he made the drive to new york. after months of let-downs and angry words, he appears at my door saturday afternoon with flowers, eyes filled with sincerity and a cd to play sade. i am quick to anger and slow to forgive. i am hardened by the months that we've been apart.
we talked face-to-face. it bothered me to end our relationship over text messages, email and telephone but i did it anyway. however after seeing him and being in his presence, i forgave him. slowly the anger melted from me. slowly love wrapped its way around my words and my facial expressions. slowly, i forgave him, he forgave, we communicated straight from our hearts.
our loveship is different. it's special. we have known each other since we were teens. we lost touch for a while but when we reconnected, we fell into a familiar rhythm, it felt so right, it felt complete. i love him, i have always loved him and he loves me.
this wasn't a kiss and make-up session - it was truth-telling, harsh but honest. at the end of our conversation we discovered that all we really want is to be happy. for months everything seemed so complicated, clouded and perplexed, yet in an instant, everything became clear again, light and revived... that's what truth-telling will do.
i'm not his lady, he's not my dude, we don't count the days, months or years, we just are...we are friends, we are mates, i don't own him and he doesn't own me... this could end next week or it could last a lifetime.
i love him with an open heart... i don't want to control him and he doesn't want to control me... as he was leaving i told him "let's not pretend"... our attraction and affection has always been effortless... if we cannot be genuine with each other, then we should allow nature to have its way... simple... i did find that when i allowed love to govern, when i surrendered my ego and allowed love to quietly reign, he reflected that love right back to me...
we're not over... but we didn't peddle backwards... we put our issues to bed... we moved forward...
*artwork: sweet magnola by jared small