I Know I'm Snappish - Blame it on the Estrogen!!! - Part 2

I've got this co-worker who makes countless offensive comments and though I really didn't cut her as deep as I wanted to today, once again I had to shut her down. We have bouts all of the time, sometimes I like her, today I do not and the days of me not liking her are becoming continual. For the sake of this post, we'll call her Saki.
Part 1 of Saki's offense today was telling me that I was raised by a single mother. We've worked together for 6 years and while we're not best friends, we are fairly close. I have never told her that I was raised by a single mother. My parents are very much married and have been for the past 31 years. And today was not the first time she made this comment, but it was the first time in about 3 years that I got rigid with her behind.
Part 2 of her offense was telling me that most single mothers are on public assistance. Now I know that she really meant to say that most women of color who are single mothers are on public assistance since that's what she thinks because she buys into a lot of stereotypes. A few weeks ago she tells me that an old co-worker who went out on maternity leave and didn't come back was "fortunate to be on welfare and didn't have to work". I've remained cool with this co-worker who has relocated to Florida and is working as an ESL teacher.


Today's conversation....
Saki: How was your Thanksgiving? Did your mom cook?
Me: My Thanksgiving was very nice. My mom didn't cook this year because she worked.
Saki: Your mom still works at the museum?
Me: Yes but she worked at her other job on Thanksgiving.
Saki: Your mother sure works a lot of job, you know I'm surprise your mom was a single mom and she work because most single moms doooo...... (The grammatical errors are on purpose and nope she didn't get to finish this comment).
Me: (Imagine the Black girl base in the voice & my supervisor slowly walking past my cubicle) You know what Saki, this is the 2nd time you made a sly comment about my mother and the 1st time I politely told you that my mother is married to my father but if you don't know something, which happens a lot of the time, you need to ask first because making these fly comments will get your feelings hurt.

I could have continued but all I really wanted to do was whap her straight in the face. Saki makes comments like these all the time and no amount of me getting loud with her is going to stop her, not unless I just reach out and slap her ass or travel my butt down to personnel like she threatened to do one time when I got a little stern with her.
A co-worker tells me the other day, "you know Saki really likes you, she just doesn't think before she speaks". Ummm, you know what? That's exactly why I don't like her! I could care less if she likes me! I just really want her to shut the hell up. In the past she's told me that she saw a picture of me and she thought it was a monkey. She told me that I must brush my teeth with cocaine because they are so white. So told my co-worker with natural hair that in her country they say that her hair is "broccoli hair" and so many other comments that for some reason I cannot remember at this moment.
And you would think that this would stop her from coming to my desk today but nooooo, that skuz came back when my supervisor left and she took one of my potato chips from the bag on my desk.

Saki: You are going to get high blood pressure from these potato chips.
(By the way, they were low salt potato chips)
Me: SAKI, IT'S AFTER 4:00 WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO THE HELL HOME ALREADY!!!!!

So here I sit, Saki free because that heifer took my advice and went home and I don't have to call on my mama, my baby, or my friends for bail money. I am a little worked up with the right leg bouncing but I'm chillin' with some Amel Larrieux and my spicy but low salt potato chips waiting for clock out time.

Back to Work!

It’s something about Mondays… I come back to work after the weekend and I just long for the mattress, the down comforter and the remote control. Instead I roll up in this crazy Library…

Someone stole my co-worker, Saki’s, sneakers. Me and Saki wear the same size. Well not really. She wears about a half-size smaller than I do. I tried her sneakers on once and they just fit. I told her that there were really cute and they were. A nice little orange and silver pair of N.ikes.

We all keep an extra pair of shoes here at the office. I have a box and I keep 2 pairs of boots, 2 pairs of slippers and some flats under my desk. I know it was a staff member, security or maintenance, since the public has no access to this area and the public wouldn’t think to look under the desk and find a darn near new pair of sneakers and walk about without security ready to grab them up. Plus there are cameras everywhere.

While Saki is yelling and ranting about someone stealing her sneakers she turns to me and says “they even fit you, remember when you tried them on?” I hope like hell Saki doesn’t think I stole her damned sneakers!!!! I don’t even wear sneakers. I like them but I look crazy in them.

That reminded me of a time when a woman who worked in the Library, but in a different department, lost her David Yurman topaz ring. She left it in the bathroom. She said it was a family heirloom and even offered an award for it. She never found the ring.

