Monday, October 29, 2007

Monday Ramblings

I got the idea for this post from another blogger and it made so much sense today. You know how you go through so much but can't take the time to write it all out but just want to say the gist of it and get on with it...? It would take me 20 posts probably to get out what I'm feeling, whatta weekend I had....

So here goes....

If you are known as the self-proclaimed church gossip, why are you asking me countless questions about my friends and family?

So let me get this, you made all of this mess and you want WHO to help you reorganize your life?

No you are not moving back into your girlfriend's house after she packed up your clothes the last time she wanted you out!

You are not officially broke until you have LESS than $20 in your checking account. Only ask me when you have $19.99 or less in the bank.

I understand now that I was obviously too much woman for you while we exclusively dated each other but are you seriously trying to get at me with that wedding band on?

Are you blaming your mother for the bad decisions you continue making even though you left home and have been independently living for the past 7 years?

There is no reason for you to carry on like that, see a therapist and get a prescription please.

You are requesting prayer and positive thoughts regarding the extra-marital affair you are having - you can not be serious!
You do realize that being his mistress means that you give less to your family, right? Oh no you don't get it.
Okay, you're a married woman, cheating with a single, good looking dude and you don't want HIM to date other women? Who is he supposed to be with while you're home playing mother & wife?

I know you did not turn your cell phone off after you left me a message telling me to call you!

If I went to bed after 2:00 a.m. for 2 days in a row, you betta believe I'm tired as hell today! Thank you very much for that, boo.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Accidents Happen

This has been one trying week for me. On Monday, my honey's daughter, who is handicapped, was kept from going to school because the bus failed to pick her up. That was drama. I went on to work while honey stayed home but I arrived here for 12:00.
Yesterday was good. I got here at exactly 9:30, my usual time, and I worked a little late, got caught up.
However this morning I woke up to water on my floor and a ceiling that is eventually going to be replaced. The family 2 floors above mine had a leak and the trickle which was more like a waterfall came flowing down. I asked my landlord to come, survey the damage, and he had the nerve to be slow at coming. After an hour I called the fire department. They were nice enough and big enough to cut my fuse off and bring the heat to the landlord for me. The slumlord was cordial and arrived after the fire department left only to tell me that there was a stopped up toilet and all is going to be okay. He was pissed that I called the fire department and I'm pissed that I had to but where was he when I was removing my clothes and linens from the closet, knocking on my neighbors doors and apologizing to the woman below me while explaining that I wasn't responsible? I kindly asked him if he was in a rush because now by closet, my bathroom and hallway were leaking and I just wanted to show him. We walked through and I explained to him that I'll be contacting him and 311 everyday until my apartment is restored. I sarcastically reminded him that I pay my rent, on time, no section 8, just because I'm a hard working woman, I am, who likes nice things plus a clean and mold free abode.
Now I know accidents happen but my slumlord has a nasty attitude and he's slow at fixing things and this is not the first time that we have had this problem. Nope. The family 2 floors above have 2 small children who like playing in water, whether it be toilet water or the sink water. Needless to say the bathroom walls, the tiles, the ceilings are destroyed. Oh and firemen don't make it any better. They love to destroy stuff so they nicely poked holes in my ceiling telling me it will help drain the water and motivate my landlord to fix the damage quicker.
I wonder if it's even worth fighting for. I want to move from that apartment and neighborhood but I stay because it's convenient, affordable. Now I have an even uglier bathroom (Wasn't too keen on the bathroom and was looking to remodel and refurnish), a huge laundry bill, oh and the upcoming fire department's report in case my slumlord tries to forget me or ignore me.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Happy Monday

This has been one of the most interesting Mondays I've had in a while. First off I was excited about coming to work to see my work friends, who make the whole 9:30 to 5:30 or whenever I get here to the 8 hours later, worthwhile.
I saw my honey yesterday and it's been about 3 weeks since we could really spend some time together and so that's exactly what happened. I'm still smiling.
So I get into work today and there's flowers all over my desk. At my job there are special events all of the time, not for staff, mind you, but for private persons, organizations, etc.
And so they order these flowers and when they're done, the night staff take them. Well I have this admirer who likes to place them on my desk and that's cool. They are lovely white roses and they're huge, beautiful and there are like 3 vases. BEAUTIFUL.

