I don't know exactly when it happened or whose words of advice first changed my way of thinking... but I was told and taught to believe that men are incapable of being trusted. No matter how much they love you, they will all lie to you at some point. And no matter how fine you are, no matter how big your ass, no matter how great in bed or how delicious your morning breakfast is, they will cheat. It's not a matter of if, it's only a matter of when.
The thing with not trusting men is that you spend a lot of time and energy questioning them about everything...
Are you sure you never slept with your best girl friend?
When you called me at 11:03 instead of 11:00 on the dot like you usually do, is that because you were sleeping with someone else?
Did I just catch you staring at my best friend's ass? I betcha wanna sleep with her, right?
More importantly, by not trusting men, we allow doubt and scrutiny to ruin a potentially great relationship. I know because I've ruined quite a few involvements myself.
The other day I was watching episodes of last season's Bad Girls Club. First off, yes I am guilty of watching this mess. It was an episode when one of the bad girl's boyfriend was coming to visit and a fellow bad girl didn't like the boyfriend because he was reluctant to define their relationship yet he wasn't hesitant to have sex with his girl. The fellow bad girl was convincing the other that her man was her cheater and wasn't deserving of her.
Bad girl runs off crying to her bedroom and says if I'm not running around and having sex with a bunch of people, is it wrong for me to believe that he's not running around and having sex with a bunch of people? Now I'm touting up my lips because I'm thinking, "Girl you are good and stupid! If he doesn't want to define your relationship, it's because he's a punk who wants his freedom to do his dirt". But then it hit me.
A man doesn't need his freedom to do his dirt. Married men cheat. Committed men cheat too. A man will cheat, come home and tell his wife that he loves the ground she walks on. A man will swear to you that you are more than enough woman for him and slip his number to the next woman.
I digress... because what I really want to say is that I think it's wonderful that this young woman chooses to believe in the good of men. I would hope that if she's not running around and sharing herself with others, her man will be a reflection of what she's giving and return the favor.
I'm a skeptic. I must truly admit it but I want to believe that if I'm giving a man the best that I got, he sees my worth and in return gives me his best. I wanna believe that so badly. The men in my life haven't exactly been good examples but I will tell you this... looking and expecting something to go wrong is exhausting! I prefer to work on me, being a better me, loving when it hurts and giving even when my skepticism tells me he ain't even worth it. As long as he is reflecting the love I'm giving, I don't have to look no further.
I just need to trust what is.