Wednesday, February 27, 2008

What Would You Do?

Almost 15 years ago, while a freshman in college, I met a fellow student. She was pregnant and needed notes to catch up because she missed a couple of classes. Me being helpful, I lent her my notebook and we became instant friends.

Today I'm wearing a silver chain with a silver puffed heart pendant that she gave to me for Christmas that year. I remember how nice it was of her to buy me such a beautiful gift, especially since we had only known each other for about 3 months.

I think about her often because I miss her. Shortly after giving birth to the baby, we lost touch with each other. She was living with her boyfriend and child's father then. He was a cool guy, a decent boyfriend and I had a college boyfriend then so we used to all hang out. But even when we were all chillin' I noticed and my boyfriend noticed that my friend's man would flirt with me.... a lot..... At first, I thought nothing of it... at first. However my boyfriend was very much hip to it and didn't want to hang around them as a couple but I still kept in contact with my friend, mostly via the phone since she took leave from school to have the baby. But then her man started calling me when she wasn't around. Like after she gave birth and was staying with her mother for a month so that her mother could teach her how to care for her child and the times after that whenever she wasn't around. We didn't hold long conversations. In fact, I would interrupt him before he got vulgar and end the call. Finally I got harsh and explained to him that he and I weren't friends and he shouldn't be calling me. Instead of me telling my friend that her man was calling for me and was trying to hold indecent conversation, I pretty much just stopped calling all together and she got the hint and stopped calling me too.

I watched ABC's latest primetime "Hidden Camera Experiment: What Would You Do?" last night. They staged a camera crew and some "what if" episodes to see how people would react given various situations. One scenario featured a man who saw his friend's fiance in a restaurant eating and clearly cheating with a co-worker. He was confused about what to do but when his friend arrived to the same restaurant after his fiance left, he told him exactly what he saw.

Fortunately for these people, it was just an act created for entertainment. Fortunately no one's feelings were hurt and I was glad that that man's friend was honest and upfront with him. My friend used to tell her boyfriend that I was her only pretty friend and I had a nice shape and I thought that that was what piqued his interest. I was fearful that she would think that I was to blame, that I was trying to entice her man, that it was the other way around, that I wanted him. I didn't know how the situation would turn out if I broke down and told her what had been happening but I never got the chance to find out.

Given a situation where you see your friend's significant other out and about cheating or if your friend's significant other was trying to kick it to you, what would you do?


Don said...

Good question. If you asked e this question a few years ago, I would say that I'd tell the friend. But now as I have gotten older and wiser...I would keep my mouth shut. In fact, I have caught my cousin's wife with someone. She almost lost her mind. I explained to her that its not my business, and that she had nothing to worry about. A year later, she always thanks me for that.

I've learned to stay out of stuff now.

MsKnowitAll said...

Don... that is very wise and I think I too would keep my mouth shut as well. I can be a snitch at times but with relationship matters, it's slightly different and can complicate things. Thanks for coming thru...