Except I don't like my admirer.

My on the job husband, J, comes over and he sees and he starts laughing because he knows about my admirer. He said he should be jealous but he knows how I feel about this dude. My co-workers in our tight knit division are asking me about the wedding date I set. At this point I'm not laughing so much anymore. Partly because at this moment the admirer is calling me and I'm so thankful that the j-o-b has new phones with caller ID because I've been caught out there so much. Needless to say, I haven't answered the phone.
Just 2 weeks ago, for MY BIRTHDAY!!!! (I'm still celebratin'), he gave me flowers and those were also beautiful so I called him to thank him and the conversation turned to him begging me to let him have a chance. I've known him for 10 years and I made it clear to him for 10 years that I'm just not feeling him. He's physically attractive, has a sense of humor, but there's something about his personality that does not agree with mine. We're incompatible and he hasn't realized it yet.

Oh well enough of that.

I'm looking cuuuuuuuuuute today if I have to say so and I do, thank you. LOL
I bought those new trouser jeans that are so popular and my honey tells me this morning that I have to buy 2 more pair. LOL
I have another on-the-job friend who I probably shouldn't be friends with because the attraction is very strong, unbelievably so, and he asked me to lunch today. I accepted and we went across the street to one of these gourmet deli places and we're eating and talking and I'm watching his lips move and not listening to his words at all... Can women and men be friends without intimate action? Sure, if those 2 people are grounded in themselves and their respective partners. Trust is key. But I will say this, do not for any reason think that there is absolutely no attraction. I'm having such a good day...
I'll end with this...
Where has that man been? Now I had the serious in my head relationship with him a while back when he played Spawn on HBO. He was aiight in the Mike Tyson movie but I'm mentioning him in my post today because over the weekend I had me a Michael Jai White dream. Yesssss I was all over that man and he was talking with that deep voice of his and I was creaming (I may as well tell the TRUTH!). I have yet to see "Why Did I Get Married" and honey wants to go this week after work but I think I may have to go solo so I can oooooh and awwww and have my chills in the spine moments all by myself! He looks a little hardened, like he's been smoking on some stogies, and that's all right because I heard his voice on Friday and I said to myself, "Self, he can still get it! Whew!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

After Birthday and I'm Still Celebratin'

My birthday was almost a week ago and it was one of the bestest ones yet. I celebrated by waking up at my birth time. It's weird but I'm a weird person and it's my birthday so I do what I wanna. Then I cooked my own breakfast of toast, hash browns & egg whites with some coffee (aaah!).
My mom finally picked out the armoire for me that she has been searching for. My old dresser was a hot mess with missing drawers but I'm just not a home furnishing type of woman. I would rather spend a day off at a Broadway show or at a movie theater or just hanging out, reading than to survey furniture or home furnishings. I really like the dresser though. It fits all of my clothes and then some and I was able to clear out some of my other spaces.
I needed to get my hair done in the worst way and when my partner came through with my other gifts I realized getting my hair done wasn't going to happen if I was to see The Color Purple that night!!!!!!! SO MUCH EXCITEMENT!!!
My mom told me that Fantasia does not appear in each performance so the whole time that I'm riding down I'm hoping and praying that Ms. Barrino would grace the stage and lemme tell you, she did - she sang, she portrayed Celie just as Alice Walker fictionalized her, as much as Whoopi was back in 1985, every member of the cast that night was terrific and I cried, I was moved, overjoyed, enlightened and elevated!!!
I could carry on about my gifts, I didn't receive a whole lot but I did get this really nice Banana Republic bag and I just LOVE it, love it. LOL
I finally got my hair done on Friday and I cut a bang - it's too cute. That was an issue for me because as I'm climbing the latter of age and wisdom and growing more and more bored daily I wanted to do something to create a spark. The bang is working.
So now that I'm 32 years old, I'm creating some new aspirations because I'm finding that I'm feeling monotonous and cutting my bang continuously ain't gonna cut it. I spent my 20s educating myself and now that I'm here in my 30s I'm feeling the urges of parenthood, home buying instead of tenement living, examining that 401K, 403B, making sure I have my life insurance up to par, trying to be very much fab and not too much flab (na'mean -LOL), just living life it, realizing that it's best to take things day by day and not try to jam it all in and creating new, wonderful memories with the special people in my life and the few that I randomly encounter...

