Like Fine Wine....

Those two 67 year-old men can out-sing, out-dance most of the performers on the B.E.T. awards! I wish I could post the O'Jays performance here ... but Viacom had it removed from YouTube...

The FCC is going to get you B.E.T.! I have yet to really comment about the B.E.T. Awards because I am actually unimpressed. While I found Jamie Foxx to be vulgar (and I appreciate vulgar), there were children in the audience... of course they were children of rappers who sing songs like "Every Girl"... but children none the less.

What was that with Ving Rhames, Tyrese and Taraji? No really, what was that? While I love Baby Boy, the ultimate mama's boy, coming of age movie... B.E.T... really? You couldn't curtail that? Especially knowing that it was not scripted? Ving, Taraji, you are not improv actors and Tyrese you're excused...

Because when Tyrese, Johnny and Trey as well as Tevin Campbell took the stage, y'all made mama happeeeeeeeeeee!

Ne-yo moved me! I'm not a true fan of his, though I own his first album and right now I have no idea where it is. Ask me where is my Anita or my Erykah... But he offered his best in his performances and it was clearly visible... his craftsmanship, his committment to the art.

What ever happened to opening the show with a choreographed performances ala Paula Abdul? Or the all-star performances at the end of the awards ceremonies? I miss that... very much.

While Jay-Z is not my favorite rapper or performer, I really liked D.O.A.

T-Pain with his Big Ass Chain... 10lbs, 197 karats, $410,000... what a freaking waste!

And Maxwell... mmm mmm mmmmmm

"It's the God in Me" Mary Mary featuring Queen La, great!

Remembering...

Michael Jackson was my first boyfriend. I just knew he would materialize in my life and accompany my school, CES 236, 1st grade.

And being too young to remember Charlie's Angels, I vividly remember sobbing while watching Farrah Fawcett in the TV movie The Burning Bed. And circa 1988, I wore a mean Farrah Fawcett... bang...

While many are thrilling off of the Thriller album, the Off The Wall album is my all-time favorite. I was 4 when the album was released but that didn't stop me from singing... "Do do do do do do do do do do.... You'll only be a girlfriend of mine..." While hoping, wishing, praying that Michael was really singing about and to me.

My love and loyalty to Michael wavered with his appearance and actions, one thing has always been true... The man is a talent par excellence, never to be replaced nor duplicated. I still supported and bought every one of his albums. May his influence be cherished always.

The Death Angel has been making quite a few visits lately... having just attended a funeral at my Church on Wednesday evening... I am not fond of funerals but I am moved by the tributes and accolades one receives as the life of that person is reflected upon.

So as I watched television last night, amazed how MJs death seemingly overshadowed Farrah Fawcett's, not paying attention to the labels and rumors surrounding these two valiant figures... I am encouraged by the meaningful lives they led, how they touched and inspired millions, how they were talented far beyond what the media could even begin to portray - they have left their mark in the lives in millions. And they did this simply from living out their dreams, fulfilling their destinies.

Post Father's Day Reflections... Daddy's Girl

... My father has always been in my life. He did right by marrying his baby mama (my mother), he provided for all of his children, and overall he's a good man. He was the one who taught me how to ride a bike without the training wheels, hook up a computer, fix a leaky faucet, scrape plaster, apply new plaster and paint, install light fixtures and how to get my jewelry out of the drain when they fell in. And most recently my eyes and my heart have been opened to remind me of another side of my father... the door opening, bag carrying, woman appreciating gentleman he is.

This past Saturday, I spent the rainy evening watching Lifetime TV and chatting with him...

... When I think of God, my father, I get just as choked up as I do when I mention my biological. For when I sit and think about unconditional love, my needs being met... body, mind & soul, how He convicts me (my ego), encourages me, and blesses me until my cup runs over... my eyes get misty, my heart is full. He has blessed my life with incredible people... My parents, my siblings, my friends, my church fam and on down to my co-workers... My eyes can clearly see the "God" in them.

This past Sunday, I spent in worship with Him...

Both of my fathers have provided and nurtured me. Both have comforted and supported me. My relationship with The Father strengthens and rejuvenates the relationship I have with my Father and I am eternally grateful for them both... for I am a die-hard, true blue, Daddy's Girl.

I Fall Short

As a result of my recent bout with "evil mood"... I have been placed in a position of rendering apologies.

I am not a good apologizer... (however I have a strong talent for making up words)

Part of the problem with my failure for apologizing is that I do not feel that I am wrong for what I said or did. Long story short... I lack of humility. And because I am not humble, my apologies are devoid of grace and sincerity.

For about 2 weeks, my patience has been short. I demonstrated, to all, my intolerance for silliness and pettiness. I shut my phone off... or better yet, I pressed IGNORE for just about anyone who called me other than Mommy & Daddy. I have been called sour, mean, and ugly, and frankly, it doesn't bother me.

