Thursday, December 4, 2008

Why Me?

"If I were to say, ''God, why me?'' about the bad things, then I should have said, ''God, why me?'' about the good things that happened in my life." ~Arthur Ashe

The question, Why Me?, is usually asked when things go wrong. Someone has lost a job, or a loved one, you stump your toe or some crazy crap just keeps happening and you can't help but question...

Why Me?

You feel singled out. Punished. God doesn't love you. NO ONE loves you. Things have occurred, beyond your reason, beyond your control and we ask God and everyone around us to explain...

Why Me?

Lately I've been asking the very question but for different reasons... I couldn't be happier in my life. I mean sure it's the holidays and I've been spending lots and lots of time alone and my money is low but my finances are coming together quite nicely.
I cannot stand the fact that I have to work, everyday at that, and I'm really not liking my boss at all but life outside of this building is great.
I have wonderful friendships and a friendship that only a love list can inspire.

Yet I question Why Me? Why do I feel so lovely and these lovely things keep happening to me? Love keeps flowing in and through my life... Why Me?

I think of "The Yellow Wallpaper" by Charlotte Perkins Gillman. I think of that woman who lived in a child-like state, trapped and confined, living in a horrible fantasy world. I think of how her life was unfulfilled and hidden from her husband and even from herself. I think of how she stripped the yellow wallpaper from the wall in order to free the woman she imagined who lived in the wallpaper, thus freeing herself...

The other day I wrote Why Me? down in my journal. I stared at it for about 5 minutes when another question popped in my head that made me scratch the mess out of that question and write.

Why NOT Me?!!!

Am I not one of the most magnificent people I know?!!! Haven't I tried to be good to people? Don't I deserve some happiness? Is everyone else I know supposed to reap the rewards of life and I'm to sit by the sidelines cheering them on? Or am I supposed to adorn myself and dance in the very same parade? Oh, yes the hell I am!

I no longer want to be a "Wallpaper Woman", crawling around in a prison behind the walls believing that good things come to others but passes me right on by. Instead I participate in and anticipate my blessings by raising my hands high with expectation and no doubt, ready to grasp my blessings, hold them close to my heart with a heartfelt Thank You on my lips.

More importantly, never ever do I want to take my blessings for granted. If God sees fit to bless me who am I to question it. So whatever comes my way... reason, season, lifetime, the good and the not so good, I count it all joy!


Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

Good post.

When I saw the title I immediately thought "Why not you?" and then I read down and smiled when I saw that part.

I figured out the bad always makes room for the good. But sometimes we get so caught up in waiting for the other shoe to fall that we forget to enjoy what is in the here and now.

Many blessings, joy and happiness to you. Continue to enjoy!

Monique said...

This is a great post!

MsKnowitAll said...

Kay C... Thank you for your insight and wise words.

Monique... Thanks so much, Mo. How is your lil' man? He's probably getting so big. Are you going to post any pics?

clnmike said...

Very good post.

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

I think like this all the time Why do I go through this or that. Why am I so stupid (that probably is more my fault), why no one loves me the way I feel I should be love.
Why I can't have my dreams.

Then when that preacher said is that waht God wants you to have. . .I was like Why not.
Why would he not want me to have these things?
So, this weekend I am trying really hard to figure all this out.

MsKnowitAll said...

Thank you ClnMike...

Queen... my positive thoughts are with you this weekend as you ponder. may you have many revelations and see things clearer.