erykah badu... envelope pusher

I remember when Erykah Badu came on the scene in 1997 with Baduizm and my nephew who was about 9 at the time asked me, in his own words, what the hell is she saying Auntie K? (he always was a little cusser)... My response was, after I laughed at him, she’s telling the truth, her truth, the world’s truth, whatever truth... it's a story she’s telling and all that matters is how you interpret it.


Sometimes I wish she had an explanation for each of her songs written, or a little snippet of what she was thinking of when she wrote it, anything to allow me to get in her head for a minute but then would the song mean the same thing for me if I was spoon-fed her thoughts… probably not.

That brings me to New Amerykah Part Two: Return of the Ankh, her newest release available today. I am hyped, as always, and I already downloaded it. I have yet to be disappointed by anything Erykah has produced and even though Part One was a little dark, its message hard to swallow, I was and still am enlightened… her music makes me think and jam…

One of the things that I admire is that Erykah pushes the envelope… the political, the cultural, the emotional… if you have ever seen her interviews, she’s hilarious and to see her live is an awesomely, spiritual experience.

Window Seat… her newest release… the one that’s played on the radio, probably the only one that will be played on the radio… If Erykah is more than a radio artist, it is simply because of her fan base.  While most mainstream artist get tons of airplay, most soul artist do not.

The controversial, uncut, video of Window Seat has also been released and it is posted below. This video, along with her body of work is bound to be misinterpreted, mis-taken and most of all, it's bound to make you think..

after the rain

I love the rain... even when it's coming down in sheets as it did the other night... there is something so calming, soothing about rain. It makes me want to stay low-key and silent, and it doesn't help that my body seems to hurt when the atmosphere changes and I know rain is in the forecast. I am almost forced to slow down and retreat. I have learned to appreciate rain. It moisturizes the air and brings nourishment to the earth. And then after the rain, the sun shines again. The skies are clearer, the air is lighter, you can breathe easier.

And that's how I'm feeling right now... I can breathe easier.

For the brief time that I was away from blogging, I felt like I was wearing a poncho and heavy behind rain boots because it was raining all the time... sporadic rain, sometimes a downpour, sometimes a drizzle and when it wasn't raining, it was just gray. I have finally carved out some time so that my creative side can thrive, once again.

I felt like I should done better for myself to prepare for the rain. I knew what season it was in my life, I knew what to expect yet I failed to prepare myself and instead I burned out. Well now I am on the mend. Rain is necessary and rain is inevitable but it doesn't have to be so hard to endure. I have learned that lesson.

Rain by SWV... one of my favorite songs

I Am On...

I did not want to do this... I really do NOT want to do this... I love blogging, I love reading your thoughts and experiences... I must admit that I am indeed taking a break from writing. It is quite evident from my lack of posts that blog writing is not in my focus. Oh I journal daily and there's a myriad of thoughts and posts roaming through my brain but the act of sitting still long enough to allow my thoughts to run through to my finger tips and type is such an arduous task for me right now. I really do not want to do this... but I must.

Before I go though... I wish you all a beautifully brilliant Black History Month for Black History is American History. Enjoy these upcoming Black Love days and I appeal to you to do something loving for the people in your family, your friends and your community. Go to your local library, engage in cultural activities and celebrate your Blackness. Remember that one drop rule... we pro'lly all Black anyway. Black pride!

February 7th was HIV awareness day but I implore all of you use this entire month to know more about HIV and to get tested!!! Know your status and protect yourselves. I love sex, it feels inexplicably great but it feels even better when you know that you are having healthy sex. Wrap that thang up! And take advantage of free testing. You know it's not really free right? Government agencies provide funding to nonprofit groups that will provide testing. That's a beautiful thing. We would take advantage of free concert tickets, free clothing or free food. Let's take advantage of free testing and awareness. If you're in the NY area, my church (In the Bronx) offers free testing every 2nd Saturday and next Friday, the 19th, we are having free testing from 5 - 9PM. Leave me your email address in the comments and I will be sure to email you the address.

