Friday, May 30, 2008


Probably one of the most exquisite insects ever are butterflies. From their origins as caterpillars that crawl on leaves and gnaw at everything around them to their metamorphosis into beautiful flying creatures that eat pollen and nectar (sweet things) .

The most intriguing part of the butterfly is its wings. Well not really the wings but the colorful scales that cover the wings. Not all butterflies are flamboyantly colored but the ones that are we all admire.

Butterfly wings are very fragile. If you touch the wings of a butterfly, the scales rub off on your fingers and when you rub them too hard, you can actually harm the butterfly or subject them to the harm of prey. When the fragile wings fray or are torn, they do not repair themselves.

I love me some butterflies. I have beautiful butterfly jewelry, not quite like
Mariah Carey's diamond studded ring, but my ring is aw'ight. LOL

But what I described above about the butterfly wings is exactly what I love about them. The fact that they are fragile yet flexible and unusually beautiful... like me. And just as butterflies cannot be mishandled because it poses harm to their lives and makes them vulnerable to outside forces... I have come to realize my fragility, my vulnerability, my femininity, my elaborateness, my creativity, my weakness and my strengths, my boldness to bare my brilliant colors...

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Be Intentional

"Now I might say you can walk
And I might name call
I may pull some silly stunts
But that's just a front, I don't mean it
Now I may holler at you
And I may tell you we're through
May give you looks that can kill
But it's not for real
I don't mean it"

I don't understand how people say things, knowing that they mean every word of it, while the thoughts are swirling through their heads, yet when they see the reaction from their hurtful, insulting, degradation, somehow it's "I was just joking", "I didn't really mean it", and the worst "I'm sorry". How about I say, "Keep your sorry", "What kind of fool doesn't really mean the words that are invoked and verbalized?", "A joke is only a joke when 2 people are laughing!".

"See I never meant
To break you down
And make you cry, make you cry
Oh please baby please
Turn back around
Don't you say goodbye, say goodbye
Sometimes I know that I can take it
Just a little bit too far
But yo my heart is good
Heart is good
So baby you don't have to worry
You're gonna see a change
Girl you know I love ya"
-R. Kelly "I Don't Mean It"

I've never been a fan of the word "Sorry". I say to anyone who attempts to hurt my feelings or to break me down, keep your apologies. "Sorries" are like band aids while there is a gaping hole underneath that no words, no kind actions, and no kisses - I don't care how sweet, can mend. If you offend me in any fashion, my first suggestion is to leave me alone, hold the phone - yep, don't call me and I don't want to hear your voice. I may not have any words for you at the moment and so you'll just get silence. But if by chance, I'm feeling verbose, remember that a tongue is like a two-edged sword.

I don't stay mad for long, and I'm grateful for that.

My second and last suggestion is to actually DO better. Be intentional if you're really "sorry". I want to see your apology in action. Realize that just because I forgive you, it does not mean that you can repeat your foolishness, since my forgiving you doesn't mean that you automatically have a place in my life again - it simply means that I thank you for giving me that experience but I need to move on to... people who are intentional with their words and their actions. People who mean what they say and say what they mean. People who know the weight of words and choose them wisely.

Proverbs 12: 18
"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

"Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue."

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."

Friday, May 23, 2008

Butterfly Kisses... The Morning After Grey's Anatomy

butterfly kisses: fluttering one's eyelashes on someone's skin so they just feel the tickling sensation -

Grey's is one of my favorite, grown woman, TV indulgent shows. I love all of the characters for their stupidity and what they offer as they play our their parts but what I love most are the show's writers! I would love to meet them and get inside their heads just for the little things that they come up with that make a sister like me tear out of my right eye! Whew!

So this post was inspired by last night's season finale...

One of my favorite songs, written by, sung by Goapele is entitled Butterfly Kisses.

"You came to me in a dream
All the qualities I asked for
In a man
Just understand me
Love me as you know me
I'll let you know me well"

What if you dreamt of the man of your dreams almost every night only to wake up and realize the one you're laying next to isn't him and what if he is actually laying in bed with someone else too? What if you love him, yes, for his physical, explored his personal but you're unable to have the real? What if he really loves you too, always did but he's afraid of what loving you will do to him, destroying the friendships he's built and will break the heart of his loved one?

