Amel Larrieux sings a song called "Gills and Tails" on her Morning album that I absolutely love. She is such a dynamic vocalist and songwriter. Her song comes to mind when I think of how my life is rotating lately and while I don't feel like I'm swimming in unknown waters or I'm drowning, lately I have been feeling..... stagnant.
At first I thought it was the winter season but when I started shifting through my old journal entries I think I've been feeling out of myself for about 2 years... Well that explains a lot!
I realized that somewhere after my Library school graduation and falling into the routine of life, I've lost my drive, my dreams, my passion... The thing is I don't even know if I feel motivated enough to begin to dream and to even contemplate another goal but by questioning myself and bringing light to my current condition, I am looking for a lifeboat.
I am almost embarrassed as I write post because I know that I've been living on autopilot for the past 2 years!
I have no marital contract, no children, nothing feasible that I can attribute this to - so what in the world is my problem?!?!
Change is scary and it's uncomfortable but it's necessary.
First I'll start with clearing the clutter, the messes that I hold on to but just don't want to let go of, the clutter in my home and all of the issues that have kept me company on plenty of nights, clouding my judgement and waking me up at 3 am...
I'm getting excited right now simply thinking of the journey.