Lastly, February is American Heart Month. Let us take the initiative to eat healthier, be more active, drink less alcohol, smoke less cigarettes and focus on our Heart Health.

I love you all... I miss you dearly... but I shall "see" you all very very soon!

Peace & Blessings

Life Overhaul

I believe that most change is gradual. Even the times when I did a 180, I find that the gear was set long before I made the turn. And with that, my reasons for not writing, posting or blog hopping as much as I'd like is because I've been overhauling my life.

A while ago I spoke about being on time for work, losing weight, saving money, and making some of my dreams realities... well the other day, I was talking with someone and after that conversation, I made a decision to overhaul my life. My mom tooted up her face at me and my co-worker uh huh'ed me. I'd mentioned the changes I wanted to make plenty of times before and the proof would have to be in the puddin'. That next Monday, I walked into work a whole hour earlier (my original time for work), did all that was on my to-do list, left out the door 8 hours later and headed home to get myself right for the next day. I know I was expected to show up at my regular late time on Tuesday but I shocked my supervisor and myself by showing up early again.

It was something said in that conversation I was having- it was a getting to know you conversation... I was talking about myself and realized how routine my life was but also how messy. My last achievement was 5 years ago and since then I've created this rut that I've been wallowing in. First things first, I needed to be on time - for everything. I needed to get to bed on time. I needed to stop taking advantage and riding through life and really start paying attention to my activities and where I placed all of my energy because lawd knows I was tired all of the time, having nothing to show for it.

Instantly, my energy increased. Instantly eating healthier became easier. My body feels better and I'm getting more done... That brings me back to this... My thoughts are clearer and my creativity is flowing. I put first things first and now everything else is falling into place...

Craving Pink....

I abandoned the color pink in 2009. I felt like pink was too youthful and didn't represent me as the woman I am. I leaned more toward purple, a color I simply adore. I wore and still wear a lot of purple. My home is decorated with lots of purple.

However as 2010 came in, for some reason, I craved pink. I ditched my pink last year, giving my sweaters and shirts to one young sister in my church. That didn't stop me from buying pink roses and carnations to decorate my home as the new year came in. And yet I still desired it around me. So I bought a pink tissue box for my desk at work and I bought pink fabric to adorn my home. It got to the point that I had to question myself.... What's up with me and this color? Here is a little of what I found when I did a google search....

"The color pink usually serves two purposes. It can be used to show childish innocence, or a characters child-like personality. It can also be used to show a more flirtatious personality. Pink is normally a color associated with girls and femininity.

Pink is considered a color of good health and life - we speak of people being "in the pink" or the "freshness" of a newborn babe.

Lastly, pink is associated with sexuality, and purity. That is, a girl who is a virgin in heart and body. Pink is symbolic of pure love, for example. It is also the color used for sexual advertisements and such, to indicate the purity of the girls."

*******

Pink is the color of universal love. Pink is a quiet color. Lovers of beauty favor pink. A pink carnation means "I will never forget you".

Pink is a combination of red and white. The quality of energy in pink is determined by how much red is present. White is the potential for fullness, while red helps you to achieve that potential. Pink combines these energies. Shades of deep pink, such as magenta, are effective in neutralizing disorder and violence. Some prisons use limited deep pink tones to diffuse aggressive behaviour.

Pink provides feelings of caring, tenderness, self-worth and love, acceptance.

Put some pink in your life when you want:

• calm feelings
• to neutralize disorder
• relaxation
• acceptance, contentment

After doing some soul searching I realized I was angry. I was angry at my ex. I was angry with my dear friend and I was even angry with myself. I was angry to the point that some of my joints were inflamed. I was burning hot angry. I blew up and cursed some folks out, pretty badly. I thought evil thoughts and went to bed angry for about 2 weeks. I now realize that my emotions and my entire being couldn't take the imbalance and therefore, my spirit was yearning for calm, order, contentment, love & acceptance, craving pink. But I also needed to relinquish my feelings, open up about my own shortcomings and let some things go. I needed to forgive.

