Monday, August 31, 2009

Mr. Hill Harper

One day... a number of years ago... me and DC (my sister-girlfriend) were sitting in D.allas B.BQ, the one on 72nd Street, near The Dakota, a famous New York landmark... also well known as the residence of John Lennon. As we sat eating, the waiter comes over and asks us the name of the actor who was seated behind us. Quickly we twisted our necks and what came out of of mouths was more than his name but a chant, that is now burned in our brains....

Hill Harper, Hill Harper,
Hill Harper

Also known to me and DC as the Hill Harper song...

Then he was an actor on City of Angels and starring in movies such as "In Too Deep" but Hill is currently making his mark as an inspirational speaker and author, not to mention playing the part of Dr. Sheldon Hawkes on CSI: NY.

I admire Hill... Along with being an accomplished actor, he has a JD and an MPA but chooses to act and to bring awareness to the issues of young people, encouraging them through his publications. I am anticipating his new title... The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships to be released on September 8, 2009.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Tell Him... Validation

The other day I was having a conversation with my brother. He tells me of one afternoon when he and his wife were sitting on the couch, enjoying a movie. A question rose within him and he turns to his wife and asks.. "Am I your prince?". Her response to him was... "If you gave me what I want, when I want it, however I may want it, then you'd be my prince. So to answer your question... No, you're not." My brother was devastated. I was hurt just from listening to him retell the story. I really wanna choke out his wife but... The therapist in me asks... "Well, how did that make you feel?" His response was... "Insignificant" (I am paraphrasing, just so you know). We continued talking and he goes on to tell me that all he wanted in that moment was to be validated.

"Let me be patient let me be kind
Make me unselfish without being blind
Though I may suffer I'll envy it not
And endure what comes
Cause he's all that I got and
Tell him..."

We've all been there... asking our lovers, partners, "How do I look today?", "Am I pretty?", "Am I fine?", "Do I captivate you?". Sometimes we doubt ourselves, question our worth, question what we're giving to the relationship and we ask questions like, "Am I all you ever wanted?", "Do I make you happy?", "Are you satisfied?", "Content?". For some who've been going through hell in their personal lives and in their relationships, we long to hear reassurances, validations, just a little something to provide some wind to our wings.

I wished like hell my brother would have married a woman who would have said to him... "Prince? To hell with that! You're my King! You are beyond that!" Everybody at some point wants to feel like they are top shelf, first choice, the King/Prince... Queen/Princess in someone's life. While me and my brother talked, I reassured him, reminding him of the qualities he brings to the marriage, reminding him that he's a good man... but I know he didn't care to hear that from his little sister.

We finally got off the phone and I thought it over for days after... Of course I was fuming because no one messes with my big bro, not even his wife... but then my compassionate side spoke and said to me... She does not know how...

"Now I may have faith to make mountains fall
But if I lack love then I am nothin' at all
I can give away everything I possess
But left without love then I have no happiness
I know I'm imperfect & not without sin
But now that I'm older all childish things end
And tell him..."

I want to believe that if she knew what he wanted to hear, she would have answered that question differently. I want to believe that she's got her issues that does not allow her to address the emotional needs of her husband... And let's face it, it's hard to believe that men even have an emotional side. Women are the emotional species and men are the rational, devoid of emotion. We assume that because they are physically stronger, they are emotionally strong too. That's simply not the case.

Men need to be encouraged just as women do. They want compliments, support, and affection. They may not ask for it or demand it like a woman does... but when we love them, we must love them as we love ourselves...

"Tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
And it'll be alright"

Music Backdrop: "Tell Him" by Lauryn Hill

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Stop The World

For the past few weeks I have been extremely frustrated with my life. At this age and season of my life, I imagined things would be different for me… husband, 2.5 children, my own home, 2 cars, the picture perfect existence. Instead of me owning my life as it is, I’ve been asking myself “what if” questions, wondering if, somewhere through my twists and turns, did I take a wrong spin and mess everything up?

I imagine myself like the half earthling, half alien Evie in the 80s TV show Out of This World with the ability to stop and restart time… I’d go back to 1998 and begin again… or like Michael Newman in the movie Click, armed with a universal remote… I can stop, start, rewind and fast forward time… But the problem with both of these characters is that… they are both fictional and even if I could press one button and stop time, I’d be missing precious moments, memories, intricate pieces of life.

During one of my early heartbreaks, I climbed in my bed, pulled the covers over my head and allowed sleep to overtake me. I remember it being cloudy outside when I went to sleep but when I awoke many hours later it was sunny, my mother had gotten up, gone to work, and had returned back home, I missed a day of school and a new day was on the horizon. In my youth I really thought that by pulling the covers over my head I could stop the world but when I uncovered my head it was clear to me that the world never stops no matter how good or bad I may be feeling.