I happen to have a topaz ring. It is no where near being a David Yurman but it is just as chunky as his rings are. One day Saki was down in my office and she says to me, you have a topaz ring, suppose she comes to question you about it. 2 days later, the young lady who left her ring in the bathroom and another worker come into my office, bearing gifts of paper cups and plastic mugs. She gasps as she looks down at my topaz ring. She asks me if I know that she is the one who lost her ring. By now my face is all screwed up because I know Saki did not tell this woman to come and see if I had her ring. I told her that I knew it was her, I was sorry for her loss, and if I saw anyone with her ring I would be sure to let her or security know. Then she starts crying. Probably because she was fed untrue information and probably from looking at my ring and wanting hers back. I never questioned Saki about it. I should have but I know me and it would not have been pretty so I let it go.

I’m upset that Saki lost her nearly new pair of gym sneakers. I know how it feels and no one likes to have their private property taken from them. But if she repeats anything about me trying them sneakers on, Saki is definitely catching a case!

Ramblings

February is almost done and I can't believe that I've yet to make any 2008 changes. My days go by with simple continuance, monotony, mundane. It would be nice if the flip of months of the calendar could be the means for changing my life.

I could be in one of my depressed stage because I simply want to go to sleep and wake up somebody else... A skinny somebody... A taller somebody... A wealthy somebody... but I'd probably have lingering issues and problems that I couldn't have imagined... nah, I'm good just being K... but I think I need to hit the sack before 12:30 a.m. because my ole body is telling me that 6 hours of rest ain't cutting it no more.

PROCRASTINATION IS THE THIEF OF TIME! And I procrastinate all of the time. I do some serious positive self-talking to get my lazy butt up and do the things like I need to do... like getting to work... rather than journal and daydream.

And then there's this thing I have with being on time... I'm not. I'm late for work everyday but once again I'm thankful that I work for such a flexible establishment... I'm not even bragging about being late because it's like a sickness or something that I just can't shake. For the past 2 days I woke up earlier than 6:30 and I still arrived to work by 9:50 a.m.! Well there was a slight train delay today so I may have been at work by 9:40 but it's still not 9:30 (the real time I'm scheduled to be in). I used to arrive in the office around 8:50 a.m. back in the day... like around 4 years ago... geesh!

My co-worker Saki is due for another lashing... I thought I was scornful but that chick has got me beat. My other co-worker, CB, has a cold that I think I may be catching by the way. If I find myself sneezing in multiples again, then I'll know it's her germs that caused it because yesterday she sneezed about 15 times in a row. Anyway, CB helped me replace the water bottle for the water cooler and Saki comes running with a tissue to wipe the bottle down. I'm cracking up thinking about it but at the time it was not funny. Me and CB kinda sorta ganged up on her but Saki is oblivious. Mind you CB didn't put her hand in the water. No she just touched the bottle that nobody touches unless they will be replacing it once it's empty and since Saki doesn't do that, she doesn't have a thing to worry about. Unless CB's germs are gonna crawl and squirm into the water and infect all who drink it. Saki could have rubbed some alcohol on the bottle of water... or she could have had some hand sanitizer on the tissue but she just used a dry K.leenex.

I had this crazy dream last night that me and my co-workers were doing the "Remember the Time" dance in some dance studio. We were all doing the dance on step, in time, in the beginning but towards the end we forgot the dance moves and of course I was embarrassed since I'm a trained dancer and all and this dude that I used to date at work was in the back, not dancing, and looking at me like I was some fiasco. Then my other co-worker, who I'll call R. comes over with his hand on his hip and says "Honey, I don't know why they teach us these stupid little dances when we're going to Long Island City anyway". I guess I have subliminal issues about my job grouping a bunch of related divisions and relocating all of us into a single building in a whole 'nother borough.

I can't seem to shake Ayo's "Down on My Knee's" out of my head. I've been dancing to the song and singing the chorus all day long. "Down on my knees... I'm begging you..."

Last thing... the fire alarm goes off in the building and it's almost 5:00 p.m. I'm due to stay at work until 5:50... but I'm tempted to grab my bag, coat and put my boots back on so I can head skraight home. I'm in the middle of blogging anyway, so I opt to stay at work when Saki comes over to me, leaving her desk and walking all the way over to mine just to tell me to call security. I know her accent is thick and she may not articulate as well as the other people in our department so I just slip my head phones on and turn Musiq up a little louder...

Random Words I Type... Helluva Week

• One of the holy hell raisers here at my j-o-b decided to give me a copy of the book "The Divine Revelation of Hell". Now why would anyone want to read that?!?! And why does she think I would be intrigued by any revelation of hell? Who would write this? Some woman named Mary K. Baxter. Has Mary K. visited hell? It must have been revealed to her in a vision as it was revealed to John... Isn't there enough evil in the world going round? What the hell? (Get that?) LOL
  Then I think the book belongs to her daughter... why would she give me a young adult book to read? Why is a young adult reading about the revelations of hell? If I didn't know better, I'd think she was praising the other team.

