Sunday, December 7, 2008

Nurturing... Nurture Me

A couple of weeks ago I was in the fish market with my father's girlfriend. Add ImageWe look nothing alike but people always ask if we're mother and daughter. I guess it's because she looks motherly and I daughterly. She is always the first to say no. Over the past few months, we've been spending a lot of time together, working together and her firm answer always strikes a cord with me. So we're in the market and after she says no, I turn to her and say, "You have no daughter, you only have one son. You are in a relationship with my father, a married man, married to my mother and you always say, "No she's not my daughter" or "No she's his daughter". You can at least say "She's my step-daughter" or "Yes she's my daughter". What's the harm in that? We're not close friends and I can always use an extra mum."

As a grown woman, the little girl in me still sometimes needs, wants and cries out for Mommy time. I said in my previous post that I wanted to curl up in my mother's lap for some love and nurturing after a long week. I would probably also throw in a good cry, babble and a runny nose for the full effect. If I even suggested to my mother that I wanted anything more than her ear, a hug and a cheek kiss (with just the cheeks touching) she would side-eye me and tell me to get out of her face.

To entertain the little girl in me, I must take the time to nurture myself. My father's girlfriend isn't bending - I probably wouldn't enjoy her nurturing no way - and my mum is great but I need more. I must do what is necessary to give back to me.

I am extremely giving in relationships. I mean I giiiiiiive and my last relationship was a doozy. I gave of my time, my patience and my love until I felt exhausted and unable to give back to me. One of the reasons for ending my relationship was the neediness of my partner. There is only one number one slot in my life and I gave that to him. Now it's vacant and I need to fill my own damned slot!

As I pull out my burgundy nail polish for my toes, arrange the gerber daisies I bought, remove the red velvet cake I baked from the oven (no icing), give myself a facial and sit down next to my lavender colored candled and my Exotic burning oil from The Body Shop with my new read "In the Night of the Heat" by Blair Underwood, Tananarive Due & Steven Barnes, I think of all of the wonderful things I appreciate about me, snuggle up underneath my burgundy throw and give myself a big hug. I deserve my Love.


Kiayaphd said...

You know, I get that you don't necessarily NEED your father's girlfriend's nurturance, but I'm still curious. . . why the firm "no"? What does it mean to HER, that she has so much trouble acknowledging that the two of you are bonded, even if it's just over dad? I'm sorry, I felt a little insulted on your behalf!

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

I have been feeling the exact same way lately. It seems like the more you give, the more people take.

Maybe we should start putting that effort into loving ourselves. Thanks for the inspiration today, I really needed it!

MsKnowitAll said...

Kiaya... i feel the exact same way. what's up with her and that "no" business?! i was going to write a whole post about her but i wouldn't give it that much energy. i wanted to tell her that she should be proud someone even asks if i am her daughter but i didn't want to be too disrespectful.

Kay C... thank you sis. the adage is true. the more you give, the more you will definitely keep on giving. it's worth it to be conservative. i'm learning the put the effort into loving me life lessons.

clnmike said...

I dont think you need her, you have love from other avenues to feed off of.

Me if my step dad tried to say I was his son he might of gotten his teeth knocked out.

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

Well, I hope the self pampering nurturing loving yourself evening was fun.
It seemed like a lovely idea to me.

I have a stepdaughter she is 21 will be 22 in December.
She has always lived in another state. When she did visit with me and her father (ex husband. . .sure you had that figured out)I would tell people this is my daughter.
I would get the strangest stares at first like what.
Then I would sometimes exlain she was my stepdaughter depending if I felt the person needed an explanation.
We were close, but I haven't seen her in a minute.
Now I feel bad. I will have to contact her mother to get her phone number.

MsKnowitAll said...

Clnmike... Thank you. I really don't need my dad's girlfriend, do I? My thing is, she better be good to my dad, respect him and treat him right. Other than that, respect that I'm his baby girl. And I'm a daddy's girl too so it's probably some jealousy there...

Queen... Oh my gosh! What did your ex do to you? If she has a baby anytime soon, you're going to be one young step-grandmother! LOL
You should contact her. I'm sure she would love to hear from you. Don't feel bad, just contact her to say hello, send her a card or note.