"I don't just want to have a boyfriend-I could have five boyfriends. I want someone who is part of my destiny." India.Arie -Essence, June 2002
I have an on the job friend who offers to take me to lunch, offers to pay my cell phone bill, and just last year offered take me to Paris. I'm sure he's a wonderful man and I could accept the material gifts he has to offer but right now that's not enough.
I ended my 4 year relationship last year and started up a new rendezvous that I believe has suffered its last fizzle just today. I'm okay with putting my past to bed and I'm moving forward to the better that life offers because I've learned to appreciate myself and damnit, I deserve it.
When I hung up with my friend who was making demands on me yet not carrying any weight or making his presence known in this relationship, that experience only reinforced how great and wonderful I truly am. I have no reason to settle.
I believe that compromises should be made in relationships. You have to carve out time that you would normally spend with your girls or time spent with your boys but one demand I will never adhere to... Quieting my voice.
For the next dude who comes my way... Please know that I love and appreciate chivalry but that's only the beginning. You have to be emotionally stable, financially responsible and doing a great job prioritizing your life, i.e. spending quality time with your child/children.
I have standards and for the first time in years I'm truly going to stick to them. I love The Happy Go Lucky Bachelor's Deal Breakers. Everyone should have and know what their deal breakers are. And keep to them. Why should anyone settle for less just to say that they have?
I am an established, stable woman. For me, it's only up from here. If you're still trying to find and redefine yourself and you're over 35 years of age, I am not your type of woman. That is not to say that there is no room for growth or to improve oneself. That should be done daily.
When I read India.Arie's article in Essence almost 7 years ago, that comment above has stuck with me since. I too want someone who is part of the intricacies of me, my growing, my aging, my creativity - finding joy in just getting to know and loving me.
But not right now...
I'm still bursting from the excitement that this new year has already brought in. Already this month, I'm doing new things and living purposefully. Plus I LOVE spending time alone. Sure it would be nice to have someone to go to events with or someone waiting at home for me to tell about my day. However, when the time is right, I know my destiny man will come along and I'll be ready for him when he arrives.