Though it didn't last long, and ended because we couldn't or wouldn't rise above our differences and focus more solidly on our similarities, it was one of the most insightful, encouraging and memorable relationships I've had. Possibly ever.
What made the difference between me and this man and all of the others is that love was the undertone of everything. I'm pretty sure if I put my ego to bed and called him right now, we'd begin and end the conversation in love.
And for me... I still love 'im. But I know that we were together for a reason and a season but not a lifetime.
Lovingly, we communicated always. From day one, I was reminded of Erykah Badu's Next Lifetime "Your energy, feels so damn good to me..." Even in disagreements, we voiced our opinions without yelling or insulting and we quickly recovered. And what I cherished so much was his positive ways and peacefulness.
Lovingly, we encouraged each other to pursue our dreams. He's a musician and producer and I a woman of many trades. It's easy to want to consume the free time of your partner but when a dream is in the making, you must give each other space, and we did that continually.
Lovingly, we blended into each other's families, friendships, and everyday activities. During our time together I was reminded that loveships are not supposed to be hard. There is not supposed to be a struggle. In love there is no competition to outdo or overdo, just do.
Lovingly, we parted.
Today I miss him a little more than I have since we parted. This morning I must have been on autopilot as I picked up the phone and began to dial his number, only to remember that we are no longer together in a loveship.
Now I could have followed through with the call just to see how he's doing and to make sure all is well. It's not as if he hasn't run 'cross my mind often throughout the days since our last conversation. As strongly as I feel, as much as I miss our daily interactions constantly, and as passionate as we were, I know that it is best for me to exercise self-control, use sharper judgement and keep the ties disconnected. Because ...the reality, honestly, He was not good for me, and I was not good for him.
I just remember what we used to do.