in solitude...

if the life expectancy is still seventy years of age, then in the next five days i am embarking upon mid-life...
i expected the excitement and the thrill of reaching this milestone to engross me... i expected to celebrate my b'earthday with a big shebang with my friends... with my love... parties... las vegas... dinners and the like...

however as my day approaches, i'm not really in the party mood.  i do not want to go to a club. a trip to vegas does not agree with my pocketbook and while my friends are eager to help me celebrate, my b'earthday is really about me, not them.

i questioned myself and my mental... could i be slightly depressed? feeling that my life has not quite met my expectations, am i full of regret? am i quietly reluctant about turning 35 and therefore hesitant to celebrate?

now right here is where i can begin the lie and say that i am rejoiceful and excited. i can write that i can't wait to see what awaits me for the next 35. i am positive and forward thinking and openly expectant... but i'm telling you... that would be a lie.

i question the choices i have made.  and while i am forward thinking, i am also wondering... am i happy with my life choices? am i saving enough money? given the time and chance, what will i do differently?  what can i do better? and in my examination of me i suppose the pleasure of celebration has departed...

at 34 years and 360 days of age... i do not have regrets.  i really could have handled myself and some people differently but i know that everything in my life is as it should be. the people, my family and friends, are divinely placed.  i have lived... i mean i have liveded and i am, overall, pleased with my choices.

if i am blessed to, i will be sure celebrate many more b'earthdays with fanfare.  i will finally visit vegas and paris, rio and johannesburg. i will throw myself or possibly someone will throw me big surprise b'earthday bashes. i will buy my first home and my first car (it is so not necessary to drive in nyc). i embrace that i have some more living and learning and loving to do but when the clock strives twelve on year thirty-five, i will gratefully celebrate my life just as it is (which in truth is full of content and peace and plentiful blessings)...

i will enjoy myself in solitude...

Random Words I Type... Birthday Love...

I bask in the glow of turning 34...

I celebrated my birthday all weekend long... beginning when my friend arrived in town on Friday night... and then on Saturday with my awesome friends...

This was the 1st birthday I've ever had when I planned my very own outing. I usually stay low-key when my birthday comes around. I'll go to the movies, the spa, hang out with a friend or a love but never before have I planned something for me and my friends. When I turned 30, my ex planned my birthday celebration with a couple of close friends. That was nice and intimate... but this time I decided to do something fun, engaging... something I've never done...

Hookah!!!This here is me and my co-worker, my partner in crime, my play sister, play cousin, my ace, CB. See the boobies? It was their birthday celebration too! LOL - do you see the hookah pipe? I would have posted a pic of me and my guy but he insisted that I do not post of pic of him on my blog. Boooo to him. But he's the one who took this pic of us...

For those who don't know hookah is a water-pipe filled with fruit and a mild tobacco. I found this fabulous hookah lounge in the West Village and we passed the pipe with some fresh pineapple. It was wonderful! And to top the night... a belly dancer graced us with a performance... one of my friends let her know that it was my birthday and she called me up to dance... I had to show and prove! LOL


On Sunday, my actual birthday, after going to church, me and my friend enjoyed an intimate seafood dinner at one of my favorite seafood restaurants. "We must have oysters", he told me, "They're aphrodisiacs", he explained... and we dined on raw oysters, clams, fried calamari and red sangria...


I truly enjoyed my birthday and the celebration continues for the entire month of October... this birthday has been so lush, so decadent, and overwhelming. I'm grateful for another year of life. I am grateful for a plethora of blessings. I received numerous cards and gifts from my friends and most of all, I was and still am filled to overflowing with love.

It's My Anniversary...

I am learning that the Library is a big ole trap. The Library Trap. They trap you into working here for decades with the lure of Library School, better known as a Masters Degree in Information and Library Science. Then you're stuck here waiting on some older worker to retire or expire and hope that there is funding to keep the position open so you can apply and get the job. If or when that does happen, then you're here trying to learn that job, doing the job of others who have left and then the rest of the work is dumped on the remaining masses.

Today, they threw me a party to celebrate...

1. My birthday
2. My 11th anniversary

The food was delicious. The cake... ummm... was okay. No liquor. :(

In my department, we celebrate everyone's birthday, every year. Somebody please tell me why do they always try to surprise me? I always know when something is up. My co-workers leave the office area for long periods of time. CB comes over and asks me to escort her to the lounge for soda. How obvious can you people get?