"I don't anticipate putting up a gate
Or shelter around my heart
I intend to find the good inside
Promise the real you
So pure"

What if you could be who you are with the one you're with? What if you could be quirky, naive, vulnerable, shy and opinionated? What if your relationship gave you freedom, wholesomeness, purity?

"So I can give you
And pleasure you can feel
I'll daze you, even bathe you
If you remain to keep it real"

What if you were with someone who was real with you, real with themselves? What if you found someone who gave of themselves with the same intensity as you do that when you two share kisses, sparks fly, emotions overflow?

"If you love me, love my mother;
Know you my father
Hang with my brother
Don't discriminate
Or isolate me
Please let me be myself
I want to wear what I want to wear
And say whats on my mind
Please be kind"

What if the man you always desired didn't hesitate to take you home to meet his mother and fell instantly in love with yours? What if the man of your dreams slapped five with your pops and produced music or played ball with your brother? What if the man of your dreams respected your love of erotica, loved to see you in make-up and picked out the skimpiest, tightest, boldest outfits for you just so he could show his boys the prize he's won?

And at the end of the day, what if he laid his head on your lap or tilted your chin up to meet his lips or whispered the words "I love you", "You're my the woman of my dreams", "I respect you", "You make my life extraordinary"...

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Jealous Green...052208

Before I begin, I am going to attribute my recent bout of jealousy to this grimy hormone called Estrogen...

It all started when I was sitting here at my desk bored at work. It started around 12:00 pm. I checked my Yahoo! email and wanted to see the caloric value of Krispy Kreme glazed donuts, thanks to CB's purchase of a box of them this morning. Kudos to me for only eating one while I'm here at work... but I have 1 stashed... for Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy.

So I decide to go to Bossip. Haven't been there to see the foolery in a while. I knew ahead of time that as I peruse through the pics and captions, my boredom will surely subside. I'm shaking my head at the craziness that I simply love when I come across a a pic of Jay & Bey (click on their names to see the picture I saw) and I get pissed. I have NEVER been jealous of their relationship, now marriage, ever. From day one, I've been proud of them. I can't even describe the feeling that came over me. All I know is that right now I can't stand them. The sight of them together makes me want to leave work early, go home and brood.

Then I was having an afternoon convo with CB when she decidedly became very serious as she tells me about her episode last night. This is usual for us... the bragging of our sessions with our significant others. But today all I wanted to do was bop her upside her forehead, just they do in those V8 commercials. I told her that I hated her. I don't mean it, of course, but I really do mean it. I hate her.

Okay... I know exactly why my jealous green is showing today and it's not all attributed to estrogen but I'm working through it., one of my favorite sites on the planet says...

How to Deal With Jealousy
By Colette French

"Jealousy is an emotion that everyone has to deal with from time to time. Sometimes we feel jealousy from other people geared toward us and sometimes it's jealousy we feel in our own hearts toward someone else. Jealousy can be used in a good way, however, to provoke us to do more positive things in life, but when it's manifesting as an ugly emotion, it's not something you want to allow to linger. There are some things a person can do to get rid themselves of jealous feelings when they occur."

Instructions - Difficulty: Moderately Challenging


Practice to be a kindhearted person to others. If you set your mind to be nice and kind to people and value others, jealousy is much easier to get rid of.

Step2 (My fave)

Genuinely compliment others when you experience feelings of jealousy. If you compliment others, it helps you to remain focused on being kind again instead of allowing the negative emotion of jealousy to continue to fester.

Step3 (Another fave)

Divert your focus to think on good and positive things when you sense jealous feelings beginning to arise.

Step4 (OK my last fave)

Be thankful for your own blessings, skills and talents. It's never a good thing to always compare oneself to others. It's important to learn to be happy with yourself.


Understand that everyone is different and not everyone will have the same level of life nor will everyone have the same skills and talents. Know that you have your own gifts and talents and are special in your own way.


Understand the value of people. Respecting and honoring people is far more important than acquiring material things. If a person doesn't have true friends and family to share the material things with, what has a person really accomplished? Therefore, we must learn what's important in life and value people and our relationships, so that jealousy does not destroy us.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Hump Day

While watching NY1 this morning, I saw a little piece of a cloud over the sun, signifying a passing shower, MAYBE, but definitely sunshine. The newscaster did not say by this evening, when you're ready to leave work, rush to the train to stay dry and avoid the rain!

