Friday, November 14, 2008

TGIF... Random Words I Type

Apartment Therapy
This week has been so long for me. I've been calling Social Security, sending out Thank You cards and cleaning out Grandmother's apartment. It is such a big ole mess but it has to be done so that housing can rent it out again. I found a few treasures during the clean-up but a lot of her stuff will be donated. From this experience, all I have to say is... if you don't have a pot to piss in or piss to even put in the pot in the first damn place, HAVE A WILL. A piece of notarized paper which says I don't have ish but I want my non-ish to go to such and such is suffice. Why? It eliminates the running around your poor granddaughter will have to do. It eliminates the police presence and the court documents. It will make things so much easier. Also I know it's morbid and no one wants to think about it, but keep all important documents (insurance papers, birth certificates, passports, etc.) in a nice noticeable box or even in a bag, organized. Not on the floor under the dresser, under the clothes under the dresser. You had to hear me on Tuesday in the apartment, "Why Grandma, Why?!!!

Sibling Love
For those who don't know, I am the baby of my family with 3 older siblings. 2 brothers and 1 sister. On November 4th, we welcomed a new addition to my family. My brother, Jr. and his wife gave birth to a baby girl, my beautiful niece Davina Monique. 8 pounds and 14 ounces!

Now my oldest brother who I spoke about earlier this year in my post Where Does The Love Go?, we're 11 years apart and not very close. We talk and text but we hardly share much, however this week we bonded on some "don't tell mommy" stuff. I don't know what it is about my brother but he tells our mother EVERYTHING. I am the complete opposite. I tell her what I want her to know and especially when it comes to relationships because a good mother is going to take the side of her child and hate the person who is doing her child wrong and that's exactly what brought us together this week. Between my brother and my nephew's mother, they have been driving my mother crazy with their relationship drama but he confided in me and though I don't agree with his life decisions, I love him tremendously and support him no matter what. I pray he finds his way, settles down, and finds someone who loves him for who he is rather than what he can provide.

Since my grandmother passed, I have wanted to reach out, be intentional and connect with family I have not communicated with and especially with my sister. I have not spoken to nor seen my sister in 17 years. When I asked Jr. for her number and email, he told me he didn't have it. I wanted to text her or email rather than call her direct because she may not respond. That hurts. She didn't come to Grandmother's funeral because she wanted an invitation from my father and as much as my dad loves his children, he is strong, stubborn and does not stroke our egos. However even though we are good and grown, he still spoils the mess out of us. :)
Jr. told me when I visited him that she's selfish and to leave her alone but I don't want to. I've done that enough with a few folks but even if she blows me off, I want my sister to know that she's in my thoughts. So please send your positive energy and thoughts our way...

My oldest brother always calls me BougieGhetto, not simply bougie, I guess because I still live in the hood and love the hood but think I'm better than the hood... I dunno. Anyway, I had this uncomfortable experience yesterday. I bumped into one of my friends from high school in one of the eateries by the job. Now I'm a proud Librarian and though that's not a poppin' field, it's really nerdy, techie and for the most part colorless (if you know what I mean). Me and my supervisor try to splash some diversity but it is just a prude area. However we are a wine and cheese kinda folk, snooty and quirky. What a combination.

So I see my old schoolmate and we're all "You look the same, your face hasn't changed, so where are you working?" when I suddenly don't feel so BougieGhetto at all but just Ghetto, no, Guttah! LOL
She gave me her Blackberry to put my information and I'm fumbling because I don't know how to use no Blackberry! She introduces me to her boyfriend who is colorless... and tells me how she's an attorney at some law firm up the block from me. I felt blue collar... But then my co-worker CB reminded me that I know what artichokes are and I eat them. LOL
There was a time when I used to be beige at work and dark brown when I exited the premises but as I've stayed pass a decade at my institution and reached my status here, I realized that I can't lose myself nor do I want to. So slowly but surely the dark brown crept out and all day I'm me, bougie but yes I'm ghetto and I love it!


Monique said...

I think its great your at least trying to reach out to sister. And I love that your niece's middle name is Monique like my middle name. Ahh, something you didn't know about me. ;)

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

Congrats to you, your brother, and family on the new baby.

I know what you are going through when it comes to trying to put in order the affairs of someone after they die.

I had to do it thankfully my sister helped. But, planning a funeral, and closing bank accounts, tranfering titles. Is a lot good thing there is only my brother, sister and me so there was no squabble over who got what.

And he was a pack rat. Wall to wall and every inch. The first day we tried looking through to see what we wanted and by the next day we could care less what was in there. By the end of the week we were pulling hair. It took about three weeks to get all that mess out of there.

17 years is a long time not to speak. I hope that you and her and your family can resolve whatever is holding you all apart or at least move beyond it.
I really hope that you all work it out.

clnmike said...

Congrats about your niece!!!

When is your turn?

Kiayaphd said...

I understand your need to reach out to your sister. I have an older sister from my father's first marriage. I was told that her mother was bitter about the breakup and discouraged any further contact with my dad. They tried to locate her, I remember when I was in grade school, she would've been in high school then, but she never responded. I think about her from time to time now and wonder.

MsKnowitAll said...

Monique... Here I am thinking you revealed your 1st name. Well you know what my middle name is and that's more than most know. LOL

Sharon... That's how I felt this weekend, like trashing it all, salvaging nothing. As for my sis, I'm gonna try. I know she's distant and she has her reasons but 17 yrs is too too long.

Mike... You know that's what everyone is asking, right? LOL My turn is coming. I will definitely let the blog world know.

Kiaya... That's similar to us, in a way. And your sis may be wondering about you as well. I know it's probably way past the moment for us to be tight sisters but I think we can at least be friendly toward each other.

Love Strokes said...

I can so relate on the brother and sister thing. I have two sisters but one I am close with one i just tolerate but love in the same. A brotther who well... is just that a brother.

On the librarian tip... i can relate to that oh so well because I am in the same field. And poppin ha it ain't but stress-free a given. I am the only little splash of color at my job and at times I am perceived as beige at work but dark brown when i exit too! Wow...

TRUTHZ said...

it's strange how you can be closer to strangers than your own flesh and blood. i haven't talked to my siblings in some sister had a baby a year ago and i still don't know what the chile looks like.

i agree about the cousin died in july and left 5 babies behind. and the day i went to see her i did her will just to get something down on paper before she went and saw an attorney. she went comatose the next day... and it's funny that when even when youdon't have much people still want to lay a claim to it..i want that shirt...i want them shoes... i want the kids toys for my kids..but then if we give you the kids toys, what the kids gonna play with..

simplicity is how i am trying to live my life trying to get rid of everything people may want when i die.

MsKnowitAll said...

Love Strokes... A fellow library worker! Thank you. This library draws the brown straight from my pores!

TruthZ... So true. My girlfriend DC is closer than any sister. Glad to have an amen on the will. Me too about simplicity. I pray to never have to endure another 3 week clean-up - IN MY LIFE!