Monday, May 5, 2008

Random Thoughts on CHANGE

change 1 a: to make different in some particular b: to make radically different c: to give a different position, course, or direction to 2 a: to replace with another b: to make a shift from one to another c: to undergo a modification of.

Amel Larrieux sings a song called "Gills and Tails" on her Morning album that I absolutely love. She is such a dynamic vocalist and songwriter. Her song comes to mind when I think of how my life is rotating lately and while I don't feel like I'm swimming in unknown waters or I'm drowning, lately I have been feeling..... stagnant.

At first I thought it was the winter season but when I started shifting through my old journal entries I think I've been feeling out of myself for about 2 years... Well that explains a lot!

I realized that somewhere after my Library school graduation and falling into the routine of life, I've lost my drive, my dreams, my passion... The thing is I don't even know if I feel motivated enough to begin to dream and to even contemplate another goal but by questioning myself and bringing light to my current condition, I am looking for a lifeboat.

I am almost embarrassed as I write post because I know that I've been living on autopilot for the past 2 years!

Wake up

Go to work

Go to church

Go home


I have no marital contract, no children, nothing feasible that I can attribute this to - so what in the world is my problem?!?!

Change is scary and it's uncomfortable but it's necessary.

First I'll start with clearing the clutter, the messes that I hold on to but just don't want to let go of, the clutter in my home and all of the issues that have kept me company on plenty of nights, clouding my judgement and waking me up at 3 am...

I'm getting excited right now simply thinking of the journey.


Jennabee said...

Clutter....I read somewhere that cleanliness is connected to our emotional state...This is so true..whenever I'm feeling like ish my house is a MESS. When we've got clutter in the house we've got clutter in the mind...Enjoy your journey.

Thx for the link.

Queen of My Castle said...

May I join this journey with you? I believe that there is soooo much more to life than what we are currently much more. Enjoy this journey!!!!

Don said...

good luck msknowitall. i hope that you are able to get to the point that you look forward to. good deal @ clearing the clutter. that is where i began my recent journey.

I've lost my drive, my dreams, my passion... i find this hard to believe.

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

That is/has been a problem for me. Staying with what I am comfortable with or know.
Clear the clutter.
But, I had to learn that after you clear the clutter you have to just take that step toward something new.
I had to take a leap.

Jewells said...

I sooooo feel you on this post.

I wrote two poems about it:

I wish you the best in CHANGE.

MsKnowitAll said...

Jennabee... thanks for coming thru... getting rid of the clutter of the mind, the physical space affects a whole lot, health, finances...

Queen... i'm linking arms with you girlie, of course you can join me on this journey!

Don... i can barely believe it myself, that i feel like my dreams have evaporated & my passion quenched but i've learned that if you don't keep things within your everyday focus, it's so easy to become derailed.

Sharon... thanks! that's exactly what i'm feeling - froggy (LOL)- moving onward to the new.

Jewells... thank you for your well wishes and thanks for the links.

i love both pieces and you've provided additional keywords: faith, praying, hoping, believing.

feeling further empowered by your comment. - thanks again.