Thursday, January 29, 2009

Oprah Know She Said...

Okay, now since O came out about her weight, she's been complaining. Or venting. Or simply telling her story. Over the past year we've all noticed the bulge and I personally think as women, our weight naturally fluctuates due to hormones, life and stress.

Hey Oprah! - ISH happens!

Yesterday I caught her show and she just happened to be sitting kinda irregular. Her arms covered her midriff and she sat on her right side the entire time. Now she already put her numbers out there, why is she still trying to hide her pudge?

She's not the 1st to gain back weight and she won't be the last. A few years back MadTV joked about her having a "skinny" camera that took away the poundage as opposed to the other cameras that packed it on. I've been thinking... with a personal chef, personal trainer, and a personal stylist, she has no reason not to stay on point. But then again, she's like most of us and most of us who go through life's changes and shemotions, would probably dismiss our personal people after awhile and handle business as best as we know how. She probably said...

To her personal chef, Oprah probably said…

At breakfast time...
"I’m feeling slightly melancholy, this morning I think I’ll have a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese and jelly, a hot chocolate and a banana for my potassium…"
Instead of saying... "Yum, bran cereal again!"

At lunch time...
"Don’t worry about lunch, Gayle is picking me up a hoagie from Blimpies…"
Instead of saying... "Yum, green salad and bland grilled chicken with nooooo dressing!"

At dinner time...
Oh thank you but I picked up an Entenmanns’s cake on my way in… and I'll eat this while sitting in front of the TV...
Instead of saying... "Yum, baked fish and veggies!"

To her personal trainer, Oprah probably said…

"When we come back around that corner, can we stop in Burger King? I'm feeling like a sausage croissant this morning?"
Instead of saying... "Let's walk another half a mile, me and Gayle had a big dinner last night."

"No I'm not putting on weight, I'm just bloated silly!
Instead of saying... "Well you know Stedman bought home some chocolate cake last night and I kinda ate the whole thing, except for the slice I gave to Sted."

"Absolutely not, I am not doing another 30 minutes on this treadmill!"
Instead of saying... "I'm sure you can tell by my heavy breathing that I'm tired and packing on the pounds, perhaps we should try another type of workout for motivation."

To her personal stylist, Oprah probably said…

"Ummm, no more pastel colored suits in size 10s, ok?"
Instead of saying... "It's quite obvious that I'm not pushing away plates so can you please bring me a couple of size 14s for me to try on? In BLACK please."

"Ummm, no more form fitting lycra dresses, ok?"
Instead of saying... "I'm going to need 2 pairs of Spanx and a long sweater to cover the backside, please, thank you."

"No more white, winter white or knit, no more, ok?"
Instead of saying... "I can wear denim, wools, heavy cottons and long flowy shirts, got that? Thanks!"

Of course I'm only poking fun and making Oprah out to be grumpy. Why? Because we are all grumpy when our clothes no longer fit and we look at ourselves in the mirror and can't stand what we see. But really, Oprah has a stylist who can hook her up and over the years, she's still looked fabulous and I'm sure once she figures out what's holding her back from keeping her on her road to fitness, she'll be back on the cover of her magazine, baring it all for the world to see.

By the way, Happy Birthday Oprah!!!

7 comments:

Strongblkwmn said...

Hilarious! Great post. People think money buys happiness, but it obviously doesn't. We all have our issues no matter how much fame or success we acquire.

Kiayaphd said...

Funny!!

I need to be saying more than half of those things to myself (can't afford any personal ANYBODY'S!!).

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

Ha-ha.
I watched Oprah(during the 2009 resolution week thing) and she said it was a love thou self issue.
Goodness knows I can relate to her there.
My love for self comes and goes.

Oh but if I get some big money best believe it could help. Won't cure but will help.

Lovebabz said...

LOL!

YOU know I posted about La O! I am tired of fussing baout weight! Sigh!

Lovebabz said...

LOL!

YOU know I posted about La O! I am tired of fussing baout weight! Sigh!

clnmike said...

Lol, good ones.

MsKnowitAll said...

LOL - I had so much fun writing these. I was on the phone with my co-worker while typing so she got to hear me. We cracked up!

Thanks y'all!