Thursday, May 8, 2008

I Am Changing

Since I've begun this journey on changing (not really sure where I'm going to end up), mixing up and disrupting my comfort zone - starting with clearing the clutter, a lot has taken place.

Clearing the Clutter

I have always been a hoarder. It's a bad habit and I've had it since childhood. I simply do not like to throw things away. When I buy new things, I still keep the old.

The other day I was searching for an old photo that I borrowed from my mother, and she's threatening me so I need to return it. I was going through photo albums and boxes in one closet where my dolls live (yes my Barbies and Cabbage Patch Kids), my old Vectrex has its place, books, hats, winter gloves & scarves and so much more crap that I hardly ever use. I mean I have a lot of stuff!

The other closet in the bedroom has my clothes and anyone who knows me would believe me when I tell them that my clothes and shoes spill out of the closet. Once again, I own and hold on to too much stuff.

Now before I continue, I'm not a messy person. I am extremely organized and anal about everything being in its place. I started clearing the clutter first in my bedroom, tackling small areas at a time. Actually that's the only area in my apartment that houses any clutter.

I immediately noticed that I slept better and woke up less groggy when my night table was cleared and my unimportant mail was shredded. I vow to really try to keep my bedroom clear, feng shuied and free.

Smashing the Fat

One of my coworkers, JJ, comes over to the cubby area and asks me to join her on a Smash the Fat journey. We've been trying to lose the extra poundage for years so I agree. My first 2 attempts, Monday & Tuesday, were half-azzed as I ate pasta and white rice. So my official day started yesterday. What instantly clicked for me was eating only what needed to be eaten. There's the list of foods to eat and what not to eat but even though my taste buds are craving cake, after I eat my fruits, vegetable and proteins, I don't have the room for cake and the cravings go away. I don't have to stock up on foods for later when the cravings hit, I eat when I'm hungry and I feel great. After day nine and the 2nd phase begins.... well, we'll see then.

Purging through my pen

Lastly, I've been getting down to the business of writing. I don't journal like I used to. I've kept a journal for years, probably since I was in elementary, but lately I haven't even been motivated to write. Well I journal on this bloggery but I don't really share my insane and intimate thoughts and thankfully I destroy my old diaries and journals annually so I don't have 20 years worth of them in the junk closet.

As I journaled these past 4 days, I noticed that I've been keeping a lot of thoughts hidden. I found it hard to write because I've gotten so used to holding in my ideas, things that I like to do, things that I look forward to doing and all of the activities that keep me lively. I know exactly what has me in this state, that I won't get into in this posting, but I had no idea that it was affecting me so severely. So I'm having a time exploring me, relishing in my own crazy and generating all of the funnies in my head down on paper again.

Change is hard. Nobody told me the road would be easy, but I'm pressin'...


ChezNiki said...

I also sleep much better when my bedroom is clean. I read a book on fung shui for romance. Besides adorning the top right corner of your room with pairs of things (plants, lamps, candles, dolls, etc) the book basically stressed cleaning/ clearing your home so you could think straight!

Who knew!?!?!

Down 29 1/2 pounds. That last half pound is hangin on like a trooper, but I got a kickboxing class on Monday night that will take care of that! LOL!

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

I agree with chezniki. . .I sleep better and I can think straight. I am a firm believer in really cleaning out one's space.

I am thin but, I am trying to get toned. That is a struggle. When the pain hits I always want to quit. And it is hard work sometimes it looks and feels like I am getting nowhere.

I always wanted to keep a journal when I was younger but, I didn't want to write about what was going on in my life. This will sound crazy but I didn't want anyone to find it and know my secret and what was happening. And, now I blog my business to the world.

MsKnowitAll said...

Chez... congratulations on the 29 1/2 lost. I'm thinking of really doing my apartment over but then again, I really want to move but less clutter feels so good.

Queen... journaling has saved my life! blogging, journaling are truly my outlets.

Jewells said...

So many things I want to comment on...

Keeping all of that clutter will mess you up. I am periodically throwing stuff away. I realized the more stuff I keep from my past will keep me in the past. The more that I get rid of, the more clear I see things and I feel lighter.

I would like to do the Smash Fat diet, but I can't be restricting myself like that. If I crave something I have to go out and get it or when my diet is over, I will over-indulge in it. I have noticed that my taste for junk food is waning. Don't crave it or even like it like I used to.

I have a ton of journals where I've only used up maybe ten or so pages. I can't seem to stay consistent with it. Using the blog is my outlet.

Glad you are taking this time to explore you. Nothing like knowing who you are and what you love.

MsKnowitAll said...

Jewells... i agree with you on smashing the fat. if i wasn't doing it with a friend, i'd be eating as freely as i wanted to but i made a commitment.

the change is really about spiraling higher, getting out of this rut and onto another path. i'm enjoying every bit of it so far, just in time for spring/summer.