Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The Romanticism of the Affair: This Woman's View

Every woman I know dreams of running off into the sunset with the picture perfect Morris Chestnut, abandoning all sense of reality and responsibility and living happily with every single one of our needs met. Who wants to deal with the everyday things such as work and worries, obligations, children, washing, cooking, cleaning and providing for someone else? And don’t let that person or persons be unappreciative because then we start to resent everything, all of the time. We all want to be selfish and free at some moment and sometimes “me time” just won’t do. Along comes that suave and easy going person, the one who says all of the right things and treats you to something sweet every once and again. Here they come and they have no baggage, they ain’t mad at you at all, all they want to see is your smile and sit for some light conversation. They are so cool and oh so nice and ooh you just seem to notice their nice white teeth and their big ole booty and their big, strong arms and they’re not the teeth of the man you see at home and their booty is way better looking than the one you see everyday and the way they make you feel is so great and such an amazing distraction from the monotony of the home front. Who will deny themselves? Why cheat in the first place?

Know that...
  • If there are problems in your relationship or marriage, make it your focus, foremost, to find out where the problems are stemming from instead of allowing yourself to be distracted by the new and sexy other.
  • No one is responsible for you cheating except for you, no matter how boring they are, no matter how much weight they gain or lose, no matter how badly you just realized the cooking is, no matter what. Cheating is a selfish act and your partner is not the source. You have to dig deep within yourself to find out why you want to stray.
  • Statistics show that the result of the affair will not lead to happily ever after bliss. Of course I do not have statistics but hey, look on the net and you'll see it for yourself. Affairs are most often diversions from the tedium of home life.
  • The grass is not greener because there will still be dirty drawers and socks, nagging and complaining - that is if the affair turns into something serious. Whatever it was that you needed distractions from will eventually surface once the fun and new wears off.
  • The feelings and emotions of being in love are like a drug. If you don't interject some common sense or reality to them, they can become just as dangerous. - Lovingyou.com

Also, know that...
  • You are not his girlfriend just because you two sleep together and y'all talk about everything and he treats you nice. And you probably will not be his future wife because he is probably not considering divorce. Men usually cheat because they want variety, more sex or something different that wifey won't do.
  • Affairs are not the answer or the remedy for the deficiencies of emotion, affection, or anything else lacking in your relationship or marriage. Yeah, women cheat for emotional support, seeking more romance, affection, or because they are lonely. Most women will find that the cheating partner will provide all of that and some very memorable moments in the beginning but trust me, it eventually wears off.
  • Men love to chase and once he's satisfied his curiosity, it's usually time to return home until the next bout of boredom and then the chase begins again.

If you think relationships are hard, marriages are even harder. Everything you do once you say "I do" affects your marriage - your children's stability, insurance policies, cars, bank accounts, pension and on and on and on. There's a lot to undo if you think that running off and escaping from all of the evil and wrong doings of home is the answer. Save all that for day dreaming. In the meanwhile if there is anything going on in your marriage that can be rectified, exhaust all means to do so. It will be worth in the end, even if the marriage dissolves. At least you'll know that you did everything you could to make your relationship or marriage better.


Ebonne said...

Thanks for the advice... I am not marry but this will be helpful when that day does come. Its so weird because this day in age marriage is something that is far more temporary than it is forever and thats sad.

MsLiryc said...

Some worthy words to live by. what a lot of people fail to realize is just because there is a bump or a few bumps in the road of a relationship doesn't mean that you need to automatically run into the arms of another. There are ways to work things out, but many would rather avoid the problem. Many people do not exhaust all of their options before they decide to leave a marriage. I say before calling it quits look at what you've done to fix it. If nothing has been done then try something, anything. But, if you've done your best and you've exhausted all your options at making it work then move on!

Great blog