Sunday, June 8, 2008

Where Does The Love Go?


I was watching an old episode of Sex and The City (I haven't seen the movie yet though) but it was an episode where Miranda had broken up with Steve and by happenstance, Miranda sees Steve again and the love she had... they had, suddenly returns.

Carrie posed the question:
"If you love someone and you break up, where does the love go?"

I have had ONE ex that I love enough to be friends with. After we broke up and years after his first divorce we discussed (over the phone, not in person) getting back together. Fortunately I learned, grew and I knew that I wouldn't be the type of woman or wife he desired and vice versa. I loved him but not enough to go through with him again.

The same is not true of my nephew's mother. I love Ann like a sister but as "play" sisters we have had real sister issues so our love is a little estranged. However I admire her for taking care of and raising my nephew into a respectable young man. And I further admire her for the well of love she has for my brother.

My brother has been married to his high school sweetheart for the past 5 years. The found each other and wed 20 years after high school. 6 months into their marriage, he was ready to leave. He's filing for divorce as I type. Ann is divorced from her husband and her other son's father.

I love a great love story and it seems like one is brewing between these two again. I marvel at how Ann is so forgiving, so loving and it's as if there was never any wrong between them. She appears to have no bags, no scars, no unresolved issues. It could be the time apart or it could be the purest kind of love. I must know the formula she's using.... but then again, I'm not trying to link up with none of my exes. Bygones are bygones. They are exes for a multitude of reasons and not one of them are worthy.

I digress.

All in all, it's been about 10 years since my brother and Ann have attempted to work on a relationship. I don't know all of the details about their relationship but when they were first together, I know they were both very young. They have their differences and through time they felt as if they couldn't work through them. I'm sure they really wanted to be together when my nephew came along, nevertheless they have always been on one accord when it came to rearing him. I spoke to her the other night and she says, "K, I'm not going to let go this time. This time I'm not going to stop until I get my man back".

I have so much to say about Ann but I will say that she is one determined woman. She is very strong, very wise and she loves very hard. She has always been my brother's biggest cheerleader even arguing with me or my mother when we've had issues with him.

There's still the question of where does the love go? I'm not sure yet. I didn't ask her where did it go through the years. But if I had to assume, I would say that she poured that love into loving and caring for her sons. She sat with and nurtured that love as she devotes herself to God and developing a relationship with Him. She's been harvesting and cultivating that love because she knew that the man of her dreams is on his way into her life and she simply wants to be ready, willing and giving to him whenever he arrives...

8 comments:

Ticia said...

I don't know where love goes - but I know it sits there.. and eventually dies.....

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

I have no idea where loves go because, I have yet to discover it.

Or at least the way love is suppose to be.

MsKnowitAll said...

Ticia... I guess for some love does die. At least that's the truth for me because I have no long lost love that I want to relive.

Sharon... Wow... that's deep that you say that you haven't discovered love - as it's supposed to be... Personally I can't say that I've been loved as intensely as I have loved...

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

Love Sex and the City BTW, but I digress back to the topic...

I would agree that I have given love more than I have taken love, mainly because I did not realize I deserved to be loved.

I have only had one love that I would consider making a go of it again. But, I agree that it is only after a number of years. Love does not die, I think it is reborn into a different feeling (or maybe projected onto a new person?). The love I had for my ex-husband is not dead, it is reborn into a friendship type of love that replaced the romantic love I had for him.

MsKnowitAll said...

Kay C... I too have given more love because I didn't realize I deserved to be loved. I felt like my love was enough even if his love wasn't on my level.

And about your love transformed... I agree... I don't think love dies but is reborn or transferred.

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

During my marriage I loved my ex (still do) I was not in love with him. Big difference. I love him as a person.
During these single years I think I have fallen in love with the idea of fallen in love.I have dated guys I have wanted to love (strange to say) but, thier actions or my heart has keep me from finding finding that knocks me off my feet. Or makes my heart explode with the thought of him.
I want it all at once him to love me deeply and me to love him crazily (is that a word?)

MsKnowitAll said...

Sharon... LOL of course crazily is a word! And I can completely understand your feelings, the reciprocal love, the 50/50 or 100/100 love.
As for me... if there is any area of my life that I can be in control, I want that control and I think that prevents me from having the "knocks me off my feet" love.

K said...

I was wondering about this today. I too remembered this Sex and the City quote and my interpretation is that love was a mixture of early excitement, the need to love and to be loved, lust, physical attraction and an idea of what the other person is. Then time goes by and you get to know the person and you realize that who you though he/she was is just an illusion, a misinterpreted idea. You fell in love with an imaginary, ideal person who doesn't match up with his/her realistic self.
People also change overtime and grow apart. Finding true, forever lasting love is almost impossible. It might only exist in fairy tales.