Friday, October 16, 2009

Being...

Around my birthday I went through the experience of losing my wallet that included my debit card, a couple of credit cards and my ID. I felt unbelievably vulnerable. I called my bank to check my bank balance only to find out that somebody went on a spending spree with my money. They were gracious enough to leave me with $5.22...

I was nervous about switching money around so that I can pay bills and keep myself afloat but I was reassured that my card was inactive and my account was safe.

However now I find myself broke... or as I told my friend last night BROKEN... I tell my peeps that I'm not broke unless I have less than $20 in my account. If I can still go to the ATM, I'm not broke and I know how make $5 go a long way. Well now I am BROKEN. That means less than my normal standard of less... but even as I use the word I know that I am all right...

I paid my bills. My rent is covered. I have food in my freezer and my cupboards. If worst comes to worst, I have good friends & family who I know will carry me... but I don't have to worry about that. In fact with me having just enough, I am satisfied. I feel free.

No I don't have the luxury of going out to eat... but I can throw down in my own kitchen... nor am I able to treat myself to the movies... but I have unwatched DVDs and Movies on Demand at home... I am unable to spend money unnecessarily... but when I had more than enough I can't say that I was overjoyed and overwhelmed with happiness. What I have been doing is being more creative, conserving and being aware. I have a closet full of clothes & shoes and I need for very little...

It's funny how life comes full circle... Sometimes it's a blissful breeze or it smacks you hard... I remember saying not long ago how I have been watching a lot of TV, not reading for fun and feeling out of sorts, unconnected... even to myself... Well now that I am going through this moment, I have been reading more, shutting my TV off, posting here ~*smile*~

I am compelled to get back to the basics of being... I could be pissed, mad at the world and complaining constantly about everything. However, when I weigh my circumstances I see that my blessings outweigh my disasters. So I am humbly, happily, truly being me.



8 comments:

Ms. Insatiable said...

That sucks that that had to happen to you, especially around your birthday but like you said, you are blessed to be able to get through it.

MsKnowitAll said...

Insatiable... I had one of those insane moments... laughing and crying at the same time. Not the normal laugh though. The sadistic kind. But I'm good. Keeping my head above water, making a wave when I can... Thank you!!!

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

I am so sorry to read about what happened. I am glad that you are able to see the blessings during a trying time.

And thankfully you have family and friends who won't let you hit bottom.

Hugs to you.

MsKnowitAll said...

Thank you Queen... I am not a wallower and I try not to complain... a lot... but I am blessed. So very blessed.

Don said...

makes me think about something i heard another blogger say: it's okay to simply BE. and ur post reinforces that notion. good read, and i like the layout of ur blog.

i'd be disgusted to have someone go on a spending spree w/ my little cheese. lol.

MsKnowitAll said...

Oh Don... I had an insane moment before clarity came... That laughing hysterically while cryingness...

But yes, sometimes you have to resign and just be. Thanks!

Ms. Liryc said...

As the old folks say "Everything happens for a reason" I am sorry that you lost your wallet but this little disaster has helped you get back in touch with some of the things that you loved doing.

Take the time out to sit and smell the roses, and DVR what you watch on the regular just to be in touch and in the loop with everything..

btw, it was soo good to see you today! I have missed you so much Big Sis!!

MsKnowitAll said...

Awww Liryc... I miss you too! The job isn't the same since you left us.

I have been enjoying the pleasant moments I have to just be. I finally saw Slumdog Millionaire and a bunch of other movies & I finished 2 books. When you can, we have to catch up on good reads.