Yesterday as I sat at my desk, at work, listening to Pandora when T.O.N.Y comes on. The song is sung by Solange Knowles off of her Sol-Angel & the Hadley St. Dreams LP. It starts with a niiiiiice beat and then the first line kicks in..
"TO.N.Y don't call no more... "
And like most things, nowadays, I am reminded on my friend... We're actually more than friends but not too heavily invested to give each other titles. But I decided to give him a new nickname...
Tony is not at all like the man Solange sings about... no he's not a one night stand, he's not some random dude, he actually does care about me... my "Tony" just has some T.O.N.Y qualities.
"T.O.N.Y don't call no more"
We actually "speak" daily and it may be in the form of an instant message or an email or via telephone but I prefer to hear his voice, his laughter (not LOL) and I want him to hear me...
"T.O.N.Y don't care no more"
Well see Tony lives a billion miles away, which is why speaking on the phone isn't always the best option and we're not on the same cell phone network... (there's no free mobile-to-mobile) And he really does care about me. He shows me daily... but I'm greedy & selfish. I've got to admit it.
"T.O.N.Y wasn't just some regular guy"
Tony was a high school sweetie. He's a few of years older and he graduated before me. We fell out of touch after high school and recently reconnected through facebook. To him I was always a little girl, someone he was interested in and couldn't understand why... and for me... well... Tony was my dream come true...
"I could have been in love by now... if it wasn't for T.O.N.Y"
See this is the deal... I'm in NY and he lives out of state... a good long drive, bus ride or even plane ride out of state. With all of my possibilities here, where I live, where I can interact with, actively date someone, if I wanted to, and lay my hands, lips & eyes on.... I choose Tony.
I choose Tony, not as some redemptive involvement where I am trying to get that ole thang back, rekindling my high school flame, basking in my hey day... The grown woman me appreciates the older, wiser and grounded Tony. Newer, improved, refined.
I choose Tony, not for the butterflies in my belly feeling, the giddy laughter we share or the high school memories we have in common. There's so much more.
"But I really like T.O.N.Y"
Through the long distance phone lines and the monthly visits we both take, Tony gives me more than I've ever had, in any man I've ever shared myself with. One example of this is... you know how Steve Harvey talks about the 3 P's that a man offers (Profess, Protects & Provides), in his book Act Like A Lady..., he exemplifies those virtues. And I have never experienced all 3 virtues in one man. And I appreciate it. A lot.
The time we take to talk, listen and understand, the layers we've uncovered and the honesty we've communicated... we both treat this like a beautiful treasure, a precious pearl... more than a 2nd chance, more like a new beginning.
We're both aware that if one of us does not relocate that what we have can only last for so long. Although he takes me to visit libraries in his city when I visit and emails me job opportunities often, we're both not sure about uprooting our lives and we're still new, in a sense, but we're open.
In Solange's song, T.O.N.Y is more like an impulse, a sidetrack, a mistake. But everything about me and my Tony is purposeful, thought out, rational. Tony is my conscious choice and no matter what happens, we enjoy our time, creating new memories, a seized opportunity, rediscovered passion...