• I have been extremely accommodating at my job these past few months. I have been covering phones for other offices all the while busting down my work. Today I decided to skip work this morning and go and get my do done. I feel very badly for my hairdresser because she had a heck of a job. My scalp hurt too much to part my hair so I put my tangled mess under a hat and she worked her magic. To CB: Yes, I went to the salon in the Bronx. I have 2 salons that I frequent. One in Brooklyn near my guy’s house and one in the Bronx. The Bronx does a better job. CB thinks it’s because I’m from the Bronx and your hair will only respond right if you get it done in your own borough.

• So on Tuesday, I dropped my MP3 player in the tracks and today while getting
  ready for work I realized I left 4 or 5 pairs of my jeans in the laundry mat last
  Saturday. Took me almost a darn week to realize they were gone! I went by there
  today and instead of the man telling me, “You know, we threw you
  clothes away” he tells me that I didn’t leave them there. I don’t feel too
  bad because the inner thigh was wearing out in all of them. LOL. But that’s
  what I get for rushing last week. Oh well! Time to go shopping!!!

• It’s been a helluva week. I’ve been fatigued like nobody’s business. I fell asleep on my co-worker during our lunch hour the other day. She thought I was bored but I was simply tired. After thinking it over, I realize it’s because I don’t exercise consistently anymore. I’ll try not to sweat out my touched up hair while getting active again. Darn, I’m yarning as I type!

• My co-workers Saki and CB did me a solid this week. They both fed me either lunch or dinner or sometimes both. It’s not that I asked them to but a sister was down to $5 and they were very generous. Saki was nice enough to give me a soup, you can’t go wrong with soup but there were some strange things I had to pick out of it first. So I told y’all, I told my mama - If I get sick from eating Saki's soup because she may very well be trying to poison a sister, right here’s the proof!
  
  Y'ALL HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND!

Oh wait!

Here’s Farnsworth Bentley’s new video “Everybody”. I loves me some Andre 3000. If not for him and Kanye this song would be a bore. The video is hilarious!

It's My Anniversary...

I am learning that the Library is a big ole trap. The Library Trap. They trap you into working here for decades with the lure of Library School, better known as a Masters Degree in Information and Library Science. Then you're stuck here waiting on some older worker to retire or expire and hope that there is funding to keep the position open so you can apply and get the job. If or when that does happen, then you're here trying to learn that job, doing the job of others who have left and then the rest of the work is dumped on the remaining masses.

Today, they threw me a party to celebrate...

1. My birthday
2. My 11th anniversary

The food was delicious. The cake... ummm... was okay. No liquor. :(

In my department, we celebrate everyone's birthday, every year. Somebody please tell me why do they always try to surprise me? I always know when something is up. My co-workers leave the office area for long periods of time. CB comes over and asks me to escort her to the lounge for soda. How obvious can you people get?

That's me, front and center (I am sooo adorable). My supervisor is to the left with the locks. The one with her head of my shoulder is Ms. Liryc (fellow blogger), The far right is Shoba (Indian Princess Warrior), up above me is my homie.... I don't know if I should but I don't think she would be mad if I revealed her (but she may be mad because I posted this pic)... that's CB AKA Miss Stress (who also left the blog world suddenly and reemerged perhaps) and Ms. Ukraine is behind Warrior Princess. The photographer, my personal photographer (LOL) is on-the-job husband FP.

Then the anniversary.... First off, who celebrates 11 years on the job unless you're about to leave. 11 is an odd number! Secondly, they presented me with my 10 year pin today. Ummm, off by a year, huh? Yep. The library is definitely an off place. Thirdly, my 12 year anniversary is in January. My 11th year is almost over. So you mean to tell me I'm not worth 2 parties?

That's me holding up my teeeny 10 year pin. I can barely see it. But my cuff bracelet is cewt! Wonder Woman! (My baby gave it to me)

I loved the food and I'm so glad that I am taking most of it home. I have shrimp and veggies for dinner, along with chocolate strawberry shortcake and fruit. My co-worker Saki, yes Saki, paid for it. Well she can afford it actually because she's the only one of us who works because she wants to and for financial security just in case her husband pulls the strings on their marriage... But on a better note, me and Saki have gotten along better this year than in prior years and she loves me. We've outworked everyone else in this department, working together for 7 years.

All in all.... I'M HAPPY! I love this place. If I didn't, I would have crawled out of this library hole 8 years ago when I graduated with my undergrad. I would then be trapped with young'ns for 10 months a year, summers off. Who said library's don't know how to throw a party? For my tastes, all I need is good food and cake. A little bubbly snuck under the table by one of my cronies would have been nice-er.