I am not proud of my imperfection because along with my haughtiness, I do not possess the guilt and shame mechanism. And I use the word haughty because there is an obvious haughtiness when I feel that I am above the act of apology.

Two people vocalized how much they were hurt while I wallowed in my mood. One of which is a friend who is not accustomed to my ways... he forgave me after he realized I was not about to apologize to him. The other person is my ex who is all too familiar with my bouts. He was the one who called me mean. However I did apologize to him and his response was "You don't really mean it"...

No I really did not mean it and if my apology is void of true emotion, I should not say it. In my mood, I was simply expressing myself, keeping to myself and throwing an elaborate pity party. But I know that I hurt at least 2 people that I care about...

After time and thought, I have apologized to my ex and my friend. Because my mood is shifting my apology held a little more weight and substance. However I know that by not at least committing the act of apology something would brew between us that might be irreparable and that is what I do not want.

I want to keep those I cherish close to me and if apologizing is my method for doing that, then that is what I must do.
And as for my lack of guilt and shame... I am trying to understand their pain, their anger and their mistrust of me. It's a jagged little pill but it's a must if I want self improvement...

C.H.A.N.G.E

I done did it again...

Change

I changed the settings on this blog site... a reflection of the changes taking place within me.
I've done the same with my home... new curtains, fabrics in my bedroom, new scents burning in the burner, new bathroom products...
I've done my big chop... took the scissors to my head and did it myself... got rid of the braids... the permed hair... the damaged tresses that my long hair covered up... got rid of the cover up... no more transitioning... no dyes... no texturizing products... just naturally me...
I've done in with my mental... shedding the thoughts, the patterns that weigh me down...

Change

Sometimes others are uncomfortable with my changes... as if my shifting means that I'm canceling people...

And I do...

But only the fruitless, the trivial... the things and people that don't nurture me back...
With the seasons and the weather patterns, with the shifting winds and even the rain fall... I'm thankful for the rain and the cleansing it brings... this spring season brings about another cycle to purge

Change

I'm looking forward to these summer months... this vacation time... the breaking out of the old and into the new... the breaking out of the cold and into the warmth... the beach weather... the seasonal fruits... the hot romantic nights... new music playing... new movies to see... new tastes to sample...

Change

For the 1st time in years I am taking a vacation... going away with friends... being carefree yet responsible... going somewhere I've never been... around other people I do not know... and open to the possibilities and positivity...

Change

For years... it's been work... home... church... and my family... Recently I've added a social life... interacting with and growing from listening and engaging with others... with like minds. I feel the tension from being stagnant and closed in... I feel where I am being stretched and enlightened...

Change

And it's been years since I've reached a goal... it's time that I embark on a new challenge... go through new struggles... learn something new... go through new tests... and attain a new goal... I'm open... I'm ready.

Message From The Universe

I should think one would look fondly back over their shoulder at all the times in their life when they were overcharged, tricked, or taken advantage of, because for every single one of these transgressions, they'll be paid back like a Rock Star on an international stadium tour, hanging out with the coolest cats, flying on private jets, eating Ho Hos, and being waited on hand and foot by their former transgressors. If that's their thing, you know.

And that's in addition to all of the other incredibly wonderful things that will be happening to them forever and ever, as they do for all people.

See you in the 'VIP,'

The Universe

www.tut.com

The Evil In Me

This is a random...

I can't really call it evil or evilness. It's more like impatience, snappiness... essentially... burn out. I need time off from work, time off from church and this is not the right time...

So... I press. I woosah. And unfortunately I've also been showing my evil side.

Just because I'm sportin' a little 'fro does not mean that I look like Jill Scott. Jilly is absolutely beautiful but no I do not see the resemblance. Someone has dubbed me the library Angie Stone. HUH?!?! Now when I had longer hair, I was told I looked like Star Jones (plump Star, before the weight loss). Nah peeps, I look like me and I've yet to see a celebrity that I resemble.

Apologies for the evil leakage...

And no I'm not locking my hair! I'm going to let my afro grow and surround my head like a halo! I want it to be big, thick and unruly. I want to look like a throw back from the 70s. I want to look like I have a 12 inch vinyl record in the back of my head. And if someone touches my hair one more time to cop a feel because it looks hard... Guess what?! It is! I have coarse hair and it's splendid. No I'm not breaking down and perming it. You can't believe I cut my hair off? What made me do it? I did it because I wanted to. Get over it. It's only hair!!!!

Okay... I apologize again...

The evil in me does not like Femi Kuti, Nina Simone and Joshua Redman... Joshua Redman's Jazz Crimes is playing as I type... I usually listen to silence as type...

Oh and the evil in me does not like Sade... "You give me, you're giving me the sweetest taboo"...

And the evil in me loves it when I don't go to bed until the wee hours of the morning... so I wake up evil and the cycle repeats...

Good people, I'm off to Lala Land as Sade's By Your Side plays...