I remember these moments now… but for the past few weeks I’ve caused arguments, been resentful and sometimes evil. But like a bolt, it hit me… Last night I was out with friends, celebrating a birthday. We went to S.O.B.’s, a popular NY club, and it was salsa night… in all of my years of dancing, I’ve never taken salsa. Surrounded by happy people, dj’ed and live music, delightful drinks and dancing bodies, I gave myself over to the moment and danced. I danced hard and free to Cuban salsa, Jamaican reggae and Brazilian samba. Sure when I got home and turned the key, I greeted my empty abode and there was no one waiting there for me… I choose not to wallow in my circumstances, not to look at my life with regret, not to play “what if” games but to embrace my season right where I am and focus on the richness of my life.

My life is very full… yes I am single and childless but I am employed and I have some financial security. I am open to live, create and recreate as I please. At times loneliness hits me and I long for a companion but being single ain’t bad at all… the agony comes when I’m attempting to not be single.

I choose to let go… to not live in the past with the “what ifs” and no matter how powerful I think I may be, I cannot stop the world. So as the world keeps turning, I am encouraged and strengthened to keep on moving, keep on laughing, keep on achieving, keep on living, keep on loving…

Friday, August 14, 2009

Hearing Voices

Don't laugh and please don't look for the NYC mobile crisis number... I'm okay!
But lately I've been hearing voices...

The other day me and my co-worker decided we wanted fish for lunch. Mc.Donald's filet-o-fish just wasn't gonna cut it so we decided to venture a few blocks over and take some extra lunch time and have some fish ala R.uby T.uesdays. De-li-cious! I was pleased me with my lunch selection and so was she. I got what I wanted, when I wanted it, exactly how I wanted it.

But not everything that I want is so easily within my reach. If all I had to do was make a little time and spend the money for what I wanted, I'd be one happy woman.

Having what I want, when I want it, in the shape and function that I want it in and not being able to have it is frustrating... fresh tears have been spilling forth from my eyes and a heavy desire has been rising in my chest. I can visualize my dreams, precisely as I want them, yet they are out of my grasp.

I have been retracking my life, thinking perhaps I missed my opportunity to have what I want, maybe I need to redirect my focus, but that's extremely hard because I have this longing in my heart. The other night I sighed heavily. I shook my head in irritation and decided to go to bed early... well earlier than my normal 1 am bedtime. I had a lot on my mind and it tired me.

Today I was in a mall shopping with a friend. I can't recall the isle or the section of the store I was in when I heard the voice. I can't even remember what I was thinking about at the moment. All I know is I looked behind me because for a second I didn't realize that the voice wasn't from behind me but rose from within me.

The voice said one word to me and that one word quieted my disturbance and gave me a newfound commitment to having what I so profoundly want.


Patience doesn't mean procrastination. Patience does not mean pause. Patience goes along with perseverance and persistence. I am motivated and rejuvenated to continue my quest of catching my dreams.

I'm not crazy! Oh I'm sure at times I suffer from some sort of psychosis, however at that moment that "patience" rang within my ears, I was completely and totally sane... and continue to be.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I Keep... Words I Type 2007 -

I'M LATE, I'M LATE!!!! For my very own blog anniversary celebration...! So much is going on around me that I did not get around to posting on the actual day. Yet I didn't forget. August 10th is embedded in my memory.

Well it's been 2 years since WordsIType has been in the blog-o-sphere... On a whim, I started this blog. The writer in me wanted to open forum to share my stories, my explore the thoughts in my head, and connect with others.

Music means so much to me. I always have a theme song and most of my posts evolve out of some song I relate to. And so the background music for this here is "I Keep" by Jill Scott.

I keep

Moving forward, pressing onward, striving further
I keep
Keep on laughing, keep on living, keep on loving yeah
I keep
Keep on dreaming keep on achieving, keep on believing
I keep
I keep smiling when I come thru ...and I cry when I need too

Moving, pressing and striving: If ever there was a time that I am moving, pressing and striving, it is now! Complacency has no place in me and there is more to be seen, heard, done and so I am keeping on.

Laughing, living, loving: If you ever meet me and we have a moment to laugh, you will hear one of the biggest laughs. I love to laugh, I laugh daily. My friend sent me a text one day and the text read... "I have breath for you." I was confused and he clarified for me... "to breathe is to live, to live is to love and so I have breath for you". I loved it! And so living and loving go hand in hand... each day, in every way, I live and love. Yeah!

