i need

by now... if you've been visiting me long enough then you know that i'm an erykah badu fan and "fan" is an understatement.  if the myth about her is anything next to true, she's entranced me from day one.
it's been a good long while since i've chosen a song as my theme song... a song that when i hear it, my head drops, my eyes close and my lips spread in a smile...my recent choice... "window seat"... while the video has caught major buzz lately, it's the lyrics that delight me.

it's that part... the bridge, when the music changes to the 3 beats and then a clap... the part where she's singing about needing... i personalized it... i'm sure we all do it and that's what makes a song, a poem, a piece of literary work so distinctive for us.

the song speaks of something that's hard for me to admit to... the fact that i need.  i have no problem saying what it is i want and especially what i do not want... but need?  needing seems to imply that there's something or someone that i am lacking and i know that i've got all of my needs met... food, check... clothing, check... a job, check... shelter, check... stable family relationships, check...

one night i got an email from one of my suitors where he asked me "what do you need?".  he wanted to give me something special but i appear to have it all so he asked me "what do you need?".  i have given to him... he loves jazz and i love maysa and lalah and i wanted him to have something special from me.  so i bought us tickets to see lalah and bought him the latest maysa cd.  my truth is... i'm not a good receiver... receiving doesn't settle well in my spirit.  i feel the need to overcompensate to the giver instead of receiving and relishing in my gift given... so it's a little difficult and vulnerable for me to ask for what it is i need. and just like life... as i clicked reply to answer his email, "window seat" pops on the radio...

i need you to want me... that's a friend of mine who asked me what do i need.  he's the king of the poker face... while his texts and phone calls let me know he wants me, i'm still not fully convinced, or his grown man game is different from what i'm used to...
i need you to miss me... that's my long distance love (yep that's 2 men, i'm grown and i'm single!)... and though i've seen him recently and we speak all the time, long distance is what it is...
i need your attention... that's for my babies at church... you know young people are know-it-alls and just for a minute, i would like their full attention and they can avoid some of the mistakes they make...
i need you next to me... my bed is empty... there's nothing like a 98.6 degrees laying next to you, up under you, leg thrown across you, arm draping 'round you...
i need someone to clap for me... that's my supervisor, her supervisors, hell all the people at work.  a thank you, a high five, a slight nod that my work is appreciated...
i need someone to come get me... i want to be rescued... i want to be sought after, pursued, captured...
i need your energy... i need my mothers... my biological and adopted mums... those strong women who nurture with their kind words and thoughtful pats on the back... who mother the little girl in me and support the woman i've become
i need your direction... GOD... nuff said...

erykah badu... envelope pusher

I remember when Erykah Badu came on the scene in 1997 with Baduizm and my nephew who was about 9 at the time asked me, in his own words, what the hell is she saying Auntie K? (he always was a little cusser)... My response was, after I laughed at him, she’s telling the truth, her truth, the world’s truth, whatever truth... it's a story she’s telling and all that matters is how you interpret it.


Sometimes I wish she had an explanation for each of her songs written, or a little snippet of what she was thinking of when she wrote it, anything to allow me to get in her head for a minute but then would the song mean the same thing for me if I was spoon-fed her thoughts… probably not.

That brings me to New Amerykah Part Two: Return of the Ankh, her newest release available today. I am hyped, as always, and I already downloaded it. I have yet to be disappointed by anything Erykah has produced and even though Part One was a little dark, its message hard to swallow, I was and still am enlightened… her music makes me think and jam…

One of the things that I admire is that Erykah pushes the envelope… the political, the cultural, the emotional… if you have ever seen her interviews, she’s hilarious and to see her live is an awesomely, spiritual experience.

Window Seat… her newest release… the one that’s played on the radio, probably the only one that will be played on the radio… If Erykah is more than a radio artist, it is simply because of her fan base.  While most mainstream artist get tons of airplay, most soul artist do not.

The controversial, uncut, video of Window Seat has also been released and it is posted below. This video, along with her body of work is bound to be misinterpreted, mis-taken and most of all, it's bound to make you think..

Tap Into Your Magic...

Another memo from the establishment has been circulated... 200 to 375 positions will be cut... all based on seniority... least seniority or most? No one knows...

The other night I go to sleep and dream that my department goes from 6 staff members to 3 and I'm one of the 3 cut...

