We women are always quick to say what we want to attract in the opposite sex but we don't necessarily live up to our own standards. We may like and adore the greatest of qualities in others but lack those very same qualities. We question why we attract a certain type of individual when we really desire the creme de la creme, superstar quality, wealthy and brilliant.
In creating my Love List, I purposely don't list qualities of a man who has anything that I don't. I spend a lot of time dating me, getting to know me and I know me very well. I can't ask anyone to offer anything that I don't possess. I can't ask for a Will Smith lookalike if I don't look like Jada Pinkett-Smith. I can't ask for anyone to openly and honestly communicate with me if I'm not a good communicator. And I can't ask for someone with huge Trump pockets when I'm a struggling blue collar woman. I know the adage says that opposites attract but the truth is Like Attracts Like.
I'm not saying that we must lower our standards but we must be real, taking a good look in the mirror and seeing ourselves - perfections and imperfections. If you don't like what you see when you're walking past the mirror, perhaps it's time to work on the physical, head to the gym or walk a few laps around the track. Perhaps it's time to head to the salon or the barber shop for a new do, or splurge a little on some new clothes and shoes. Afterall, if you don't like what you see in the mirror, chances are, nobody else will either. Upgrade yourself.
You know I love me some Erykah Badu and she hit it right on the head with...
"Bag lady you gone miss your bus / You can't hurry up / Cause you got too much stuff / When they see you comin' / Niggas take off runnin' / From you it's true / oh yes they do"
I won't claim to be free of baggage and all negative energy because I'm not and given any day or situation, something from my past, unresolved, may rise up and attack but if I want or if anyone wants to find and keep some love it's about fixing the brokenness. For me... With God all things are possible but everyone may not believe. So whatever must be done to heal the old wounds, forgive offenders, release negative attitudes, clear the clutter, let go of the baggage and "Pack Light", it's best to get to it. Self help books, hypnosis, therapy, chanting, yoga and I'm sure there are many other methods... holding in the anger and issues is a surefire route to Misery and Singledom.
I have a girlfriend with a Deelishis bootie who can't keep a man. She also has a beautiful face so that's not it either. She has some serious issues though. She's judgmental. She thinks that everyone excluding herself is ugly. I've tried talking to her and now I just pray for her. Her really good friends are just like her... but all of them are single. Nuff said.
In this day and age when everything we want and desire is available and attainable, the same goes for relationships. Some woman is out there right now, reading her Iyanla Vanzant books, she's in the gym sweating it out, she's got that weave or that short cut working, her clothes are tight and her attitude is right, she's got her own car, her own home or apartment - She's Ready. When or if Mr. Right comes along, he's going to find her balanced, loving and ready. She's done all her work to be a good mate. She's not waiting for Mr. Right to come along so she can prepare herself, get herself together and hope he'll be patient. She's done the behind the scenes labor and it's simply because she loves herself enough to put in the work. Meeting a potential mate, that's a bonus! How 'bout that?!"Feels so good, when you're doing all the things that you want to do
Get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new
Keep your head up high
In yourself, believe in you, believe in me
Having a really good time, I'm not complaining
And I'm a still wear a smile if it raining
I got to enjoy myself regardless
I appreciate life, I'm so glad I got mine"
--Mary J. Blige "Just Fine"
K's Love List
31. Has a good number of friends and knows how to be a good friend
32. A good kisser
33. Passionate and forgiving
34. Quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger
36. Doesn't unnecessarily criticize or put down
37. A very good listener
38. Makes time to truly get to know me, my interests, my dislikes, my many, many moods
39. Has little to no baggage
40. Very, very affectionate
If you want to check out a love list supreme, check out Lovebabz's Love List
If you want to know just How "Magic" Lists Work