Thursday, April 16, 2009

Be Ready

You got to /Earn my affection / Put your back into it /before we get this show on the road
Don’t make me / Lose all my self respect / I ain’t desperate yet so /
Come on now stop actin’ out and act like you know
-Amel Larrieux

At the reunion, on Saturday, we danced. I asked if he was married with children. His response was that he’s single with no children. This piqued my interest...

A bachelor
No children
34 years-old

He asked me if I wanted to go out with him Sunday. Resurrection Sunday is not an average day for me. I was apprehensive and told him so. "We’ll play it by ear, I’ll text you after church”, I said. He asked me where I wanted to go, where I wanted to meet…
Hold up – who asked who if they wanted to go out?!?!

Where is the small talk... What do you like to do? What's your favorite cuisine? Where's the effort?

When I ask a man to go out with me, I know the restaurant and the activities I want to get into. It must be because I am a foodie that I know restaurants galore and their specialties. I don’t eat meat, but I do eat seafood, so that’s my preference. However I also love Indian, Chinese and Vegan. Give me a region in NY and I have a favorite restaurant within it. I love to eat out. But I also have my favorite things to do. I love going to the Village Underground on Sundays for their open mic night. And do you know who they feature...? Cheryl Pepsii Riley! I may be dating myself but she sang "Thanks For My Child" back in the 80s. And she still has IT. I love her! I also enjoy Cafe Wha? It may be a little small and tight but I still love the mess out of it.

So my response to where I wanted to go, where I wanted to meet… “We’ll talk about it tomorrow”. By now I already knew that the text I sent on Sunday was going to say, “Can we reschedule?”. Part of the reason is I knew that I would be getting home in the early morning hours and I’m not young and spry anymore - I knew I’d need Sunday afternoon to recover. The 2nd reason was I wasn’t sure that the date would be worth it.

Since being single and not looking is my focus this year, I am wisely choosing how and with whom I spend my time. I thought it was nice of him to ask me to dinner but I actually move at a slower pace. I would have preferred a phone call or two before setting up a date. Let’s play a little catch up on the phone first. After all, it’s been 16 years since we graduated from high school. I think we’ll have a lot to talk about…

I haven’t heard from him since I asked for a rain check on the date.

And I am not surprised.

At first I thought that he wasn’t really real to begin with. Then I felt that maybe he was put off by me not answering his questions. Then I felt that maybe he was intimidated. I am a 33 year old woman with no children. While his status may say to me, “He’s a good catch”, my status may say to him, “Why the hell isn’t this woman married?”, “Is she crazy?”, “Gay?”, “How is it that she doesn’t have any children?”… By the way, I’m actually thinking the latter questions about him…

So I go back to… “We’ll play this by ear…

I wrote all of that to say… There is an art to asking a woman out, and the art to asking me out is being ready. I hope I'm not being too hard with resentment and bad judgment clouding my thoughts and actions. I have standards where in my past I didn't have or I didn't uphold. Now I do have and I plan to uphold each and every one.

Maybe he’s taking his time to get ready, complete with a date, time and location or maybe to him, I’m not worth the attempt. Maybe he wasn’t really real…Whatever may be going on, I say to him and er’ry man who steps to me as Jill Scott sang in her song "Be Ready" "When(when) You(you) Come (come) To(to) Me(me,me,me,me), Be ready, Be ready, Be ready, Be ready" because you’ve got to "earn my affection, put your back into it... come correctly, come strong and don’t drag your good foot behind..."


The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

I actually had the reaction what he has no children?
If a guy tells me, no kids,single, never married, blah, blah . . .a flag goes up like what's up with him.
When a woman says that. . I tend to think they couldn't find a good man or they are career focused.

Actually, my partner, though younger than me (6 years) was single, no kids and all that jazz. And I thought what is wrong with him.

Anyway, I am late to the party about you deciding to go single for a year. Oh wait. . .not looking. it will probably come.

I need to try going veggie. I am not a seafood lover.

I have ramble enough. . hope something makes some sense.

MsKnowitAll said...

Queen... Thank you. I knew I wasn't wrong for my raised eyebrow about his having kids and for being single.

I thought about dating younger... the jury is out on that one.

Even in your ramble, you make sense. :-D

Insatiable One said...

You are not asking too much and wanting to much. You are abiding by your standards and not compromising. And perhaps he realized that he doesn't quite have the art of asking a woman out down yet and went back to get himself together. I personally think you did the right thing.

MsKnowitAll said...

Monique... I thank you. I don't see it as much either. I think that the game is dumbed down and little effort is put forth to show interest... and not just for men...

However, I'm so not looking and not sweating this. We'll see what... if something more happens.

Kiayaphd said...

Sometimes I think that women make it too easy for men and they have lost the pursuit instinct, or some of them have.

I have come to learn that, if a man is truly interested, or perhaps I should say, a man that would hold MY interest, nothing will stop his pursuit. You are so right to set your standard and hold to it.

MsKnowitAll said...

Kiaya... You ain't never lied. Women do make it easy for men. We overlook so much and forgive even more. Thank you...