That's me, front and center (I am sooo adorable). My supervisor is to the left with the locks. The one with her head of my shoulder is Ms. Liryc (fellow blogger), The far right is Shoba (Indian Princess Warrior), up above me is my homie.... I don't know if I should but I don't think she would be mad if I revealed her (but she may be mad because I posted this pic)... that's CB AKA Miss Stress (who also left the blog world suddenly and reemerged perhaps) and Ms. Ukraine is behind Warrior Princess. The photographer, my personal photographer (LOL) is on-the-job husband FP.

Then the anniversary.... First off, who celebrates 11 years on the job unless you're about to leave. 11 is an odd number! Secondly, they presented me with my 10 year pin today. Ummm, off by a year, huh? Yep. The library is definitely an off place. Thirdly, my 12 year anniversary is in January. My 11th year is almost over. So you mean to tell me I'm not worth 2 parties?

That's me holding up my teeeny 10 year pin. I can barely see it. But my cuff bracelet is cewt! Wonder Woman! (My baby gave it to me)

I loved the food and I'm so glad that I am taking most of it home. I have shrimp and veggies for dinner, along with chocolate strawberry shortcake and fruit. My co-worker Saki, yes Saki, paid for it. Well she can afford it actually because she's the only one of us who works because she wants to and for financial security just in case her husband pulls the strings on their marriage... But on a better note, me and Saki have gotten along better this year than in prior years and she loves me. We've outworked everyone else in this department, working together for 7 years.

All in all.... I'M HAPPY! I love this place. If I didn't, I would have crawled out of this library hole 8 years ago when I graduated with my undergrad. I would then be trapped with young'ns for 10 months a year, summers off. Who said library's don't know how to throw a party? For my tastes, all I need is good food and cake. A little bubbly snuck under the table by one of my cronies would have been nice-er.

Most of all, as always.... I'm thankful.

And in the midst of it all...

This past Saturday, October 4th, I celebrated my 33rd birthday.
Life is funny because I kept telling my peeps that I didn't want anything big for my birthday way before last Monday but still my guy wanted to do something and my friends wanted to take me out and since I celebrate for the month, I'm not quite done celebrating.

Friday
I went to church, believe it or not. It was an important service and I really wanted to get out of the house. Afterward me and my church friends went out to G-Bar, this little ole place in the Bronx and I had a nice time. I don't know if I was actually tipsy over the vanilla & chocolate martini or because I was up pretty early that morning. The food and drink was delicious.
And I'm so appreciative to my buddies for taking me out to celebrate my birth.

Saturday
I had an epiphany Saturday morning while exercising that I was going to be going out of state to this restaurant I have been dying to try. Well when my guy hit the turnpike I knew we were indeed heading to Joe's Crab Shack and in every way it lived up to its commercial. It's a shack and they have some banging seafood. I actually took pictures of the food but I haven't had a chance to go home to get them off of the camera in order to post them.
Then we came back to NY and did another simple thing I wanted to do which was go to the movies. We went to see "Lakeview Terrace" but after getting the tickets the usher told us to go into another theater where they played "The Express" which isn't actually released until next week and then Lakeview Terrace afterward. Two movies for the price of one!

Sunday
Church day, all day.
The youth choir bought me a card and a hand bag. That gladdened my heart.

Today
My co-worker FP bought me a Junior's chocolate cheesecake. Delicious! It's a big ole cake so I didn't eat my lunch in order to have a taste.
My other co-worker bought me Russian truffles. Oh the joy!
I love chocolate. I can have chocolate and coffee for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And since I'm a foodie, you can't go wrong buying me something delicious.

My father just called and told me I was doing too much and he can't understand why. "Communication is so important", he says. As if I haven't been speaking to him several times each day. If only he knew how much I don't like talking to folks! I wanted to scream at him that I was doing too much because he put $200 in my hand and told me to buy a dress, wig, earrings, stockings, slippers, gloves and underwear for his mother but instead I said, "Ok Daddy, I'll call Ms. Mason this evening and ask her to pick up the dress if she finds something by her job".

I'm learning not to take small things serious anymore.

I was reminded by one of my friends that I have to come up with 33 things that I want to do differently and another list began to emerge in my mind immediately. If and when I compose a list, taking things too seriously definitely will definitely be there.