Thursday, January 3, 2008

"Patience and Fortitude conquer all things." --Ralph Waldo Emerson

According to Middle Eastern Numerology 7 is a number of completion. I loved 2007. I took a few vacations from work, I played with the little girl in me and did some fun things like visited museums and going to movies and such. It was a good year, but oh did I go through some changes too. I experimented, cried, discovered, laughed, and fortunately I learned. I end all years with expectancy for the new, the beginning, the possible. Even though 2007 was good, I was readying myself to wave a hearty good-bye because I am looking forward with anticipation.

December 31st, Monday night and it's 10 minutes to the end of the year. I'm relaxing, sexified at my sweetheart's home. The child is in bed, the White Zinfandel is chillin' in the fridge waiting on me for 12:01 a.m., and lo and behold, an argument erupts.

Watch Night service has been a staple for me since I was about 9 years-old. I've gone almost every year since and I personally feel that it's a wonderful way to end the old year, in church, thanking God for the old, welcoming the new, etc. etc. New Year's day is my relationship anniversary and for our first anniversary, we celebrated in Aruba, which was absolutely beautiful. We didn't celebrate at all last year and I will just leave that alone because that was an issue for me and this year we were supposed to celebrate at church. I really wanted to be with my mate in my church but because of some circumstances we had a change of plans and we chose to celebrate at home.

The argument erupted when I grabbed my cell expecting a call from one of my friends who attended the church service and my mate turns to me and says, "if you don't want to be here, then you should have been at church". If he said it nicely, sweet-like, then that would have been cool but noooooo, it was nasty and filled with venom and while it didn't really erupt into an argument, there was just some unnecessary tension that was unwelcome before the emerging new year. I don't like to argue even though I'm really good at it. I play fair, I give the opportunity to speak, I listen very well, and most of all, I let the issue go when the argument is resolved. However my companion is horrible at arguing and I learned this very early on so while he's huffing and puffing, thumping and stumping, I pray my way out of 2007 and into 2008.

I could carry on with this story all day but I won't. I realized that the comment he made stemmed from the ups and downs and changes that have taken place between us. I'm far from being a relationship expert but I've had my share of relationships to know the stages. There's the 1st stage, Romance and more romance - that's the best part of the relationship!!!! The 2nd stage is the Reality Stage. This is the part of the relationship when you realize that your partner passes gas, chews with an open mouth and snores, among other annoying things. The 3rd stage is the Power Struggle Stage. This is the stage when arguments constantly pop off, mounting issues upon issues. It is in this stage that most couples decide whether they will stick it out or break up and this is the stage that my relationship is currently in.

I wish the drama ended at 12:01 a.m. Instead it was just brewing and I wondered if the relationship messes of 2007 would carry over into 2008 and right there I wanted to end things, pack up and head on back to my abode. It was then that I realized that relationship stages know no time constraints or emerging new years, especially when it comes to emotions. But if only for one night, if we could have reverted back to stage 1...
As the new year began, I grabbed my wine glass, the bottle of Gallo, relaxed on the couch and flipped to the Twilight Zone marathon, which I watched all New Year's day and well into the early morning of January 2nd.

According to Middle Eastern Numerology 8 is a number representing the end of a cycle and the beginning of a new one. I really hope for the sake of my relationship that the mess that took place the last 10 minutes of last year and traveled through January 1st was really the end of a cycle and we can expect all good things ahead. It unnerved me that we began the year with craziness and it was all unnecessary, however I feel that my partner resents me and thinks that I'm selfish and uncaring, which is completely untrue. It will be wonderful when we finally grow beyond this power struggle stage and move on to the Stability Stage... I wonder how many people actually reach this stage or even further to the Acceptance (Real Love) Stage.


deepnthought said...

wow. I am sorry you had the argument. But I love the post that resulted from it.

Ms.Knowitall said...

thank you deep! the argument really bummed me out but i'm hopeful that we will grow together past these little bouts.

Liryc said...

WOW, seems to me like you didn't start the year off the way you wanted but you know what grabbed me and held me and where I know its going to be a good year despite the argument. Its when you said you prayed into the New Year. You did the right thing, Let it Go and Let God.. cause if not you'd have been arguing for far longer than you'd have wanted.. Lets pray that this year you reach the stability stage. Then from there there won't be as many bumps in the road.