I had hoped that as I prayed and purged during the last moments of 2009 that I would be renewed for the new year, but some issues trailed behind me. However, I'm grateful for the representation of the color pink, the calm it surely provides and my spiritual ear that listens to my soul's craving...

Year-end countdown... Thriving on Drama

While sitting at home, not too long ago, on a Saturday night... I finally watched "He's Just Not That Into You".

Not a bad film...

While I had (in my youthful past) and still fall into moments of sounding and even acting like the character Gigi, there was one part of the movie that struck a cord...

There is a part in the movie when Alex and Gigi were in the bar and he tells her that women thrive on drama and how we wait "until the last minute on deadlines, or on phone bills, because you love the drama of not knowing whether you'll make it" I simply shook my head and raised my eyebrows. It may or may not be a true statement but it is true for me.

When I reflect on my 2009 and every situation I encountered, the good and the bad, I can't help but ponder the choices I made and how they relate to my circumstances.

I tell myself I don't like drama. I pride myself on not being a drama queen but some of the choices I make create drama in my life such as not saving enough money, spending frivolously, not opening bills, ignoring collection calls, eating too much of the wrong foods, not exercising, procrastinating... there is no wonder why I'm dealing with hardships. I helped to create them!

I am amazed sometimes at how the universe forces you to deal with your problems... every valley that I fell in caused me to be still... you can't go out, eat out or spend frivolously with no money! I was forced to look within and see what was keeping me from taking care of my personal matters and then I was able to take inventory of my life, pick up the pieces and begin to rebuild.

I had a rough year but I survived a health scare, losing money, losing friends and lay-offs on the job. I also had some good times... I reactivated my facebook account, reconnected with old friends, explored and enjoyed my freedom, vacationed, relaxed and reignited a high school flame.
In 2009 I thrived on drama and I teetered on whether or not I was gonna make it but... I made it. There's nothing like a little drama to make you seek and strive for balance and most of all I am grateful for my hardships. Without them I wouldn't have grown, I wouldn't feel my strength and I wouldn't be at peace.

Year-end countdown... losing friends

It's the last 3 days to 2010... and while I will be ever so glad to turn the page on this year, I can't help but reflect on what a year it's been.

I've had some lows... It's been a good long while since I've been hit so hard but I've learned that I can take a hit. One of the hits I've taken is the loss of one of my dearest friendships.

Most of my friendships span over decades and I have some that are new... me and this particular friend have known each other since middle school. Through falling in love, heartbreaks, achievements, sickness, health and life changes, we've been there. I can be naive at times though I count it as one of my qualities. I never foresaw this type of break-up. I know quite a few people.... I call some people associates but I call very few "friend".

The close and tight-knittedness that friends have as youth is hard to maintain as adults. We're not together all day as we were in school, our summers aren't spent chillin' and the freedom we had is now hard to reclaim with responsibilities and interests yet some friendships stand the test of time. This one did not and it didn't feel like shedding old skin when it broke, it felt as if I was cut with a knife.

I got the cut through a facebook message... Really? Over 20 years of friendship and I find out by opening up my facebook account? I suppose telephones no longer work... Hell, we live 20 minutes away from each other, a visit wouldn't do? There's a disconnect somewhere when facebook becomes the mode of communication for 2 people who were friends back when their mothers sanctioned their telephone use.

"Friends are forever"... that's how the saying goes... but in my life I've learned that sometimes it's our friends who hurt us the most... Keeping me as a friend was much too toxic. Apparently I wasn't the friend she needed me to be when she needed it. My choices, my thoughts and my ways no longer coincided with hers and it hurt more to keep me within her circle that cutting me out was the best option.

Truthfully speaking... I've cut ALL of my friends off a time or two in my life. I was unhappy by something they said or did and I took a vow to be friendless before I would put up with them and their messes... so while it hurts that our friendship is over, I accept her choice.

Everything happens for a reason. While some friendships are meant to last for a lifetime sometimes we don't realize that some are only meant to last for very long seasons.