Wednesday, September 2, 2009

T.O.N.Y.


Yesterday as I sat at my desk, at work, listening to Pandora when T.O.N.Y comes on. The song is sung by Solange Knowles off of her Sol-Angel & the Hadley St. Dreams LP. It starts with a niiiiiice beat and then the first line kicks in..

"TO.N.Y don't call no more... "

And like most things, nowadays, I am reminded on my friend... We're actually more than friends but not too heavily invested to give each other titles. But I decided to give him a new nickname...

Tony is not at all like the man Solange sings about... no he's not a one night stand, he's not some random dude, he actually does care about me... my "Tony" just has some T.O.N.Y qualities.

"T.O.N.Y don't call no more"
We actually "speak" daily and it may be in the form of an instant message or an email or via telephone but I prefer to hear his voice, his laughter (not LOL) and I want him to hear me...

"T.O.N.Y don't care no more"
Well see Tony lives a billion miles away, which is why speaking on the phone isn't always the best option and we're not on the same cell phone network... (there's no free mobile-to-mobile) And he really does care about me. He shows me daily... but I'm greedy & selfish. I've got to admit it.

"T.O.N.Y wasn't just some regular guy"
Tony was a high school sweetie. He's a few of years older and he graduated before me. We fell out of touch after high school and recently reconnected through facebook. To him I was always a little girl, someone he was interested in and couldn't understand why... and for me... well... Tony was my dream come true...

"I could have been in love by now... if it wasn't for T.O.N.Y"
See this is the deal... I'm in NY and he lives out of state... a good long drive, bus ride or even plane ride out of state. With all of my possibilities here, where I live, where I can interact with, actively date someone, if I wanted to, and lay my hands, lips & eyes on.... I choose Tony.

I choose Tony, not as some redemptive involvement where I am trying to get that ole thang back, rekindling my high school flame, basking in my hey day... The grown woman me appreciates the older, wiser and grounded Tony. Newer, improved, refined.

I choose Tony, not for the butterflies in my belly feeling, the giddy laughter we share or the high school memories we have in common. There's so much more.

"But I really like T.O.N.Y"

Through the long distance phone lines and the monthly visits we both take, Tony gives me more than I've ever had, in any man I've ever shared myself with. One example of this is... you know how Steve Harvey talks about the 3 P's that a man offers (Profess, Protects & Provides), in his book Act Like A Lady..., he exemplifies those virtues. And I have never experienced all 3 virtues in one man. And I appreciate it. A lot.

The time we take to talk, listen and understand, the layers we've uncovered and the honesty we've communicated... we both treat this like a beautiful treasure, a precious pearl... more than a 2nd chance, more like a new beginning.

We're both aware that if one of us does not relocate that what we have can only last for so long. Although he takes me to visit libraries in his city when I visit and emails me job opportunities often, we're both not sure about uprooting our lives and we're still new, in a sense, but we're open.

In Solange's song, T.O.N.Y is more like an impulse, a sidetrack, a mistake. But everything about me and my Tony is purposeful, thought out, rational. Tony is my conscious choice and no matter what happens, we enjoy our time, creating new memories, a seized opportunity, rediscovered passion...


9 comments:

Lovebabz said...

Well then start the conversation about the possibility of moving...to him...to you or somewhere in the middle. It is certainly worth the conversation.

Have the conversation and see what emerges...

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

I'm wishing you well and loving the "new do" ;-)

(((HUGS)))

Insatiable One said...

This sounds like my current situation. Wow. I don't blog about it because I'm still sorting out some feelings but definitely along the same lines.

I say if your heart is telling your 'yes', then maybe you should listen. And definitely make sure he knows. I think I hear the beginnings of a great love story...

Brandi Bates said...

Interesting!

MsKnowitAll said...

@Sister Lovebabz... In time we will begin the conversation. We're taking baby steps, it's safer that way.

@Kay C... Thank you for the well wishes & the compliment. ;-)

@Insatiable... Me & you always seem to have these parallel experiences... hmmm
My problem is that I don't relay my emotions well... but I'm learning.

@Brandi... Thank you Ms. Lady

Eb the Celeb said...

you broke down that song so that it can forever and consistently be broke... the power of music and the emotions it brings out in us is something I will never understand... if really takes over your spirit and can mean so much to one person. Its a shame that some are so frivolous with what they choose to put out their when it has so much power.

MsKnowitAll said...

Eb... So true!

Luv said...

all i can say is don't mess it up..don't get all in your head or try and control things or get scared and push him away..or you pull away... hmmm

yeah i used to have a guy that gave me all the P's but i was annoyed by it (this was b4 the book) i thought he was playing games or making a fool of me..it wasn't until we were no longer that i really realized what i had

MsKnowitAll said...

Luv... You must really know me, because I am a push away queen! But with the distance, it gives me a chance to just dwell in the moment, not overthink everything, be logical & not emotional. And Girl! I'm not used to the 3 P's. It shocked the mess out of me! LOL I've had 3 Over P's... you know overprotective, overprofessing, overproviding, which was not good, at all. But I appreciate it when it comes from the heart & it's done just right.