This morning and early afternoon was beautiful. Absolutely. My mother brought some more sunshine when she called me, using her precious minutes on her cell, to tell me she was passing through and wanted to see me. Of course she also expected a parade of my co-workers whom I'm always speaking of but I only brought CB AKA cut buddy down with me.

Now it's time for me to leave work and my plans of people watching and journaling in Bryant Park have been crushed. :(

People watching has to be one of my favorite past times. I can literally sit for hours and hours and stare at people... what they are wearing, the way they walk, how they hold their cell phones, purse their lips, play with their hair... I simply enjoy watching human behavior. Probably is related to my undergrad degree in Psych.

I was always a people watcher, even as a young'n. During the summer months I would wake up early in the morning to watch the sunrise and sit in the window for most of the day. Watching folks pass by on their way to the market, parents with children, the other kids playing baseball or basketball in the dead end.

When I got good and ready I would ask my Dad, who worked nights, if I could go outside and hang with the rest of the kids. He always allowed me to but when he left for work, around 3, I had to head back upstairs unless one of my parent's friends, who they allowed to watch me, was out and then I could stay outside until my mom came home from work. If no adult was out, I headed back up to the apartment and back to the window.

That was back before it was law to put child guards up to the window. I was heated when they put them ugly pieces of metal up the window, hindering me from resting my elbows and gazing out. I was 12 years-old the year they put them in and my brother's girlfriend had just given birth to my nephew and since he was always at my place and very active, it was extremely important that we had something to prevent him from danger.

I digress...

So today... this evening... I head home where I'll journal in the livingroom instead of the park listening to my other man, Eric Benet.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

The Morning After

"Hush, don't say a word
I can't even explain what I'm feeling
Feeling, lying next to you
Ooh feels so good
Don't let the words ruin the moment
Please don't say nothing
I know you might feel guilty babe
Don't let the mind do the speaking
Just let the heart do the leading
Cause we gave each other what we both wanted
Look what we've started"
"The Morning After"~Deborah Cox

Hindsight is always 20/20

It’s Saturday night and you have no plans. You get a text from Homeboy asking “What you into for tonight?”. “Nada” you reply. “Well how about I come over to play scrabble or checkers, watch the game, watch the fight, watch just regular cable TV, get my hair braided, or to borrow the USB of Ayo”.

You took a shower when he sent you the last text saying he was on his way and you oiled up with body oil, smelling like cocoa butter. You decided to just throw on the tight yoga pants , no panties, and a fitted top, no bra. So glad you went and got a color change earlier that day. Fire red toes.

The night before was not intentional

With your hair pulled back, a freshly cleansed face and lip gloss shimmering you answer the door. He comes in and he stopped on his way over and picked up some fresh mango and pineapple chunks. He hands you the bag and you notice how big and sexy his hands are. You never noticed that before. You bite your bottom lip. You look up and your eyes lock with his. You wonder if he can read your thoughts, your actions.

The night before was not deliberate

Earlier that day he ran over to see his man to get a line and his goatee lined up. He’s all showered and he oiled his locks with Patchouli. He’s wearing a black v-neck long sleeve tee that reveals the silver cross around his neck, fitted jeans and some black Chuck Taylors.

All around the living room scented candles are lit. You offer him tea or water. “Just water”, he says. You bring back 2 glasses, settle in the living room and sit, crossing your legs. It’s 9:00 pm.

It’s a good thing you keep condoms in the drawer of the end table.
It’s a good thing you let your girlfriend talk you into getting a bikini wax.

It’s the morning after

And you're laying in the bed. He's spooning you and you wonder if he's up. You're justifying all of you actions. It’s not like you don’t know him. You two have been friends since forever. It's not like you didn’t already have feelings for him. It’s not like he has a steady girl or married. It’s not like you have a man or anything

And then the guilt…

Maybe I shouldn’t have let him give me a massage in the first place! Why did I have to start wrestling with him! We were just watching the movie! He must think I’m a slut! Naked underneath my clothes! What was I thinking?!?!

Then you feel him hug you up tighter, he asks if you're awake but you keep silent, thinking he's thinking the same things you're thinking. He kisses you on your neck and you're reminded of how good last night felt. It all felt too good to have regrets now!