I need a raise in the worst way... Obama did all right with the $30 stimulus in my check... but the establishment?... they keep pushing my raise back... or forward... we're looking at May for some of the 4% raise...

we're thoroughly spent / them bills are stacked up / the budgets bent / and our credits jacked-up

I simply love Amel Larrieux's music... and especially her Morning CD. She wrote this song called Magic. And that's exactly what I thought about when I read today's memo... with the typos and the inappropriate slang use from our professional union... a union who rips fees from my check every 2 weeks that at this point serves little to no purpose... for me....

the stress level's high and the morale's low / and when it's lookin' like you're about to blow / your mind to the moon / stop what you're doin' / tap into your

Magic...

I've got magic up my sleeves... between my fingers... and swirling around my cranium... I believe, without a doubt, that I'm going to make it through this financial cycle... unscathed... I have skills and hustles that are marketable... I think outside the box and I'm not beyond any job...

I'm thankful... for my mother who still has an extra bedroom for her children... and the fact that my parents are financially stable... the roles are reversing at this stage and age and I worry about them as they once worried about me...

magic... feels good soon as you add it / if you forgot you had it / well, it's right where you at kid / reach into you and drag it out / i'm talkin' bout that magic / however you can, you must grab it / jump, sit still, sing, laugh it's...

magic...

magic...

I'm frugal like a mutha! I can turn 15 cents into $15.00. Like Erykah sang in Cleva... my dress may cost $7 but I'll may it fly... and I'll tell you why, cuz I'm Cleva!...

I love being a Librarian but if the money is elsewhere... I will learn a new skill, pursue a new career...

And most of all... I am resilient... sure sometimes my spirit breaks and tears seep from my eyes, but I've got tenacity... not easily broken...

Sister Brandi wrote of a Proverbs 31 Woman... and her post is on point!

And I close with this... Proverbs 31:25 "Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future."

Scream Out Your Own Damn Name

Last night Erykah Badu was in Brooklyn at Wingate Field and nothing on earth would have stopped me from attending this FREE concert. I've paid to see Ms. Badu a few times but I missed her this year when she came to Radio City. Fortunately last night me, my buddy DC and, my co-worker, Liryc were able to get into the park where thousands were gathered to hear the songstress. Even more fortunate was where we were seated. DC's friend had chairs in her car that she was soooo nice to let us borrow and we sat up on this hill where we could see the jumbo screens without having to stand as I'm sure a lot of folks had to do.

Erykah is amazing. She looked great and her voice.... always on point. She sang (in no particular order):

From Baduizm

Apple Tree

On & On

Otherside of the Game

Tyrone

From Mama's Gun

Bag Lady

"...& On"

"Time's a Wastin"

From Worldwide Underground

I Want You

Danger

From New Amerykah...

The Healer

My People

Me

Soldier

From the Brown Sugar soundtrack

Love of My Life

She may have sung another song or two but I think I got them all because I sang them ALL right along with her and I even danced a little towards the end to Bag Lady since we had to move our chairs while their cleared out the park.

Another highlight of the night was spotting Eb the Celeb. I tell you there were so many people out there and it's still unbelievable how Liryc spotted her. Of course she had no idea who we were since I have NO pics on my blog and Liryc has one but we shouted her out and later caught up with her for a snap. A pic of us is posted on her blog.

I've yet to go to an Erykah Badu concert that I didn't overwhelmingly enjoy. I can't imagine a soul who was there last night who didn't have a good time. The woman sings, she plays the drum, she's a DJ and then she speaks. When she's on the platform she's going to entertain you and give you a little something for your mind.

“I think music in itself is healing. It’s an explosive expression of humanity. It’s something we are all touched by. No matter what culture we’re from, everybody loves music.” ~Billy Joel

Kiss My Placenta

"How Dare You Disrespect My Queendom?"

Erykah Badu...
... she's quirky
... some call her crazy

When I spoke to my mom last night, who is an avid reader of Mediatakeout, she couldn't understand why Erykah keeps getting pregnant. My mom does not like Erykah Badu at all since she swears that Ms. Badu disrespected her. But now she really does not like her because she won't use birth control and the fact that she has three different baby fathers, that's just peeving her. Of course my mom has a lot of time on her hands because really...

What Erykah or anybody decides or does is their business!

Like Erykah said in her response/rant, "Who is the judge?".