Most of all, as always.... I'm thankful.

I Surrender

Superman: Easy, miss. I've got you. Lois Lane: You, you've got me? Who's got you?

I don't exactly when it happened. When I put this armor on, when I outwardly appeared to be strong, when those around me considered me their tower of strength. Actually I know exactly when it happened. It was during a troubling time when everyone in my life expected me to cave in and crumble. Instead I pulled myself up by my bootstraps, I relied on the strength that only God provides and I turned my life around.

It's funny how life's trials come in cycles...

It hit me yesterday, like a ton of bricks, that I am not as strong as "they" think I am, I am not as strong, at all, as I seem. Right now I am hurting. My heart is hurting, my mind is unfocused, after hours of sleep, I am tired but you would never know it judging my outward experience. Shoot, I'm fly as hell! But inwardly I'm a hot mess.

I am trying to be strong for my friend DC who is going through so much. She needs my shoulder, my support and kind words. I am putting on a good face for my sister-in-law and my niece as they are about to return to their home. And as much as I want to tell everyone that all I want to do is go into my secret place and cry out, scream and mend, I don't.

It's my fault and I totally blame me. Instead of smiling my way through my situations, I should show my vulnerability, I should outwardly cry instead of crying when I'm all alone. Instead when asked how's everything, I respond with All is well, I'm great, how you?, I can't complain. When really I want to soak up someone's shirt sleeves with my tears.

After a stressful day yesterday it dawned on me that I have no one to call on. I have no one to come by my home to stroke my head, tell me to stop doubting myself, tell me to take one day at a time. I'm actually finding that practically everyone I know is draining my energy. What is that?!!!

But then I realize that there is no such thing as coincidence and there is no coincidence that when I am reaching out to others, they are actually reaching back to me as their stress blocker, uplifter, sounding board, encourager. With the best of my ability I am a good daughter and a good friend, giving even when I'm empty.

However I can not hold together the lives of my family and friends. I barely have a handle on my own affairs. But I recognize my need for strength that no man nor woman can give me. I need a touch that is going to stimulate my soul. Unconditional. I need a supernatural power to dry my tears and mend my broken heart, restore my dreams and rebuild my vision. I throw up my hands and surrender. I sat right here at my desk and allowed the floodgates to open. I cried.

I cried over losses, heart breaks, over hurt feelings. I cried over my fears and doubts. I cried over the unknown. I cried out and then I surrendered. I surrendered the stressful areas of my life over to Him. I open myself to my truth - that I make mistakes. I open myself to learning from those mistakes.

Yesterday and most of today I was feeling like I was all by myself. When I started crying my co-worker Saki was idling around my desk and before I could stop my tears, she was upon me, rubbing my back and getting me water. I thank her tremendously.

But Saki doesn't know what I'm going through, no one does and I still have a problem getting down to the real of it and expressing it. Through my tears today, I silently gave all of my problems over to God and I heard him whispering in my ear... "No problem K, I got you".

I've Been Tagged Y'all... The Countdown Tag

I've been tagged by the True Urban Queen. I thank her for this wonderful exercise that provided me with the distraction I needed to keep me from doing my work. Thanks! LOL So far today I have only checked my email and smiled nicely at my supervisor as I explained to her "No I am not wearing a dress today because I have a job interview. I'm just cute like that."

The Rules
Link back to the person who tagged you.
Answer the questions
Tag 7 other bloggers
Let them know in the comments they were tagged.

10 random things about me:
I am a psychology buff
I still own and use a VCR
I own a huge collection of postcards
I have small feet for my height
I store my childhood dolls in my closet
I love to laugh
I am a self-proclaimed researcher
I am the baby of my family
I'm a daddy's girl
I am a feminist

9 ways to win my heart:
Speak kindly
Know how to cook for me
Love my family as I love them
Listen intently
Be a good friend
Be quick to forgive me
Always be patient
Freely give from the heart
Give me space

8 things I want to do before I die:
Take a tour of Egypt
Buy and own a house
Publish my work
Manage my own business
Have a nude portrait painted
Be TRULY debt free
Sail on seas
Get my PhD

7 ways to annoy me:
Don't listen to me
Cut me off when I'm talking
Bother me 1st thing when I walk into work (Thanks Saki)
Play loud music 1st thing in the morning
Dirty up my bathroom
Lie
Stir up ish

6 things I believe in:
God
World peace
The power of prayer
The hidden message of dreams
Karma
Destiny

5 things I am afraid of:
Poverty
Abandonment
Dirty bathrooms
My own strength
Drowning

4 of my favorite things:
Music
Poetry
Home washing machines
Chocolate

3 things I do daily:
Pray
Eat
Sleep

2 things I want to do within the hour:
Actually start to work
Eat my breakfast

1 person I want to see right now:
That woman who brings the checks

Also thankfully to the True Urban Queen herself, I have about 2 people to tag. LOL
Here goes:

Unforgiven
Ticia
Kay C, The Quiet Storm
Grace
Chezniki

Dreaming

Here's another post about my wacky dreams. I honestly had to laugh at this one because it was so dang crazy but here goes...

