Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Could Have Been Me...

I peruse the gossip websites MediaTakeOut, Bossip and TMZ and they love to hate on Amy Winehouse. I happen to adore her music. When she came out with Rehab, I bought her Back to Black cd and then my co-worker CB put me on to her earlier release Frank. To me… she’s the British, Caucasian version to Mary J., Lauryn Hill. Her voice is raspy and her lyrics are raw.

While I dig her music, it pains me when I see photos of her, drugged and spazzing out. I wonder what is torturing her soul so that she turns to drugs, alcohol and violence for solace.

Even more importantly whenever I see Amy, I think to myself… this could be me. When I see Whitney and Lauryn Hill, I feel the same… what if love-gone-wrong enveloped me and my only outlet was drugs, alcohol or living reclusively? I think of the 1 and ½ times that I tried marijuana… I probably wouldn’t have tried it had it not been for that man lying next to me, holding the blunt between his fingers… and he was the same guy who helped me slip myself a mickey at a party telling me to drink Heineken and Bacardi Limon – TOGETHER. I could be that drugged out, crazed woman searching for her soul. The night that I slipped myself a mickey, I was dazed and passing out. I am thankful for my friend who came in to see about me after he and I wandered into an empty room and I began to throw up while lying on my back. This friend along with her sister and another friend bathed me, washed my hair and took care of me… all of which was unbeknownst to me. At that moment, I was Amy, Whitney, Lauryn, Natalie, Lindsay…

I have so much compassion for these sisters. If I had to walk in their shoes, endure their pains and hurts, and see what their eyes have seen… Well let me tell you… It’s not because my eyes have been secluded from the harshness of life because my eyes have seen, my ears have heard, my heart has felt heaviness… extreme… My heart goes out to Amy. I send positive thoughts her way because I have had my share of battles that no one has known of. She suffers and the world sees. My heart goes out to every woman who suffers the same, only not in the public eye, but it’s a battle of the spirit, just the same.

Natalie Cole made a rather harsh comment about Amy being a bad influence, as if she is free to judge, and the critics and cynics throw negativity her way stating that Amy Winehouse won’t live to see 30… I am a witness to turn arounds. I believe in miracles. In the force of life changes and every woman who reinvented herself, I believe in time Amy too can transform.


Kofi Bofah said...

Humanity is never separated by many degrees.

The outcomes of our respective lives are closer than we all realize.

Ms. Liryc said...

I love Amy Winehouse, I agree I do think she's the caucasian version of Mary, its so sad cause she's so talented. She reminds me of the late greats who were to troubled by different things in their life that they died prematurely. I really wish that she gets better and continues to make wonderful music. She's a talented artist and she needs some guidance..

We need to pray for her.

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

I think like that all the time. . .that is why I try not to judge people.
Cause that could be me.

That girl on the corner . . .who ran away from home and now sells herself.
That women who is picking up a crack pipe or shoot herion in her arm.

That could have been me.

After some of the things I have went through. . .I am surprised I didn't end up more than just crazy :)

And Natalie had me seeing red when she said what she said because if I remember right she too once had a problem.

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

Yes, Ms. Natalie had a coke problem as I recall. How quick we are to point fingers, but I digress...

I think most of the "greats" battled demons. Makes you think that you must have a battle in your life in order to make you great. Like the pain makes you dig deeper for the next great song lyric or melody.

I was once told that I would be a great writer because of my pain. Experience gives you something to pull from.

ChezNiki said...

I think the fact that you thought about it possibly becoming a problem is what sets you apart from the Amy's and Lindsey's of the world.
Most drug addicts are a) completely overwhelmed by their lives and will do anything short of suicide to excape, or b) try something highly addictive once, thinking it is fun and harmless and then cant let go of it later.
You still work and pray and write, so you are far from addictionville.

ChezNiki said...

.. I also wanted to say that EVERYTIME I hear "Tears Dry on their Own" I cry... bawl really

MsKnowitAll said...

ChezNiki... If my man was fightin', some unholy war, I would be behind him...

I guess I am far from addictionville but sometimes I feel like a sip of this, a hit of that can be just the reprieve I need from nonsense.

Have you heard her Frank album? Back to Black, you can definitely feel her greater pain but Frank holds it down too.

MsKnowitAll said...

Liryc... Everytime I listen to the song Back to Black... I do pray.

Queen... Exactly why I don't judge. I learned while working in social services that some of the most rigid people are those who abused alcohol or drugs themselves.

Kay C... So true. And I think of... Aretha Franklin, Mary J... Donnie Hathaway