared for big ole Key, I was about 10 deep. Keyana rolls up, she's looming over me asking if I told someone I was gonna beat her up. I told her that I didn't tell anybody that I wanted to fight her but I warned her that if she looked like she was about to hit me, I would be forced to knock her down. She moved out of my way and with the push of her crew, came back to block me. We played this game about 3 times before I screamed in her face that I wasn't going to fight her over Lance or no other man. I didn't have a problem with her but if she insisted I would fight her for harassing me. Me and Keyana didn't fight that day but we never spoke again and today was a reminder of that.
Let me clarify that me and Keyana were not friends at all. I didn't steal her man. I wasn't even having sex back then so that wasn't a factor. I guess it was just the principle of the whole thing. As long as we attended Jr. High, Lance was hers and no other girl was supposed to have him. I got over it quickly. The day after, I was fine but of course the story was out and everybody was talking about how me and Keyana were about to fight over Lance, which is exactly what I didn't want to happen but hey. I thank you Keyana for a hearty morning laugh and reminiscence. I know I should have gone over to her and spoken for the sake of it but I couldn't. After the laugh I just kept chuckling, smiling and thinking about how short that darn relationship was. I remember we started on a Friday and broke up on Tuesday. There were no kisses, no love letters, no walks home, we were boyfriend and girlfriend in name only and before I blinked my eyes, we were over. My head is shaking from side to side as I conclude...
Monday, January 7, 2008
Since the year began, one of my close friends has been diagnosed with diabetes, my partner's cousin/best friend passed away today and I attended a funeral last week. I think it's wise to get my annual physical and make sure everything's functioning properly.
My mother has gone and done it again. She got me touting up my lips, sucking my teeth and hardly speaking to her. There's something so strange about mother/daughter relationships.
Is Bernice L. McFadden ever gonna have another book published???? I miss her sooo much!
One of my co-workers looks like a chester-chester and I couldn't help but look at her and laugh on the inside, all day long today. If only she'd get some glasses and stop squinting her eyes and pick up her head while she's looking at you. Gosh!
I think I'm going to have to have a sit down with DC and let her know that I think she's stupid. I'm a little reluctant but I should ask her to stay with me until she gets her crap together.
Please tell me VH1 is not giving Flava Flav another chance! Didn't Charm School shut that mess down? Guess not.
I can't believe it's Monday. I think I'm feeling a cough coming, am I about to sneeze? Dang, I think I'm catching a little cold and I may have to call out sick one day this week.... LOL
Friday, January 4, 2008
Thursday, January 3, 2008
December 31st, Monday night and it's 10 minutes to the end of the year. I'm relaxing, sexified at my sweetheart's home. The child is in bed, the White Zinfandel is chillin' in the fridge waiting on me for 12:01 a.m., and lo and behold, an argument erupts.
Watch Night service has been a staple for me since I was about 9 years-old. I've gone almost every year since and I personally feel that it's a wonderful way to end the old year, in church, thanking God for the old, welcoming the new, etc. etc. New Year's day is my relationship anniversary and for our first anniversary, we celebrated in Aruba, which was absolutely beautiful. We didn't celebrate at all last year and I will just leave that alone because that was an issue for me and this year we were supposed to celebrate at church. I really wanted to be with my mate in my church but because of some circumstances we had a change of plans and we chose to celebrate at home.
The argument erupted when I grabbed my cell expecting a call from one of my friends who attended the church service and my mate turns to me and says, "if you don't want to be here, then you should have been at church". If he said it nicely, sweet-like, then that would have been cool but noooooo, it was nasty and filled with venom and while it didn't really erupt into an argument, there was just some unnecessary tension that was unwelcome before the emerging new year. I don't like to argue even though I'm really good at it. I play fair, I give the opportunity to speak, I listen very well, and most of all, I let the issue go when the argument is resolved. However my companion is horrible at arguing and I learned this very early on so while he's huffing and puffing, thumping and stumping, I pray my way out of 2007 and into 2008.
I could carry on with this story all day but I won't. I realized that the comment he made stemmed from the ups and downs and changes that have taken place between us. I'm far from being a relationship expert but I've had my share of relationships to know the stages. There's the 1st stage, Romance and more romance - that's the best part of the relationship!!!! The 2nd stage is the Reality Stage. This is the part of the relationship when you realize that your partner passes gas, chews with an open mouth and snores, among other annoying things. The 3rd stage is the Power Struggle Stage. This is the stage when arguments constantly pop off, mounting issues upon issues. It is in this stage that most couples decide whether they will stick it out or break up and this is the stage that my relationship is currently in.
I wish the drama ended at 12:01 a.m. Instead it was just brewing and I wondered if the relationship messes of 2007 would carry over into 2008 and right there I wanted to end things, pack up and head on back to my abode. It was then that I realized that relationship stages know no time constraints or emerging new years, especially when it comes to emotions. But if only for one night, if we could have reverted back to stage 1...
As the new year began, I grabbed my wine glass, the bottle of Gallo, relaxed on the couch and flipped to the Twilight Zone marathon, which I watched all New Year's day and well into the early morning of January 2nd.
According to Middle Eastern Numerology 8 is a number representing the end of a cycle and the beginning of a new one. I really hope for the sake of my relationship that the mess that took place the last 10 minutes of last year and traveled through January 1st was really the end of a cycle and we can expect all good things ahead. It unnerved me that we began the year with craziness and it was all unnecessary, however I feel that my partner resents me and thinks that I'm selfish and uncaring, which is completely untrue. It will be wonderful when we finally grow beyond this power struggle stage and move on to the Stability Stage... I wonder how many people actually reach this stage or even further to the Acceptance (Real Love) Stage.