About 6 months ago was when it first started. I found myself leaving little things at home that I meant to put in my bag... my cell phone, important documents... Then I found myself feeling out of sorts, confused... A lot.
I'm so glad that yesterday I had the time and the energy to look at my life critically and figure out how to get my bearings back. It's a bad feeling when almost everything feels out of control.
The case that brought it back to me was with my dry cleaning. I was going to a dry cleaners where the people spoke conversational english - you know, "Hi, when will you pick up?, write your name, bye". I liked them because they were a new business, seemed to be more organized than my regular guy and everything was good until they lost a pair of my slacks. I didn't even realize it until about a month later. They weren't my favorite pair or my old reliable pair so I sorta forgot about them until I was deciding on what to wear one day, had those pants in mind and couldn't find them. I decided not to fight the dry cleaners, I just wouldn't let that happen to me again. So yesterday I see my old guy, Ralphy, and he says, "Hija (that's daughter in Spanish), I've been missing you, good to see you and have a happy holidays".
That's when it hit me that I got off track when I started going for the new, chasing the bling, not using my discernment with people, places, my time... when I thought my monotony needed some stirring and I started to rely upon myself to make things happen, which is not always so wise. And this applies to much more than where to put my dry cleaning but also to the people I hang with, the foods that I'm eating, procrastinating, getting to work, and everywhere else for that matter, on time, the amount of money I'm spending.... The list could go on and on but last night, while spending some alone time and getting mad with myself that I just don't seem to have it together, I decided to go back to my center.
Going back to reading my prayer book every morning
Going back to journaling and reading for enjoyment
Going back to being prepared and not thinking so much that I actually lose my focus
Going back to being grateful for what I have already been blessed with
Going back to my center, going back to taking care of me