Dreaming, achieving and believing
: With my journal in hand, I wake up each day and write. My initial entries are usually the dreams I dreamt from the night before. I have some very lovely dreams... but then there are the dreams that I want to turn into achievements such as getting a 3rd degree, elevating higher in my career, forming a family of my own, creating my legacy. And everyday I believe and my belief gets stronger day by day...

Smiling & crying: This is funny... but lately I have been smiling & crying. That's what life and love will do sometime... place things in my heart that makes you smile and cry. My nickname as a youngster was Smiley because well after the joke was said, my smile would linger. I love the feeling of smiling, the outward expression of pleasure& happiness that resonates within my heart... and lately I've come to embrace crying... when I need to. Crying is necessary for cleansing and for strengthening. "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy."

And so I Keep... I keep writing, I keep posting, I keep reading... I plan to add to that... publishing. I'm still here and I'm going to keep on pressing... I keep on sharing, I keep on growing... There is so much more to come!

Friday, August 7, 2009

Infinite Possibilities...

Luv had this tag over on her blog and then The True Urban Queen also fulfilled her tag. I decided to post one as well.

I say it often enough that I am a fan of Amel Larrieux. Her vocals, her lyrics are divine. You can jam to the jazzy beat and receive a message through her words. In my opinion, that's how music is supposed to be!

She's not as popular as some neo-soul artists. Maybe she couldn't sell out big arenas but those who dig her, will dig her 20 years after her days with Groove Theory and her first solo recording. I can only speak for me... and my music collection is not complete until Amel's music is included... Here goes my post...

Pick your Artist:
Amel Larrieux

Are you a male or female:

Describe yourself:
“Searchin’ For My Soul”

How do you feel:
“Get Up”

Describe where you currently live:
“Sweet Misery”

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
“Mountain of When”

Your favorite form of transportation:

Your best friend?
“Dear To Me”

You and your best friends are:
“All I Got”

What's the weather like:

Favorite time of day:

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
“Even If”

What is life to you:
“Just Once”

Your relationship:
“For Real”

Your fear:

What is the best advice you have to give:
“Infinite Possibilities”

Thought for the Day:

How I would like to die:

My soul's present condition:

My motto:
“We Can Be New”

Happy Friday people!!! Have a wonderfully blessed, beautiful weekend!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

My Big Ego... Honest Scrap Award

Okay so the rules were for me to...

(1) Brag about it..
Wait! Hold up! My background music is playing...
"Usually I'm humble, right now I don't choose..." I've been awarded with this high and mighty award because... I am all that. Yep that's it and you know it! Ok really, I am honored, to receive The Honest Scrap Award. Thank you Luv. But still...

"I got a big ego, such a huge ego, such a huge ego
I love my big ego, it's too much
I walk like this 'cause I can back it up"

(2) Choose seven blogs I find brilliant and link to them, and..
Since my girls, True Urban Queen & Lovebabz, have been tagged, I shall tag Insatiable One & Kay C The QuietStorm. Yes I know that's only 2 blogs but it's my choice. So there!

(3) List 10 honest things about myself

Okay now... Brace yourself. I'm about to go deep so hol' on! LOL

My 10 Honest Things

1. You can call me Cougar. I adore the young male population. Not too young! I don't rob cradles! But there is something stimulating about a young face, a broad back and... stamina. Whew!

2. I got a potty mouth. However, I do not curse at church or work... well I don't curse in front of my boss... all of the time.

3. I made a promise to this man... that no matter what, no matter the distance, the time, the space, or circumstance... I would be available for intimacy with him. Now, why in the hell would I make a stupid @$$ promise like that?!?!

4. If you call my phone and have a gut feeling that I'm available yet I'm pressing the ignore button or if you call my home and feel that I'm looking at the caller ID, you're probably correct. I'm a recluse sometime. It's not personal.

5. For the 1st time in my life I am going to be a maid of honor. My best friend is getting married and I bullied and threatened her before she chose me to be her maid of honor or as the yardis call it, I'm the Chief. To think... she was considering some-body-else!

6. I have never been pregnant. It just recently amazed the hell out of my OB-GYN. Thanks Dr. Frey, you made me feel super!

7. I snore. Just yesterday I woke myself up with my own melodic hum. It was hilarious!

8. I am paranoid. A lot. About all things. I force myself to pray and make sure that my life insurance is up to date.

9. Once upon a time... I questioned my sexual orientation. However I am a bonafide pansexual... I'm just joking! Really! However I did question my sexuality and may have explored it in depth. May have...

10. I believe that anything is possible. I believe in miracles. I believe in grace and mercy. I believe in karma. I believe in love and I believe that love, indeed, conquers all.