I was out with my mom shopping for clothes. I guess it was supposed to be in a department store but it looked like the wholesale stores down in the garment district. In walks James Earl Jones and he asked if he could take me to dinner and to the theatre. I accepted right away with a smile. My mother is standing there glaring at me, hating. My mom is in loooooooove with James Earl Jones.

He told me to pick out a dress and he would pay for it. So I grab this black number that looks very much like my black night gown that I wore to bed last night. I put the dress on and it looks different on me but looks too old for me. James comes over and starts to adjust the dress and I look into the mirror and suddenly I'm fabulous. The dress was sleeveless with a drape in the front, close fitting and very revealing.

So we leave the store and head off for dinner. We go to a very elegant restaurant where he shows me how and where to put my napkin, which kind of wine to order, which utensil to use. As if I don't already know and I go along for the sake of James Earl Jones giving me lessons.

Then he takes me home in a limo and he walks me to my apartment door. He leans in for a kiss, I tilt my head upward and it's the worst kiss ever. His lips are hard, the tongue is hard. Everything is wrong, wrong, wrong. Suddenly my apartment door swings open and there behind the door are my separated parents. My mother is mad as hell and my dad is equally mad. I tell James good night and I head inside.

CHANGE

I am in the beamer with my OTJ#2 boyfriend, from here on I will refer to him as JT. So JT is driving and he makes an illegal u-turn on the Grand Concourse. The Grand Concourse is this huge boulevard that runs through the Bronx. After the u-ey, JT turns into my guy and I'm yelling at him for driving so reckless and possibly getting himself a ticket. JT/My guy, takes me to a party my co-workers are throwing. Saki is there along with my other co-workers, India and CB. The party has yet to begin and they are setting up and I know I need to leave in order to meet James Earl Jones for the theater. They are asking me to help put out the grapes, strawberries, pineapples and cake. The cake is left over cake from a cook out that me and my guy had 3 weeks ago and I'm livid that they are trying to feed me old cake.

CHANGE

I'm in a small room. CB is in the room with me. My guy is off in the corner mad - probably because I'm meeting James Earl Jones later on. And JT is in this room too. There's a twin size bed in the room that me and CB are laying on, chatting like school girls. I call my home phone to see if James called me because I'm running late so I'm thinking of rescheduling to the next evening but my dad answers the phone. I asked him what was he doing in my house and why was he answering my phone. He told me that he didn't like me dating a man around his age and that he thought I was just playing games with James and that I should be more focused and serious. I told him that I was serious and that I liked James a lot and I just wanted to be his friend. I told my dad to hang up, check my caller ID and my messages and to call me back in case James called. I didn't hear back from my father.

CB asks me how was it kissing James and I tell her how bad it was but I liked his companionship. Just then one of my friends, his name is Brown, Brown walks in. Now Brown has these beautifully full, luscious lips. When he walks in he says "Heyyyyyy! Special K! I jump over CB in the bed, meet Brown mid-air in an embrace and fall to the floor kissing him.

Then I wake up.

Don't ask me NUTHIN'! I don't know why I dreamt about James Earl Jones. I have no idea why my guy and JT were interchanging in my dream. I don't know why my guy was even there when I am clearly feeling James. Why am I kissing Brown with my guy in the room and JT - I dunno! It's just my crazy dreaming again. LOL

My - NEW AMERYKAH - Thoughts

Ahhhhhhh! It's 5:30 pm and everybody is gone... except for Saki. It's all right though because my headphones are on and I'm blasting NEW AMERYKAH!

I know, I know, I'm late! I just bought the CD last week Friday and I left it at home and in the package since. However, I have been chair dancing, hip shaking and head bobbing all day.

A few weeks ago I saw Ms. Badu on VH1 SoulStage. I love her transition and her growth is brilliant. There is nothing like seeing Erykah Badu live. I love the other neo-soul vocalists, I do, but Erykah....

My faves on the album so far are "The Healer", "Me", "Soldier", "Master Teacher" and "That Hump". That's half the album because there are only 10 songs.

I am moved yet I feel eerie by the song "Telephone".... a tribute to J. Dilla who passed away on February 10, 2006.

