Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Be Intentional

"Now I might say you can walk
And I might name call
I may pull some silly stunts
But that's just a front, I don't mean it
Now I may holler at you
And I may tell you we're through
May give you looks that can kill
But it's not for real
I don't mean it"

I don't understand how people say things, knowing that they mean every word of it, while the thoughts are swirling through their heads, yet when they see the reaction from their hurtful, insulting, degradation, somehow it's "I was just joking", "I didn't really mean it", and the worst "I'm sorry". How about I say, "Keep your sorry", "What kind of fool doesn't really mean the words that are invoked and verbalized?", "A joke is only a joke when 2 people are laughing!".

"See I never meant
To break you down
And make you cry, make you cry
Oh please baby please
Turn back around
Don't you say goodbye, say goodbye
Sometimes I know that I can take it
Just a little bit too far
But yo my heart is good
Heart is good
So baby you don't have to worry
You're gonna see a change
Girl you know I love ya"
-R. Kelly "I Don't Mean It"

I've never been a fan of the word "Sorry". I say to anyone who attempts to hurt my feelings or to break me down, keep your apologies. "Sorries" are like band aids while there is a gaping hole underneath that no words, no kind actions, and no kisses - I don't care how sweet, can mend. If you offend me in any fashion, my first suggestion is to leave me alone, hold the phone - yep, don't call me and I don't want to hear your voice. I may not have any words for you at the moment and so you'll just get silence. But if by chance, I'm feeling verbose, remember that a tongue is like a two-edged sword.

I don't stay mad for long, and I'm grateful for that.

My second and last suggestion is to actually DO better. Be intentional if you're really "sorry". I want to see your apology in action. Realize that just because I forgive you, it does not mean that you can repeat your foolishness, since my forgiving you doesn't mean that you automatically have a place in my life again - it simply means that I thank you for giving me that experience but I need to move on to... people who are intentional with their words and their actions. People who mean what they say and say what they mean. People who know the weight of words and choose them wisely.

Proverbs 12: 18
"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

"Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue."

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."


Charizard said...

Yeah..ur post is very tot provoking..very very cuz I am partly guilty of always doing that and it annoys me to no end when people do the exact same thing...buh I've made up my mind to make a change today..to say only what I mean...

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

Sorry should be followed by action.
If you are sorry then you do what it takes to make it right or to not repeat the mistake.
My ex husband would say sorry all the time after he did something then turn around and repeat.
When it gets like that it is best just to let the person go and move on.

Don said...


Great post. I too feel the same that you feel. I can respect a man or woman better if they let me know the real man or woman, speak their peace, then never return to say 'I am sorry' for the damage has already been done. I am not big on those words myself. i accept apologies, but I never accept the words spoken from the tongue. Never.

We agree, everyone should think before they speak. Absolute truth.

Don said...

My second and last suggestion is to actually DO better.


MsKnowitAll said...

Charizard... thank you much. Saying what you mean is very wise.

Urban Queen... thank you Sis. We all make mistakes but I commend the person who learns from it and doesn't repeat it. So glad you're ~here~ with me.

Don... many thanks to you, especially for taking it a bit further for me "i accept apologies, but I never accept the words spoken from the tongue. Never.

Eb the Celeb said...

In most case when people feel they have to apologize for something means that they made an assumption about something and after finding out it was wrong want to come back and make it right...

but the first 3 letters of assumption shine threw to the type of person that is.

I am not big on sorry's either but I do think its better if you are wrong to be a real man/woman and confront that person and say sorry even if they arent the type of person that will ackowledge it.

at least your conscience is clear and you tried to make things right with them.

Lovebabz said...

We all hurt people and make mistakes and get it wrong. We are all insecure and foolish and mean. But we are also kind and generous and loving.

I am sorry and I mean it. I can accept sorry and keep it moving. If you hurt me then I know I am alive. If I hurt you, then I was being selfish and acting out of fear. Fear is the opposite of love.

I do not have a judgement about hurt or sorry. Just that I get it wrong and I get it right. I make mistakes and I make successes.

Very thought provoking.

Believer 1964 said...

I have forgiven and been forgiven and it's taught me to be humble and realize I'm not perfect either.

Jennabee said...

This is so true...I absolutely, cannot stand the words..."I'm sorry." Most of the time, people say these words so fast right after they observe your hurt. They have not had enough time to understand what hurt you and why, before they go blurting out the Words "I'm sorry." People use these words so much, it has watered down the effect of the words and they have become meaningless. I appreciate an "I apolgize" that is sincere, once the hurter has understood what they've done and are geniunely concerned with your feelings......great topic to point out.

MsKnowitAll said...

Eb... I agree with you. I'm not big on "sorrys" but if you big enough to try to reverse the situation, then it's ok, but no repeat offenders.

Lovebabz... I like your spin. We all make mistakes. It's simply best to forgive and move forward.

Jennabee... my Libra sis, I know you feel me! LOL Sincere apologies are welcome but people don't do a lot of thinking before speaking and that's just hurtful.