As opinionated as I am, I try not to judge. Because I'm not perfect. Because I could have 10 children and just as many baby fathers. Because it's not my battle! Because she could be me or any woman that I know of.

Judgement is always harsh. It's not criticism where we say or do things to help the person along in life. Judgement is brow-beating a person for what WE think they should do because whatever they are doing is wrong. Judgement is placing a label on them... she's a slut, a whore, she's undesirable, she's less of a woman. Judging someone sets us apart from each other. We tend to think that that person is wrong and we are right. As for Erykah... she could have had 3 abortions... it's her body, her life, her conscious, her decision.

What also bothers me is that I know that the bulk of the comments and judgements are coming from women. Who better understands a woman who falls in love with 2 and now 3 men... than another woman. She has children with these men and she's raising them all the while wondering if the next man or the man in her life is going to accept her and her children. If he's going to mistreat or abuse her or her children. Who better understands a woman's concern of her man loving her AND her children, even though her children have fathers, who may or may not be present and active... than another woman. Who better understands a woman who loves a man so much that she wants to have a child/children with him, grow and build with him... than another woman.

Life doesn't always going along the path we plan but we still must live our lives to the fullest. I completely understand it and Erykah is one sassy woman! She basically said, hate it or love it - "Kiss my placenta!" Go Erykah go!

In case you haven't read or heard about the rant...
http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/25609078.html?thread=3139992950


Romans 2: 1-3
God's Righteous Judgment
"You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Now we know that God's judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment?"

Jealous Green

Jealousy.... It's in my Libra nature, I think. I try to bind it up but every now and then that green little creature creeps up on me. In my reality, jealousy is human nature. I hear people say all the time that they are not jealous but everyone at some moment is gripped by those tiny green digits.

In the year 2000, Erykah Badu, released her Mama's Gun CD. The longest song and probably the most personal was Green Eyes..."My eyes are green, Cause I eat a lot of vegetables..." Ms. Badu sangs her way through her issues with her boyfriend evolving ex-boyfriend having a "new friend". True to the stages of grief and death, what I love about this song is the movements. Movement I is Denial. Movement II is Acceptance. Movement III is Relapse.

Now relapse is not one of the stages of grief and death, according to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, but I could not understand how she skipped stages 2 to 4... Anger, Bargaining and Depression. What happened to being mad with that man for cheating, for leaving the relationship? A break-up is not complete until you beg and bargain for the lovin', "Don't leave me, we can still have an open relationship". And after you've said all you can say and cried and he's not hearing your pleas over the clap of the next woman's booty... when he says "no" and it really means no and not maybe, then that there depression envelopes you. That's when you take the good long look in the mirror, see the back fat that wasn't there before the relationship began and realize that your good just is not good enough for him anymore. That's when you spend money needlessly on scents, lotions, pocketbooks, make-up, shoes, brownies... no help for the back fat. But as time wavers, you begin to feel the relief, the tension ease, remnants of too much sugar on the tongue, and the depression lifts just enough for acceptance to come right on through. It's easy to see how Silly E. Badu can relapse when she didn't spend time mulling over the necessary stages.

Green is one of my favorite colors. It's the color of money, health, growth. But it's also used when referring to someone young or someone who is ill. So for the sake of this post, I will refer to jealousy being an emotion that is just a healthy process for growth, that is if you want to learn the lesson rather than having a green tinted pity party.

Erykah sang... "I'm insecure, But I can't help it, My mind says move on, My heart lags behind, But I don't love you any more, I'm so insecure, Never knew that love did this..."

Even in the most stable relationships, I sometimes feel insecure. This year has truly been a year for self-discovery and maturity and I had to learn that jealousy and most of my emotions come from within. Yeah it took 32 years to realize that those menacing people in my life are not to blame for each and everything going on with me. Of course I'm just joking. There are not a lot of menacing people in my life but I did stop pointing the finger outward and started looking within for the inward discord. I can't blame him or her for the wrongs when I've either given them authority in my life or I didn't make a certain decision and lived by default.

Life is all about choices and even emotions are all about choices. I believe in giving in to what you are feeling. If I'm mad, to heck with the person trying to bring me out of it. When I'm sad, I want to cry, roll all around the floor but I don't want anyone telling me to get over it. And if I happen to be jealous about something, for me it's not usually someone, I want to dance with that green creature until my acceptance, confidence comes riding up on a great white horse to rescue me.