Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Lately I have been enjoying the friendship of an old friend. It's a "long distance rekindling" and I appreciate the space. It allows for more to build.
I have been known, in my past, to move at a fast pace. I fall in love quickly. I've fallen in bed quickly. Yet I can attest that every man I ever loved, I truly loved...
Coming out of a long term relationship, a relationship that was fundamentally fragile and complicated, I was not looking to enter into another friendship with the possibility of loveship... and so my usual fast pace movements are slow, purposefully.
The reasoning behind my desire to pace myself is because I want to be alert, aware. I want to see the red flags and address them, not get so far in relationship that all we really want to do is bury our issues and move on. I want to realize the mistakes of my past, put them to bed and say goodnight before I pick up with someone new with the old lurking behind. I want to feel myself and learn of myself when I am single and make a conscious decision to enter into relationship (not fall into one) when it is time to connect with my loved one.
I don't go overboard on phone calls, text messaging, emailing or checking in. I don't go crazy if I can't make it to his state or he can't come to NY for visits. There's a time and place for everything and with us taking it very slow, we are big on understanding.
Oh don't get me wrong, I long to lay next to his warm body, feel his caress, feel his lips as he whispers "good nights" and "good mornings" in my ears. I want to see as well as hear his smile when he reads quotes or poetry verses to me. Yet I am content in knowing that when it's time, we will have our time. And in the meantime... I'm stronger, wiser and better. I am learning him and he is learning me. The friendship we had decades ago is rejuvenated.
I know that when I dive in, head first, I get headache and heartache so I'm enjoying this slow ride, enjoying every moment and increment...
*Artwork: "Love Letters" by Frank Morrison
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Dr. Oz, from Oprah, he also spoke of the 5 basic needs...
The range of the basic needs - from air to water to food to shelter to sex - varies... depending on the theories...
I went around to the QuietStorm and to Lovebabz's abodes and I see the question posted
I need for and want for little... sometimes nothing... because my needs are met.
Shelter - check
Food - check
Clothing - check
Oxygen - check
However today I just bought a new pair of sandals... because I am short and I needed a new pair of sandals that will give me some height but I don't need to be uncomfortable so I need a sandal to offer height and comfort, be inexpensive, and the right color. I opted for brown and it changed my entire outfit. Now I'm out $60.00 and though the sandals look and feel wonderful, I'm pissed that I spent money at all. Now would I be happy or unhappy if buying these fabulous sandals was necessary and my need was truly met?
I need my job... once again, I'm happy to go unscathed from unemployment, but times are tight and this j.o.b. is my resource...
And on that note - I need my SOURCE
See when I think about all the things I think I need... more money, joy, laughter, love, nature, a better neighborhood to live in, goals, achievements, confidence, dreams... I go to HIM. When I think about all I have, my heart says thank you. He is my source, the source of all provision.
This posting exercise has helped me recognize my needs and they are many... such as I need to forgive and then I need to let go... I need more faith and then I need to release many fears... I need self-discipline... I need boldness... I need to surrender... I need joy and I need my SOURCE - he's the great provider.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
It is an honor to work with these children. My Pastor appointed me to work with them 7 years ago... and I thought about quitting at least 12 times. Most people who work with youth ministries have experience working with children or have children of their own. Prior to this, I did not work with children and I do not have my own... yet through it all, I have grown with them and become attached to them.
I am proud of these talented, intelligent, marvelous children. 2 of the choir supervisors are mothers & grandmothers. The 2 younger supervisors (myself and another) have no children... yet I worry about these babies, I pray for them, I want them to excel and do better than their parents could even fathom, I want them to shine and outshine, dream dreams I couldn't even imagine. And I know my sister supervisor feels the same way.