I was inspired to write this post after the something that occurred between me and my partner this past weekend and after reading Minus the Bars’ post on Cheating. I catch lots of slack from my friends and definitely with my partner about fidelity. It’s the one thing we strive for in our relationships, no one sets out to cheat, but somewhere along the course of involvements, life happens.
When you first meet that person and they are all you ever wanted in a mate, it’s impossible to foresee cheating but after a period of time, when the monotony and predictability of relationships settles in, that sexy brotha or sista seems very appealing all of a sudden.
It all depends on what one considers cheating. In the beginning of my relationship, I told my partner that I consider cheating any act that you feel you have to lie about. My point is that we communicate on any issue, no matter what. I know honesty hurts. It hurts when I hear about what he’s feeling before the act and it hurts after I bust him up in the act but knowing is half the battle.
What is considered cheating...?
Looking at porn sites?
Any form of sexual contact?
Anything you feel you have to lie about?
Anything you feel guilty about?
Anything you know your partner would be hurt by?
Anything you're hiding from your partner?
The issue I always seem to have is that I'm pretty open and understanding about cheating. Guess it comes from being cheated on or maybe it comes from cheating myself.... I really haven't thought deeply enough to truly say. The thing is that sometimes it's just so hard to stay faithful, even when it's something you really want to do. Therefore it's really not about your partner, it's not about what they're giving or not, it's not about the other person and they way they keep flirting... It's about values. The value you place on your relationship. The integrity you possess. The value you place on your feelings and behaviors.
If you're feeling confident, secure, content, happy, joyful, fulfilled... what is there to look outside of the realm of your relationship for?