Monday, December 22, 2008

I've Given Myself a New Name

Not long ago I was on the phone with a man who I used to be available for. When he called, I would get my house ready, my body ready and shut the phone off. On that recent call with him, we talked, laughed and flirted. He propositioned me for some late night rubbin' and lovin' and I declined. He called me a Teaser.

I have an old flame who I actually consider a friend and I work with him. He got married last year and since then he's tried to hit on me repeatedly. We barely spoke before he was married and he was ambiguous the entire time we dated, which was 7 years ago. This past week he emailed me and when he didn't get the response he wanted, he called me a Cold Ass Woman.

There was a time when I gave in to the 1st man and he probably called me Easy, a Slut or a Ho. There was a time when I was feeling the 2nd man like mad and he probably called me Crazy or Sprung. Under normal circumstances I do not like name calling but with these two situations I laughed it off. Reason being, I already gave myself a new name.

My new name is Worthy

I am Worthy of quality time and attention
I am Worthy of being missed, loved and cared for
I am Worthy of success
I am Worthy of forgiveness and patience
I am Worthy of my heart's desires and genuinely loving relationships
I am Worthy of being in the midst of things that bring joy to my soul.

There was a time when I was dealing with the 1st man and I didn't feel worthy of a true relationship, which is why I settled for a sexual, on-call, relationship when it was presented to me. There was a time with the 2nd man when I was prepared to change and rearrange my life in order for him to approve of me. I am so glad that with time and energy, I've grown.

Lately I have been called Selfish, Arrogant and Self-Righteous in addition to being a Teaser and a Cold Ass Woman and I must say that I am guilty of parading all of those qualities. I have been loving and giving to everyone I know and it's way past time to give back to myself. If that makes me any of the above, I'm to blame... unapologetically.

I am Worthy of spending time on myself. I am Worthy of telling others NO. I am Worthy of the number one slot in my life and I cherish it. If that means giving unto myself to the point that it's considered sinful, then so be it. I'm Worthy of that too!

13 comments:

Kiayaphd said...

Wow! I could've written this post this weekend.

I'm with you, I accept all of those monikers, call it what you will. To me, the name I'm called is more a reflection of the person doing the calling, than it is who I am as a person.

So, by calling me selfish, you're actually telling on yourself because you think you are owed something I am not prepared to give.

Call me a cold ass woman and you're saying that I'm wrong because, again, I am denying you something you think you deserve to have. You're right, that's cold!

You go girl! Declare your independence from tyranny. Address life and love according to YOUR terms and no one else's.

Oh, and only when YOU want to,
"get my house ready, my body ready and shut the phone off"

Lovebabz said...

JUMPING TO MY FEET WITH APPLAUSE!

Merry Christmas! Oh you are going into the new year with such strength!

Yes you are indeed WORTHY and beautiful...and amazing and lovely!

TRUTHZ said...

do you mind if i repost this on the bisonroundup? this is something that i think a lot of people need to hear

clnmike said...

Well said.

freedom said...

Of COURSE you're worthy. Good post, good name. Happy holidays. Peace.

MsKnowitAll said...

Kiaya... I want to add your comment to the original post. I love it!

Lovebabz... Thank you Sister! I've been putting in my well work and this new year is going to be astounding!

Truthz... I do not mind at all. Thank you much.

Clnmike... Thank you Brother!

Freedom... Thank you and Happy Holidays to you. Peace.

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

WOW, good for you!

It takes a big leap of faith to understand that you are worthy. Now comes the hard part...living up to your worthiness ;)

Great post, keep on that journey of self-discovery. You might just be shocked at the woman you find there.

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

I am sorry I am late but Merry Christmas or I hope you had a wonderful one.

This is such a good post. I have been grappling with this myself.
I know I am worthy . . .
But sometimes I seem to forget.

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

Oh yeah I am glad that you know you are worthy of all things great.

Kenya Says said...

Wow well spoken!!! I'm so feeling this!

MsKnowitAll said...

Thank you Kay C! Happy New Year Sis.

Queen... Thank you! Happy New Year to you! Of course you are worthy. I think we all tend to forget our worth from time to time.

Kenya... Well hello to ya! And that you Sis.

Monique said...

I.LOVE.IT. You definitely are worthy, as is any woman! You better go girl.

Ticia said...

amen to this post - I loved every word you typed!!

Worthy are you :)