“Baby I can't help but see it
You gave me what I needed
There's no way that I can deny I love you so
The longer that I'm with you
The more I see that I need you
Let's take what we have and make it last
Forever more”

Friday, May 16, 2008

How To Date Me

"If you want too feel me, baby
Better be divine
Bring me water for these flowers
Growing out my mind
Give me nothin' just be gentle
Breathe love in my air
Use me, don't abuse me, love me
Cause these herbs are rare"

-Eryah Badu, "Kiss Me On My Neck"

I came across this post idea while blog surfing. Though I'm no longer on the "dating scene", I've realized that even committed relationships can use a little boost.

Even though I am somewhat as the pic describes (LOL), I am more than that, influenced first and foremost by my parents and ripened by life experiences. I am friendly and gentle, I don't like conflict and I DO NOT like to argue. I desire balance, harmony and peace and seek it daily.

By eHow Relationships & Family Editor

Things You'll Need:

~Flower Bouquets
~Museum Tickets
~Opera Tickets
~Symphony Tickets
~Theater Tickets
~Playing Cards
~Deluxe Scrabble

Always behave ethically and fairly with a Libran.
Invite a Libran to dinner with family and friends. They are most sociable in small gatherings.
Play games. Your date probably enjoys board and card games.
Don't take it personally when the Libran can't make a decision. You can be decisive - not pushy.
Take the Libran to a show. They love all things beautiful, particularly music and the visual arts. Don't forget flowers.
Ask the Libran's advice on personal or work-related matters. They are skilled diplomats and will feel engaged and useful.

Tips & Warnings
Your date is a Libra if he or she was born between September 23 and October 22.
Remember, we're all unique individuals, and there is a lot more to a person's astrological makeup than a sun sign.
Getting to know another person takes time. Pay attention, and if you're unsure about what your date wants, ask. Consideration, reliability and kindness count for a lot.
If you know your date's ascendant, or rising sign, read the eHow for that sign as well.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

My Name is Shirley

Okay, I'm not that crazy today. Annoyed? Absolutely.

The most aggravating man on the planet lives across the street from me. Well probably not on the planet but definitely the worst that I've experienced in a long while.

I see him often and every time I see him, he tries to talk to me as if he's just laying eyes on me. That's actually a compliment and a pain.

Every time I see him, I tell him that I'm unavailable. I tell him to have a nice day and walk away and he always follows me so after all of that, I tell him to LEAVE ME ALONE!

I think part of the problem is the language barrier. He is not a native of this country and I won't say which country so that I won't offend anyone... but even his broken English is bad and I have an ear for picking up words and dialects but his is just skraight crazy!

So today we happen to walk out of our buildings at the same time and I am really tempted to turn back around and go upstairs but I was already late (as usual). I do put a hefty pep in my step though. Out of my side vision, I see dude actually jogging to catch up to me. Uggggh

The first words out of his mouth are "You are just going to have to kill me today". Inside I laughed but really he's annoying so I didn't even offer a smile. So I say "Good Morning" and I turn around for him to see my face as I tell him to "Have a Nice Day!". But instead we have a very painful dialog in which I tell him my name is "Shirley" and ended with a "Can I contact you?" and a firm NO is always my reply.

I know I'll see him again. I mean he lives directly across from me but I think I'm going to have to leave for work earlier (as in on time - LOL) or wait until my man comes through so I can introduce them (I don't think that'll even work though). So there's nothing much I can do but bare the pain.

The funny problem that I have is my choice of my alias name. I always choose Shirley. I think I've been Shirley since high school. I had a friend named Shirley and that may have something to do with my choice..... but Shirley is an all right name. Shirley is not sexy. Shirley is no where near being close to my real name, which begins with a K but I'm not ready to share it yet. When I think of Shirley I think of Shirley Chisholm or Shirley from Laverne and Shirley. It's always the first name on my lips!

The thing is when I see people who I've given the name Shirley and they call me out, I never answer. I don't even remember my own alias!

So from here on out, I'm practicing my new name in my head.... once I think of one. Maybe I'll choose Vanessa, Renee, Diana, Toya, Janet... something with VAVOOM! ...Sandra, Crystal, Maria, Betty, Beyonce, Ashanti....

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


"Ain't gonna play no second fiddle 'cause, I'm used to playin' lead..." -Bessie Smith

Now before I begin, when my co-worker CB comes through & reads this, she better see the joke in this post.

