Saturday, December 6, 2008

Writing Reality Checks

Waking up this morning I was feeling slightly down. Woke up alone. The heat was piping in my apartment but my bed was cold.

Reality check

I went directly for my Sade cd. Wanted to listen to Lover's Rock, King of Sorrow, Somebody Already Broke My Heart... but then I found a blank cd I created a while ago, popped it in. Just Fine by Mary J. Blige. I created it months ago for my morning workouts and forgot all about it - and about the intentional morning workouts. Just the song I needed to hear this Saturday morning to get my body and my mind moving.

Reality check

About to mope. About to let my Saturday low keep me from the sunshine outside. About to let one person, one night, one comment, one situation, one bad relationship, no two bad relationships, nonsensical drama and straight bull keep me from living out today.

Reality check

Mary sangs...
No time for moping around, are you kidding?
And no time for negative vibes, cause I'm winning
It's been a long week, I put in my hardest
Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right

I'm sure my neighbors are pissed as hell with me right now because not only am I playing Mary, Faith, Angie, Jill and Erykah (my get low just to make you feel good sisters), I am blasting 'em. Their music, the beats, the rhythm, is all I want to hear to drive out the drone of my melancholy. I had one helluva week. A quit my job, chop of my hair, curl up in my mother's lap and let her love and nurture me, eat Oreos, chocolate ice cream, Doritos and drink chocolate soy milk kind of a week. Instead I'm drinking iced Red Zinger tea, yogurt and a banana. Cause I "Got my head on straight, I got my vibe right / I ain't gonna let you kill it / You see I wouldn't change my life, my life's just... FINE" Ain't no monkey gonna stop my grind because I'm about to be fit, fabulous and oh so fine in 2009.

Reality check

I can deal with solitude. That's what books and telephones were created for. One quick phone call to my mum, dad or a trusted friend, and my solitude evaporates. Solitude has no hold on me. However that's not what I woke up next to. Solitude is not what I felt this morning at all. I woke up next to dejection. I woke up next to self-pity and I was about to throw a pity party with an invitation for one. My Lover's Rock cd is the same brand and has no label just like my Growing Pains cd... so I'm glad I picked the right one. Sade is my friend and we've gone through some times but not today Sade.

"Feels so good, when you're doing all the things that you want to do
Get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new
It's a really good thing to say
That I won't change my life, my life's just fine"


Unforgiven said...

I'm sorry you woke up and were not at your best. I am glad that you broke out of it though. Don't let anyone occupy space in your head, and definitely don't let them stop you from enjoying your day.

MsKnowitAll said...

Thank you much Unforgiven. Life throws some hard hits sometimes. It's about dodging and maneuvering.

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

While I have been cleaning this weekend and reflecting I have had Mary J on blast. I take songs from all her CD's that speak to me put them on one and let it play.

I know my neighbors are like what is up with that girl and her Mary mood swings.

Mary is my one. She wrote her life which seems like she wrote my life.

Anyway, I hope that things are looking up for you.
I tell you I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster. One minute I am up the next I am down.

MsKnowitAll said...

Queen... we are so here. that's exactly what i'm feeling. emotional. roller coaster. i just keep telling myself that next week i'll feel better and the week after that this feeling will be even weaker. that's what helps me make it through.