Thursday, July 10, 2008

Think Twice... Love List Thursdays

I was inspired to write this post by a post written by Ticia entitled What If

In 2002 I received an email from one of my ex-boyfriends. I was apprehensive about communicating with him again. In a way I wanted to know how he was doing. While at the same time he was an ex and once I make up my mind to end an involvement, I normally do not go back. In this case, the idea of even considering going back frightened me.

I was young when I met this ex-boyfriend. I have always been gullible and through life experiences and discernment I have learned not to trust so easily. Yet I trusted him and I fell in love with him almost immediately.

While we dated he was physically and verbally abusive. He cheated on me and all the while we dated my self-esteem diminished. I was never one of those women who thought that if a man put his hands on you, he loves you. I knew he could not possibly love me but I stayed with him because I wanted him to stop hurting me and to love me as I deserved.

I won’t tell you that I was a victim because if he lifted his hand to me, I lifted mine right back though I’m sure I’m the only one who still carries the scars and memories of our fights. Through it all, I deeply desired to hurt him back for all of the bad he did to me. When an opportunity presented itself for me to hurt him, I jumped at it. He was destroyed by what I did to him and I was not happy with myself at all. I learned that healing will never come through revenge.

Late one night in 2002 he called my home. I remember lying in bed when the phone rang and after we exchanged greetings, he told me he called me just to say the he was sorry. He knew that I had my heart broken plenty since our relationship ended and he thought that he was to blame for what happened to me so he apologized to me for blatantly cheating on me and lying about it. He apologized for beating me unconscious and pushing me down a flight of stairs. He apologized for hurting me and my family and he told me that he desired to get back with me.

I considered getting back with him, starting over. By letting him in and talking to him, my old ways were upon me. But I was older and wiser too. Something told me to ask him one pertinent question and that was “If you lose your head and get angry about anything, will you put your hands on me again?” and he honestly answered me and told me that he couldn’t say no. That was all I needed to know and even though he came back apologetic, which I accepted, I knew that my past should remain behind me.

A lot of women don’t receive “the apology” when we’ve been hurt by men. I was happy to hear it, I needed to hear it but I acquired strength and self-love through the years and I knew I didn’t want nor need him intimately in my life.

K’s Love List

41. Loves and takes pride in himself
42. Emotionally stable and secure
43. Thinks with his mind and not his penis
44. Seeks and allows God to direct his actions, thoughts and words
45. Slow to blame
46. Willing to admit wrongdoings
47. Willing to change
48. Slow to argue and quick to seek harmony
49. Will love me, respect me and honor me daily
50. Enjoys watching old episodes of the Twilight Zone

If you wanna check out a love list supreme, check out Lovebabz's Love List

If you wanna know just How "Magic" Lists Work

Click on the label The Love List to read all Love List entries


Lovebabz said...

Sister, CONGRATS on your very own LOVE LIST!

And leave that Brother alone...he is an ex for a reason! I am glad he apologized to you and you felt good about that. Hold him in your prayers, but do not invite him into your heart.

You are amazing!

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

I recieved an apology from my ex husband. It was nice to get.

An ex is an ex for a reason. That is what people say. Then, I hear of people who say that they reconnected with an ex and things were better than before.

I don't know and I can't judge or offer advise.
Well, one thing, if the man displayed violent behavior than leave him alone.

One day, I need to think of a love list. I am sure it will be good for me.

MsKnowitAll said...

Lovebabz... thank you so much! He is definitely an ex and remains in my past.

MsKnowitAll said...

Queen... the love list is amazing! Please try it, plus you owe it to you to document what you want and release it to the universe.

Oh my ex is definitely an ex and will remain so. I cannot stress it enough.

Ticia said...

Thanks for the shout out...

What if.. is so powerful.....

I am thinking about my what if too - and I have a question that changes the course of his intentions... I have yet to ask it...because its not time ...

But..its so true about being in a place with a wiser and older mind..... and a protective heart....

Congrats to you!

Ticia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MsKnowitAll said...

Ticia... thanks for the inspiration and for the congrats. It's a blessing to look back and see where you were young and vulnerable and now stronger and seasoned.

Monique said...

Good for you. I too am victim of an abusive relationship, I too have been pushed down a flight of stairs and had her spirit broken. I stayed because I felt obligated and that no one else would want me. It's truly the inner strength, love of others and the grace of God that I got of that relationship. I tell people all the time that my sorority saved me life (long story for another day). Good for you forgiving him. You're an even better person just for that.

MsKnowitAll said...

Monique... thank you. It took a lot to forgive him because for a very long time I was also afraid of him and very angry. I still see and feel my physical scars everyday and to not have any feelings - hurt nor love is truly a blessing.

Anonymous said...

I can relate. I was pushed down a flight of stairs and slapped so hard I saw stars. Even though the physical scars vanished, the emotional scars lingered in my spirit. I was mentally broken. Now that I am older and wiser, I am definitely healed.
Thanks for sharing your story. By the way I love your blog!

Mizrepresent said...

Wow, i'm so glad you decided to walk away from that proposition. You are the better for it, once an abuser, always one.

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

I can think of things I don't want. What I want is a struggle.

MsKnowitAll said...

R... thanks for coming through. You are welcome to visit and comment as much as you like!

When I think about my past, boy have I lived, I can definitely see my growth and healing as you...

Mizrepresent... I'm glad that I walked away as well. No looking back & no regrets.

Queen... you and me both, no more drama!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing your story.

It amazes me at how many times I have thought of going back...for whatever reason. But I guess as the saying goes, an ex is an ex for a reason. Though I do believe in second chances, I don't believe that we should allow someone another opportunity to tear us down or lose our spiritual and emotional balance.

Glad to you for not allowing that spirit back into your life.

MsKnowitAll said...

Jewells... an ex is definitely an ex for a reason. I agree with your comment entirely and I thank you. I am so glad that I didn't open that door with him again.