Thursday, September 4, 2008

... Love List Thursdays

My guy and I were having our customary Monday morning argument on Tuesday morning (Labor Day threw us off). I don't like to argue. At all. I prefer healthy conversations, voicing opinions, agreeing to disagree but I don't like arguing.

I admit the argument was stupid. It went from one little thing to something big. After he left me to run off to work, I had a moment to think and realize that the argument didn't even have to take place. I could have cut the whole thing short myself by just saying one word. Sorry.

I admit that I am not a sorry sayer. It's not that I feel exempt from all wrong doing or Ms. Perfect as he calls me. I just feel that a "sorry" doesn't always cut it. For instance, when people say "I'm sorry that you feel that way" - that's not even a band aid for the damage. That's so weak that it doesn't even make sense to say. Yet I know that saying sorry sometimes encourages healing and holds one accountable to his or her actions.

So on Tuesday when I put butter on his toast not knowing he didn't want butter, he expected a sorry but instead I said, "How did I know you didn't want butter on your toast! It's toast! You always put butter on your toast. Oh well, I bet it's gonna taste really good with butter on there". I called him later to apologize even though I didn't feel an apology was necessary. It was a simple mistake and though it was not a heartfelt apology, just the fact that I extended the words to him was the balm that was needed to ease the tension between us.

That's not the best way apologize. In fact it was just as weak as his. I wouldn't suggest anyone say sorry just cause. I'm ashamed to say that I said it just to keep peace...

But it worked...

I said sorry because I know that that 5 letter word if gone unsaid can and probably will lead to resentment in the future. I forget to check myself on the little things and I was determined for us to not have a messed up day just because I wouldn't humble myself over an apology... even if it was over buttered toast.

K's Love List - Could I really be at 100 already!
96. Keeps promises - don't make 'em if you have no intention of keeping 'em
97. Willing to admit that he doesn't know everything and ability to admit when I am right
98. A dreamer who is also passionate about living in the moment - not the past, not the future
99. Knows my strongest emotion and tries not to bring me to the point of expressing it

100. Makes every effort, exhausts all means to be the best mate he could possibly be.

If you wanna check out a love list supreme, check out Lovebabz's Love List
Other lovelisters are... Kiaya, Kay C, True Urban Queen...

If you wanna know just How "Magic" Lists Work


The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

Congrats on making it to one hundred. (clapping)

I am always the one saying sorry to a guy.
I even apologize for things that weren't my fault.

I am glad you are back and feeling better.


Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

I think we are conditioned to say "sorry" but it's funny how few times we actually mean it. I find myself saying sorry way more than I would like.

Wow! I can't believe you are at 100 already. I hope your list works for you.

MsKnowitAll said...

Queen... one hundred doesn't feel like enough yet it was hard coming up with these last 5.

thank you missy. i am feeling a little better. i could be better - really. i have been vegging out for the past 4 days and it's been good for the body & mind.

Kay C... yep! i'm glad that i started this and reached completion. it feels great. i have to print the entire list out. i was keeping track but stopped at 46. ?!?!

Lovebabz said...

WOW! 100 already! You ROCK!

Saying sorry is more for your own sake. It says you acknowledge that you wronged someone. It does not denote weakness...but strength.

Yes, print it out, put them in a pretty book, and refer to it when you have those moments of uncertaintly about your loveships. Let it guide you.

Dallas Black said...

Congrats on 100.

Yea, learning to say sorry comes with age, patience and time. I would PAY to hear my mother say it but thats a different story. I try to follow-up sorry with my famous pout look and brown eyes...add in some cash and wine and they get over it.

I also know that when you sistas wanna get mad..anything can set ya'll off...even butter on toast...hehe.

MsKnowitAll said...

Thank you Lovebabz!... Since I'm still on va-cay, today being my last day, I sure will print out my list and I have the perfect binder for them.

There's an lesson to be learned in the rendering of an apology. It is freeing and strengthening.

Dallas Black... Hello Sir, how are ya? Thank you. Making 100 was certainly no easy feat.

Don said...

Good deal on 100, msknowitall.

I kinda see what you mean about the word sorry. I usually don't have the inclination to use it, unless I am really sorry and that person's actions still won't allow me to 'do it again,' meaning my responded acts.

But if I know the person whom I apologize to, if I know they can do something to make me disrespect them...then I cannot say I'm sorry, cause I'm not.

Also, I'm two short on the list. I think this is the first time I've been two short.

MsKnowitAll said...

Don... It's perfectly fine with me if you have only missed two. If you missed 20, then we'd have a problem. I can overlook up to about 7 on the list.