Lately I've been noticing that I've been getting some male attention around here at the j-o-b. Invites to go to the movies or lunch or dinner. Little comments that seem to be coming from nowhere. But what I'm also aware of is these men were all admirers of my co-worker/sistafriend CB first.

Re-Re AKA The Chipmunk

He's been asking me if I want to go to the movies with him. If anybody knows me even a little bit, they know I don't do movies dates with ANYONE. I've told Re-re this quite a few times when he's asked to roll with me but he's dying to see Iron Man with me, even though he's already seen it.

Now Re-re/Chipmunk has been a groupie of CB's for quite a while now, possibly a year or more. Not too long ago, CB gave him some tude and the evil eye and now he's wondering about my availability and my recent movie trips. Needless to say I don't like The Chipmunk. I'm sure he's a wonderful guy to his wife and 4 children but he's an all right co-worker to me who I'm not interested in breathing air with.


Actually I think I can claim Willy first but I dunno, he's got quite a few admirees around this place... A couple of weeks ago I happened to pass Willy and he tells me that "I'm the love of his life" and the flirtatious woman that I am says "Willy, now, you better stop playing with me" with a wink and a dip in my hard switch.

Probably in the same week Willy got on his knees and proposed to CB in the corridor. HELLOOOOOO!!!!!!

Mr. Senegal

Me and CB haven't come up with a name for this dude but she'll know exactly who he is if she reads this. About a week ago he asked me if I've been on vacation and I told him that I was working hard and just been busy generally. He then says, "You know, you have to let me take you to dinner some time". I replied, "Hahahahahahahahahaha! Have a good nite!"

Now Mr. Senegal went back home about a year or 2 ago and sent CB a postcard, obviously thinking of her even while he was away, about 7500 miles away!

********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

I'm posting this jokingly. Me and CB are far from being in competition or vying for the same guy. We like 2 different types and we both know that most of the guys here are for entertainment (comic relief) purposes only. Except for that fine Colombian dude who sets us both aflame - WHOOOOOOOOO! The Dr. Ian lookalike-for CB and the 2 that I've got special love for ~*smiles & giggles*~. We actually have a friend who I always tell her falls in love with the both of us rotatively. She doesn't think so or maybe she just doesn't want to admit it...

"You must think that I am blind,
You've been cheatin' me all the time
Whoa yeah, you still flirt
And you'll notice I ain't hurt,
To see you with my chum
Do you think that I am dumb
Ain't gonna play no second fiddle 'cause
I'm used to playin' lead..."

Monday, May 12, 2008

Post Mother's Day

There is something about Mother's Day that makes me feel like I can never do enough to repay my Mom for all she's done. So I simply focus on the day and celebrate her.

I tell her often that I love her. I help her out if she ever needs me. I'm taking off from work, accompanying her to various appointments (oh the joy!), picking up her favorite pom juice even though it's expensive, and doing all of the things that would make a mother happy and proud of her daughter.

So why does my Mom have a major at-ti-tude with me? Over what? I have not a clue!

I see my mom often, about 4 days a week, and I speak to her everyday. On the phone, Saturday morning, she was fine. However Sunday morning went a little like this...

Mom: Hel-lo
Me: Good morning Mommy, Happy Mother's Day to you!
Mom: Thank you
Me: So are you getting ready for church?
Mom: Not now
Me: Ok.... well it still is kinda early. Well I'll meet you there.
Mom: Silence
Me: Mom?
Mom: Yeah.... silence.... you know what? I'm not going to your church this morning. I'm going to church with Ms. P from the first floor, talk to ya later.


It's a good thing cell phones don't have dial tones.

The lady (Mom) was in a better mood when I arrived with flowers, cards with cash stashed inside. Perhaps she just wanted to see her daughter's face or maybe the preacher at Ms. P's church said something to ease my Mom's anger.

All in all, yesterday was a good day.

What I can't quite rap my mind around is the amount of money I spent on flowers. It was cheaper that 1-800-flowers or pro-flowers but dang! If the peddlers on the corner don't usually sell flowers, why in the world did they TRY to charge me $20 for 4 flowers? The thing is about peddlers is one is bound to have the right amount attached to the product, if you're willing to shop around and I'm frugal and willing. So I spent $25 for a dozen of red & white roses, baby's breath and that long green leafy part.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

I Am Changing

Since I've begun this journey on changing (not really sure where I'm going to end up), mixing up and disrupting my comfort zone - starting with clearing the clutter, a lot has taken place.