Erykah is gone be at Radio City in May and I know I'm late for this too but I've got to buy some tickets. My mother happens to work for the Cablevision subsidiaries and when I suggested that she pick up my tickets, she gave me one of the ugly looks... apparently a few years ago Badu was in concert and my mother worked her after party and Erykah asked for a napkin without acknowledging my mother with a hello nor a thank you. Every since my mama can't stand Erykah even though she credits with for being a helluva entertainer.

The only disappointment I have is that "Annie" is not on the CD. Now how can she not put that song on there! "Annie" is that funky song that is featured in the "Honey" video, which is similar to the "Hey Ya" video which was inspired by the Beatles performance on the Ed Sullivan Show sometime in the 1900s~lol.

Here is Ms. Badu singing "Annie" live on VH1 Soulstage....

video.vh1.com

I Know I'm Snappish - Blame it on the Estrogen!!! - Part 3

Okay it started with the morning commute...
I was waiting on the train at my station and some idiot is walking by. He's checking me and trying to get my attention but I'm ignoring him. So I'm looking down the tunnel to see if my train is arriving and this tard stands in my line of vision, so that I would have no choice but to look at him but after I squinted my eyes at him, he moved and he better had. I didn't have no other problem out of him.
And then...
As I get off at my stop, this older woman gets off before me. Instead of getting off and moving to the side before she digs deep into her pocketbook, she takes one step out of the train and stops RIGHT THERE as people are exiting the train. This is rush hour. I can't stress it enough. First off, I'm late for work, as usual, but this woman better be glad that I respect the elderly because I was right on her butt and ready to take her out but I stopped short and went around her. She wasn't really that old and I'm not saying that so that I won't be perceived as a threat to the elderly. Whatever her age, she should have been wise enough to steer clear of the masses exiting the train in the middle of rush hour.
And I finally...
Arrive into the office space and I have my don't mess with me face on that I have every morning. That's actually my natural face and I have to smile in order to not look mean. Now I'm still simmering from Saki's craziness yesterday, partly because I've been talking about it all night long and then her face is the first that I see. So I sit at my desk today and decide, you know what, I'm not playing this game. I'm playing the other game... First off, I'm posting on my desk the definition of harassment provided by the HR department, including the phone number and the next time she says something out of the way, I'm calling to ask some questions like...
Should I be alarmed:

• When a co-worker tells me that I will probably have children out of wedlock instead of following tradition and getting married first?
• When a co-worker tells me that I was a bad student and a devilish child?
• When a co-worker tells me that I speak and write very well for most Black people?
• When a co-worker asks me why am I always mad?
• When a co-worker tells me that most Black people like to buy brand names items with the logo/name all over it?

Or when she does non-verbal things like:

• Wiping her desk down with alcohol after I leave her area after she asked me to come over and help her with something.

Yeah I'm getting quite sick of her, moment by moment, and I think she truly needs a wake up call or some fire under her butt because her ways and comments are hurtful and just not cool.

Vacation Days Off Re-Cap

Friday

I swear I think I work for my church more than I do for my 9 to 5 and I don't even get paid for it! Thankfully I had the day off but I still remained in my front of my home computer most of the day emailing, sending out letters, preparing church programs.
Then I went out to my church to finish the rest of my labor. Finally I was done "working" at 8:45 pm.
*I forgot to add when I first posted that I ordered my new phone from T-mobile. I'm so excited about it. It's got email, WiFi, video, photo and music abilities. So great, so great. It should arrive any day now.

Saturday

Boyfriend has a backyard, which we decided to furnish some more and clean up. What resulted is simply beautiful. The lawn furniture we picked out was reasonably priced and looks wonderful as we prepare for a summer full of grilling and outside parties. However my legs are bitten up by the nasty insects that lurked under the leaves and weeds. Literally, my legs are covered with huge red bumps. I look deformed. Silly of me to forget the OFF! So now I'm spraying myself with rubbing alcohol and rubbing hydrocortizone on my legs to prevent myself from scratching. I had a good scratch-fest last night though. I really wanted to wear a skirt to work this week! Oh well, summer pants for me.

Sunday

Back to the home improvement stores to return the unused items. A blower, some gloves and some other junk. We were prepared on Saturday and we did some damage out there but we didn't use all of equipment. We vegged out for the rest of the day and rewatched the BET Awards. I still love me some Maxwell.

Monday

I slept all day. I got up to eat twice but my tired eyes wouldn't focus on anything other than the inside of my lids until 4 pm. I needed the rest. I went back to bed at 11:00 pm and didn't miss a beat.

Today

Thank God for days off from work. My co-workers missed me. Saki even greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the neck. That shocked my socks and grossed me out a little. I don't kiss my co-workers and if I did, I'd rub my check against theirs not touch them with my lips, especially not the neck. What the heck was that? Anyway, I love my job. Good to be back!

