Monday, December 10, 2007

The Other Woman... Part Deux

Once again.... I do not support adultery or cheating of any sort. If I could rewind time, I know I would not repeat any of my mistakes or choices because there is a consequence for every action chosen. The consequence does not always have to be as drastic as contracting HIV or unplanned pregnancy.... sometimes it's your reputation; in cases of marriage, it can lead to divorce; in families, adultery has negative effect on your spouses and yes children too; and the destructive list can go on and on.
The 2nd time I made the choice to become someone else's other woman, it hurt the most. With AJ, his wife was hurt, but for the most part, me and him just ended things and my life returned to normal. We were friends foremost. Even now, we are better friends than anything else.
A couple of years back I met Leader at a club. He was super nice, fine as heck, and had a great personality. We connected immediately and a few days after meeting we were sharing each other's space. I wanted something serious, he wanted sex. I figured even if I gave in, eventually he'll fall into like, perhaps love. Needless to say I was wrong, 2 months later and our involvement didn't change. I was after monogamy and I had my suspicions that he was seeing other women so I ended things.
Fast forward to about 2 years and I come home one day to find Leader's number on my caller ID. I was surprised because when I'm through with someone, I delete all contact information but he still had my info and he even left a message... He was thinking of me and wanted to see me. (Feel free to toot up your lips and call me stoooooo-pid because I called the man.)
This time I knew the deal and I figured I was better prepared, preoccupied even because this time I was already in a relationship. My relationship was steady, stable, happy at times and for the most part pleasing but things were missing. Communication was missing, a lack of emotional attachment, some disinterest. And here comes Leader who knows my quirks, laughs at my jokes, he knows a lot about me and on the outside we have the makings of a very perfect couple but almost a year prior to calling me he actually got married...
But our connection was there, everything seemed so right, everything was electric... First we talked on the phone... that lead to drinks after work, dinner, movies, museums, meeting for breakfast, going out for dessert, surprise floral bouquets and very steamy, extreme, intense desire that neither one of us wanted to ignore and we didn't.
Where was his wife in all of this and where was my partner....? I can only speak for me and I didn't pay any attention to my partner at all. I was floating on a cloud and as much as I loved my partner, I was falling in love with Leader. Everything he did was so right and my man was doing all of the wrong things or nothing. Me and Leader talked and texted so much and when we didn't, all I did was day dream about him. It was the weirdest and most wonderful thing all at the same time, love fog.
We were careful but my partner felt that something was amiss and so arguments ensued. He accused me of cheating yet I always erased the evidence. It didn't matter because I was in la-la land anyway thinking about my "perfect man" and no matter where we were, my mind was always a million miles away on Leader.
Slowly Leader started pulling away from us and started paying more attention to his home and family. He began talking about his wife more and her complaints of him. Our dates were cancelled and the phone calls and texts just about stopped but we still kept in touch and we kept up with our intimate dates but even that began to vanish.
It's terrible when you are already in a relationship and you are suffering from heartache. I couldn't tell my partner because I knew it would have broken his heart. I wanted to because I felt that doing so would free up the guilty feelings that I only felt when the outside relationship was ending. In the beginning it all felt so wonderfully glamorous. The tell-tale signs were there; I started dressing sexier, I was no longer intimate with my partner, emotionally I was detached. In the end, I felt bitter. I was angry with Leader for choosing his wife, his marriage and his new family over what we had. He came back to me and it meant the world to me. What we had was meant to be and it was worthy, it didn't matter that it was adultery. I was such a fool. Here I was romanticizing over a superficial relationship and it's ending that my partner's needs went unnoticed and unmet. I don't have to tell you that eventually that relationship ended as well. Not only was I broken hearted but now I was completely lonely.
Ultimately my heart mended and luckily nothing more serious came about but Karma does not have a time or hour or an expiration date...

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