Clearing the Clutter

I have always been a hoarder. It's a bad habit and I've had it since childhood. I simply do not like to throw things away. When I buy new things, I still keep the old.

The other day I was searching for an old photo that I borrowed from my mother, and she's threatening me so I need to return it. I was going through photo albums and boxes in one closet where my dolls live (yes my Barbies and Cabbage Patch Kids), my old Vectrex has its place, books, hats, winter gloves & scarves and so much more crap that I hardly ever use. I mean I have a lot of stuff!

The other closet in the bedroom has my clothes and anyone who knows me would believe me when I tell them that my clothes and shoes spill out of the closet. Once again, I own and hold on to too much stuff.

Now before I continue, I'm not a messy person. I am extremely organized and anal about everything being in its place. I started clearing the clutter first in my bedroom, tackling small areas at a time. Actually that's the only area in my apartment that houses any clutter.

I immediately noticed that I slept better and woke up less groggy when my night table was cleared and my unimportant mail was shredded. I vow to really try to keep my bedroom clear, feng shuied and free.

Smashing the Fat

One of my coworkers, JJ, comes over to the cubby area and asks me to join her on a Smash the Fat journey. We've been trying to lose the extra poundage for years so I agree. My first 2 attempts, Monday & Tuesday, were half-azzed as I ate pasta and white rice. So my official day started yesterday. What instantly clicked for me was eating only what needed to be eaten. There's the list of foods to eat and what not to eat but even though my taste buds are craving cake, after I eat my fruits, vegetable and proteins, I don't have the room for cake and the cravings go away. I don't have to stock up on foods for later when the cravings hit, I eat when I'm hungry and I feel great. After day nine and the 2nd phase begins.... well, we'll see then.

Purging through my pen

Lastly, I've been getting down to the business of writing. I don't journal like I used to. I've kept a journal for years, probably since I was in elementary, but lately I haven't even been motivated to write. Well I journal on this bloggery but I don't really share my insane and intimate thoughts and thankfully I destroy my old diaries and journals annually so I don't have 20 years worth of them in the junk closet.

As I journaled these past 4 days, I noticed that I've been keeping a lot of thoughts hidden. I found it hard to write because I've gotten so used to holding in my ideas, things that I like to do, things that I look forward to doing and all of the activities that keep me lively. I know exactly what has me in this state, that I won't get into in this posting, but I had no idea that it was affecting me so severely. So I'm having a time exploring me, relishing in my own crazy and generating all of the funnies in my head down on paper again.

Change is hard. Nobody told me the road would be easy, but I'm pressin'...

Monday, May 5, 2008

Random Thoughts on CHANGE

change 1 a: to make different in some particular b: to make radically different c: to give a different position, course, or direction to 2 a: to replace with another b: to make a shift from one to another c: to undergo a modification of.

Amel Larrieux sings a song called "Gills and Tails" on her Morning album that I absolutely love. She is such a dynamic vocalist and songwriter. Her song comes to mind when I think of how my life is rotating lately and while I don't feel like I'm swimming in unknown waters or I'm drowning, lately I have been feeling..... stagnant.

At first I thought it was the winter season but when I started shifting through my old journal entries I think I've been feeling out of myself for about 2 years... Well that explains a lot!

I realized that somewhere after my Library school graduation and falling into the routine of life, I've lost my drive, my dreams, my passion... The thing is I don't even know if I feel motivated enough to begin to dream and to even contemplate another goal but by questioning myself and bringing light to my current condition, I am looking for a lifeboat.

I am almost embarrassed as I write post because I know that I've been living on autopilot for the past 2 years!

Wake up

Go to work

Go to church

Go home


I have no marital contract, no children, nothing feasible that I can attribute this to - so what in the world is my problem?!?!

Change is scary and it's uncomfortable but it's necessary.

First I'll start with clearing the clutter, the messes that I hold on to but just don't want to let go of, the clutter in my home and all of the issues that have kept me company on plenty of nights, clouding my judgement and waking me up at 3 am...

I'm getting excited right now simply thinking of the journey.