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

My (Early Birthday) Gratefulness List

Been thinking about this list all this week and I'm feeling so great today!!!! Shout out to all of the Libras out there. The month is just getting started and I'll be in celebration mode until the 31st!

I am so grateful for:
Rising this morning with movement, breathing & a sound mind
Peanut butter
Peanut butter & chocolate together
The quiet time after 4:00 when all of my other co-workers leave
Yellow pom-pom flowers
Eric Jerome Dickey books, especially this new one "Waking with Enemies" (WHEW!)
My MP3 player that goes everywhere with me
Wrap around dresses
These khaki pants that I'm wearing - got me looking like Deelishus from Flava of Love!!!!
McDonald's iced coffee
The new TV season (House, Grey's Anatomy...)
My stylist Marisol who goes through hell & high water to make herself available even opening up at 6:00 AM
My mom who is trying to buy me some new bedroom furniture as a gift even though I've giving her such a hard time with my picky self
My brother who wrote my whole name, all 5, on the envelope containing my birthday card, LOVE YOU KKBM! LOL
Again, I'm grateful for the new Jill Scott cd, especially my recent favorite "My Love"
My on-the-job husband for the jokes & laughter he brought today and everyday
My co-workers & supervisor who bought me this delicious chocolate raspberry truffle cake
One of my best friends and personal photographer who took the group photo of us around the cake, thanks FP!
Duane Reade $5.00 reward coupons
Oprah Winfrey's O! website (a wealth of information)
Last but certainly not least - Thanks be to God for allowing me to see the eve of another birthday!!!!

Me & You....

This has been weighing on me and even though I'd like to write, post something lighter, funnier, fulfilling, I'm stuck right now, so I might as well let this thing out and move on from here....

Do we truly come from different worlds and that's what keeps us clashing, colliding, parting and what keeps us finding each other again and again?
I like you, your style, especially your intelligence, your personality, your off sense of humor and your disposition. I like how you're different from the average yet know a little of so much that you can blend in anywhere.
You're fantastic, if you don't know, if no one else tells you, I will, I do.
So where does all of this leave us...
You & me...
Should we be considered a we...
I used to think that I was clicking with you but you weren't clicking with me but then I realized that sometimes I don't always get you, like sometimes you don't always get me.
For instance, I think I know what you like, what you want, but I've formed my own assumptions - how assumptive of me... I've never asked just formed these thoughts in my mind and I do not like when people do that to me, so why would I do that to you?
I guess it may seem weird but I wanted us to share the same interests - a love of God, art, soul music, poetry, nature, movies... I wanted us connected. But do we really have to like the same things? I guess we don't but I am just wonderstanding why it feels like we just have this invisible blockage preventing us from truly connecting.
Could life be so intentional to prevent us from really meshing? Could we be that explosive? Take over the world explosive? Making power moves explosive? Or kill each other, drive each other "War of the Roses" explosive?
I don't know what it is about us but I'll tell you my theories....
You and I are so powerful together... conversations, goals, sexual... just overwhelmingly powerful and you fear that power, I fear that power. We both need to feel in control and just the thought that we could lose ourselves in each other, be guided beyond reason, be led by desire... we just take off away from each other. We run to others - out of sight, out of mind - yet we both know that no matter what, I'm thinking about you constantly and you're thinking about me...
Some people need to hear it, the words, but I know it when I see you and you see through me. Sometimes the words escape your lips while in intimate embrace and I pretend not to hear because the weight is too heavy for me right now or when I text message you which seems to be the only time I write the 2 words without the "I" because that would make the message
But I could be wrong and we just could be wrong for each other and that's why we are now not speaking, not emailing, not calling, straight avoiding each other... but I just, I mean I guess, hell - I'm just missing you and everything we are and have with each other but I don't know how to say or let things be.