I reminiscence on the nineties when all of my friends were off getting married, getting pregnant and/or then getting married. We were young, early twenties, however me, D.C. and a few other friends steered clear of the trend... along with the fact that we didn't receive marriage proposals...
Well I had a sorta kinda marriage proposal. My ex's mother told me how the Lord showed her in dream that me and her son were married and so we should just go ahead on. I explained to her and her son that the Lord didn't reveal it to me. My answer was NO. It's not that I didn't love my ex but goodness, I wanted him to propose to me because he wanted to spend his life with me, not his Mama's false prophesying. We broke up months later and he married another woman 15 months after that.
I mentioned above that we steered clear of the trend and I say that because some of our friends married because they loved their significant others and wholeheartedly devoted themselves rather than following the pack. However a lot of them followed the pack, getting married because it was "the thing" to do and those marriages fell apart, including my ex's.
Marriage, while it is a societal norm - beneficial to society at large... a rite of passage if you will, It is not a decision that you jump into just because...
- Your Mama told you to
- All of your friends are doing it
- You slipped up and now you're pregnant
- You want the other person to change or stop nagging
- You need somebody to help you pay off your bills
- You're lonely
- To justify your love
I see and respect marriage as an institution and the support it offers the community, especially Black marriages that endure centuries, marriages that may reach the edge yet they don't fall off because of straightforward devotion.
On the other hand... I don't know if marriage is for me... mostly because I have not met one man I would like to spend the rest of my life with. Now if you're a reader, then you know I'm in a committed relationship. So you may ask, K, how is that possible? Short answer... because we have problems that are not resolved and I do not know if I can accept them... ever.
And with that, I am beginning to post my Love List again. I first read this article in O Magazine back in February of this year and I started it initially, probably back in March (I haven't checked my archives) but I dropped it. I'm starting it again to document my true love desires. I vow to get to 100 this time. Here goes...
K's Love List
The Man I Desire Has Got To:
- Love, honor and have a relationship with God
- Love, respect and support the women in his life
- Have a stable career
- Manage his money responsibly
- Love music
- Be committed to uplifting the community
- Be secure with himself... his success, his failures, his shortcomings
- Want children or take care of the children he already has
- Be mentally stable with a normal dose of psychosis (hey, we're all crazy at some point in our lives!)
- Honest, open and expressive communicator
If you wanna check out a love list supreme, check out Lovebabz's Love List
If you wanna know just How "Magic" Lists Work