Thursday, August 14, 2008

Lessons I'm Learning... Love List Thursdays

I’m learning that trusting in relationships is so complicated. I have always demanded trust. Complete and total trust - I won’t settle for anything less! I want to fully trust a person with my heart, my feelings, my love and I want that trust reciprocated.

But I know that I must be realistic. I know that someone is going to do and say things that hurt me at some time. I can pray it won’t happen, hope it won’t happen, will it to never happen, but the reality is it is inevitable.

I remember a time when I trusted fully. It was a long, long time ago but I used to trust 100% until a person wronged me. Then the brokenness created would chip away at the trust. Oh but now… everybody starts off with ZERO and trust is earned. I learned that trust should only be given to someone who is worthy.

Worthiness… that’s the key.

Trusting is never easy. It is not easy to accept that a person may hurt you. It is downright hard to accept that the person you love DID hurt you, or is hurting you - possibly damaging the relationship that took years to build, yet you keep your love open and allow yourself room and reasoning to resolve whatever conflict exists so that you may get over hurdles and continue to grow and nurture your love.

I’ve been hurt… plenty. I’ve been in relationships where trust was destroyed and completely died. Yet in my current relationship, I’m experiencing some things… learning some lessons, where in the past I would have called it quits and forgotten that the relationship had any weight to it at all. I’m learning that even though I’m a perfectionist, I’m not perfect and even though I want my mate to be perfect in every sense of the definition, that’s not likely to eeeeven happen. I know it’s crazy and truthfully I don’t really expect perfection. But I do expect openness… openness to communicate – fully, honestly (even if it hurts), openness to resolving conflicts and agreeing to disagree - if need be, openness to allow him to be who he is and the same with me… I continue with the Love List…

81. Makes our relationship a priority over the little things that could possibly break down an otherwise strong and maturing relationship
82. Knows that he is accountable for every action and deed he commits
83. Respects my need for personal space, and respects my thoughts, opinions and property by not snooping
84. Trusts me and is secure enough to allow me to have and begin friendships with whomever I want
85. Knows that he’s not my
end all or my be all and he’s completely fine with that

If you wanna check out a love list supreme, check out Lovebabz's Love List

If you wanna know just How "Magic" Lists Work


ChezNiki said...

Trust is so difficult for me. After I realized I couldnt trust my parents (yes it goes back that far) it was pretty much a wrap for everybody else. Ive been in love and "open" but not completely open, always holding back some little part (or a huge part in some cases). Maybe one day Ill fall in love again and trust somebody...

...for now all I see in the near future is a series of meaningless, yet hot, repeat booty calls

Lovebabz said...

Excellent post!

I think people let their insecurities interfere with trusting. I think if you are insecure and doubtful of who you
are then trust is going to be a big issue. I think there is a lot of confusion around what real trust is and where insecurities begins.

I am so loving your LOVE LIST!

MsKnowitAll said...

Chezniki... I completely feel you, everyday is a journey. I have to really take the time to think of exactly when trusting became such an issue and do some reverse work.

"For now all I see in the near future is a series of meaningless, yet hot, repeat booty calls" - WOMAN you crazy! LOL

Lovebabz... Yes! Amen Sister! I agree with your comment totally. Thank you - from reading yours I thought love lists were simple but it's work digging into the "self" for the real.

Kiayaphd said...
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Kiayaphd said...

I am learning that the ability to trust comes with my ability to recognize what I need and want in a mate. If I have chosen well, out of my need for certain qualities and attributes, then trust becomes a non-issue.

I have learned that when I have difficulties trusting someone, it is a sign that I have not chosen well, and my subconscious starts poking me and pointing that out. My love list is helping me to recognize that more and more. You expressed it well.

Oh, and I love Leela James; that's a big voice for a little bitty woman!

Kiayaphd said...
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MsKnowitAll said...

Kiaya... The love list is definitely exposing OUR truths. Love your comment. Thank you.

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

You know I love Leela James, I posted that exact link in one of my older posts. That song was my truth while I healed.

Trust is something plenty of people want, but not many can earn and keep. I agree that you must recognize what is causing you to not trust your SO while still keeping your eyes open.

Learning the lesson is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. The Love List seems to be working a little too well for me. I think I need to add to it and be a little more specific.

Continue to learn and grow, sister.

Monique said...

This post kind of goes in line with my question of the week: do you believe in second chances in a relationship? Trust is extremely important. Once it's lost completely, one can almost never get it back.

MsKnowitAll said...

Kay C... I remember reading that post when you posted the link. I have to come over and visit your love list additions.

Monique... I agree yet once trust is lost, you can regain it but always with the side eye and a bunch of questions. I've been on both sides - losing trust in others and others losing trust in me.