*I forgot add when I first posted that last week Thursday was my sup's birthday and while she took off from work, so did my other co-workers and I was here all by my lonely. Yippee! Anyway, today they want to have an ice cream cake for her. It is also a very hormonal kind of a day for me, as far as my cravings go. :( Emotionally I'm great though! And so regretfully without my co-worker CB, it's turning into a Fat Girl Tuesday (FGT). CB, I'm thinking of you as I chomp on this chocolate cookie and my baked Lays.

*You know, just thinking about it, all of my on-the-job husbands already have actual wives... hmm...

Things I've Learned

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou

As the holiday season and the ending of this year is upon us, I am feeling reflective. After my issues with Saki and being volatile for the past couple of days, today I took the morning off to handle some around the house business but also because I needed to slow my thinking down and clear out my mental space. Lately I've been exhausted, bloated, unmotivated and bored but through it all, I'm filled with so much joy and I know that though life is a cycle and there are some unmotivated moments, boring moments, tiring times yet we are still moving, growing, improving. This year so many changes have taken place in my life and especially in my personal maturation so today I post what I've learned...

I've learned that:

• Time is precious and the present moment is a gift
• Life is ALL about choices
• When you don't make choices in your life, you live by default
• Cherish those you treasure
• Anger is contagious
• Give your time and energy to people and things that are worthy
• “Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character.Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.” -Frank Outlaw
• Repeat venting destroys the possible opportunity for healing
• Don't hold on to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and distance you from love
• “Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.” -Lou Holtz
• Love is self-empowering
• When you first trust yourself, it's easy to trust others

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What I've learned about myself...

I've learned that:

• When I trust in God, it really does make life easier
• I react first and think later
• I am a more loving woman when I'm in a stable relationship
• I am extremely and inexplicably sensitive
• I am interested in other people's lives (Some call it being nosy but wHaTeVeR!)
• I have a secret love affair with stationery of any kind
• I am temperamental
• I become bored very easily
• I appreciate quiet moments
• I cannot cook breakfast meals of any sort - Well I can cook them but I won't serve them to anyone but myself
• I am Queen Procrastinator
• I am hardly on time for anything except if I plan it and organize it days in advance
• I do not know it all - LOL
• I'm still learning about myself

Random Words I Type

* I forgot my book at home for 2 straight days or there would be more of the 61 things every well-spoken lady knows. But then again, I think that we blogger women could probably write 61 thousand things... and it would certainly be a best seller!

* I've got a matter of the heart, Kiaya. And the movie that best resembles my love life is Annie Hall. ?!?!?!

* I've got you over here who doesn't understand my thinking, my need for freedom, my love of all things beautiful, my devotion to my family and we've been together for the past few years and I love you and your daughter to death, through the rough and rocky and the joyous and happy.

* Then I've got you over here who I keep on bumping into. So what I knew you since 2002?! So what you're fine and you like serenading me, "Kisses Don't Lie"?! So what you're a beautiful struggling artist who keeps saying to me "No pressure, Special K, no pressure"?!

* All I know is that you're a big distraction... and I'm confused...

* I have officially turned into my office's terrorist. One stupid email from my sup's boss and I lost my ladiness. I demanded Saki buy me some chocolate cake-ah. I get mad at my replacement for occupying not one but two copy machines and I send off one not-so-nice email to my sup's supervisor. I haven't received a reply yet and I'm glad. I felt like flipping desks and chairs earlier.

* What would possess that fool to CC all of those people like I don't know what I'm talking about? I used to work for him and I used to run his office smoothly! Now suddenly he's questioning me and cc'ing folk who know that I'm correct because everyone's up on it, except for his dumb @ss!

* Why would they hire me to put out fires? Better yet, why would I apply for this position? I know it's been a year that I've been here but I don't like fires. Right now I just want some routine, monotony. Troubleshooting is my number one duty. My supervisor gave me a list of our duties and it's still tacked up on my cubbie wall.

* Now that I'm looking at the list of duties, I realize that I have been doing 5 of her 10, added to my 9. WHAT?!?!?!

* After not eating meat since May, I think tonight I want a mushroom angus burger from McDonald's.

* But I know it's just my hormones.

* You text message me "Thoughts of you leaves me day dreamin'" STOP! *~Smile~*... okay... (sigh) don't stop.

* I'm trying to find a clip from Harlem Nights when Danny Aiello had a taste of Sunshine and calls his wife to says "Barbara, it's Richie. I ain't never coming home no more. Take it easy." That's awful :(

* I've been talking to this dude and about this dude for 2 days! And smiling like a fool! My cheeks hurt.

* Either white nor off-white is my friend or because I look and feel humongous!

* You're energy, feels so damn good to me.... Now what am I supposed to do / When I want you in my world / How can I want you for myself / When I'm already someones girl?

* See it ain't nothing wrong with dreaming / Boy don't get me wrong / Cause every time I see you / I know just how strong / That my love is for my baby / But emotions just don't lie / Well I know I'm a lot of woman / But not enough to divide the pie

* I guess Ill see you next lifetime

I'm outta here! I told my guy to pick me up at the station around 7:30 and there's no way I'm making it out to East Newy in under an hour.

Friday Thoughts

Happy Friday All!!!! I hope each of you enjoys this upcoming weekend to the fullest.

Girl Scout Cookies... are the devil. Whoever sells them works for Satan. I bought 3 boxes, which I'm taking home to my partner and his child. Well the 1 and 1/2 boxes that I still have. Anyway, my co-worker, Saki, buys 4 boxes and won't take them home to her plus sized children but she'll keep them at the j-o-b for us to devour... and that's exactly what we've been doing. Thankfully I did as CB told me to do and spent 55 hours on my stationary bike this week. I'm happy with the results.

My parents... My Dad is still trying to mack my Mom. It's cute in a sick kind of way because they are still legally married after 31, almost 32 years but they have been separated for 15 years. My Dad has girlfriendS and my Mom knows the deal but it seems like he's only after her for one thing and my Mom is not impressed by him at all. Good for her! It's cute because he calls her asking her if she's available, telling her he wants to see her and all that. But he's not trying to wine and dine her, show her he's a changed better man. He just wants some action.... ILL

Springtime is something else... Now you see what people have been doing shacked up in the house all winter long. The train, the job, the churches, the nail salon, the department stores... PREGNANT WOMEN ARE EVERYWHERE! And it's warm today in NYC so jackets are off and tight t's are showing the business. I'm only slightly jealous.

That's all I'm coming up with right now... may post again later... may save it all for Monday. In any case...

Co-Workers.... Swiss

Co-Worker definition, according to Urbandictionary.com

co-worker:

Another person you are forced to be around 40+ hours a week in order to earn a
paycheck. Outside of work, you would NEVER want to associate with this person
except to point to them and tell the police, "Yeah, there's the idiot that stole
your squadcar right there Officer".

As is expected in a Library, I have some of the most annoying co-workers. Of course there's Saki, but there's another.... we'll call her Swiss, she has been laying down the sarcasm something serious yet passing it off as questions. For instance one day last week we were out to lunch, by we I mean me, FP and CB. Swiss pops up in the pizza shop and sits at our table. FP, CB and myself, we're brown people and we're having a very brown conversation. Swiss chimes in every now and again with a question or comment. We were not purposely discussing something that she could not understand but us 3 are always together and well, we don't really like Swiss and we were not trying to be inclusive.

The highlight of lunch was when I was talking to CB about kicking her out of my life. The term I used was from a previous private joke and Swiss says "What did you say about CB and a bucket of chicken?". That was the last straw and before I lost it, I got up and left the spot.

I know I should have said more. We weren't near Library property, I could have shoved my foot deep, pulled out the knives and started slicing but I simply walked away but I was mad as hell about it all day.

Anyway, I got some relief by youtubing one of my favorite scenes from the Austin Power trilogies. Here's to you Swiss!

Comfy Thursday

Today was snowy, wet, slushy and there was nothing more I wanted but some comfort. Instead I went to work and was so grateful that my supervisor left before lunch, one of my co-workers called in sick, one co-worker, Saki, left and didn't even say "Peace", and that left me with my closest co-worker/ associate/sister-friend and when me and her get to chit-chatting, no work gets done.

I'm grateful for...

• God and his tremendous blessings



• My co-worker, C.B., for her ear, her shoulder, her understanding, her friendship



• Quiet time after 4:00 pm so I can listen to some tunes and center my thoughts



• These beautiful flowers left by my "secret admirer" on the job



• The Alicia Keys, "As I Am" CD

"Wreckless Love"

Let's go back in time/When seeing your ID on mine/Made me crazy/Ooh baby I'm saying

Let's go back there
Let's take it there

I'm talking bout/Back in time/When you wanted to know my every move/Tired to keep it smooth/Keepin' up with me/You drove me crazy ohh baby

Let's go back there
Let's take it there

When you/Didn't know me/Didn't need me/I wanted to touch me/Couldn't leave me/I couldn't know how/Far it would go/I couldn't know if /This was for sure
We just could not/We just could not get enough of it baby, let's go


Have that wreckless love
That crazy love
That off the wall won't stop til I get enough kind of love
I need that love
So baby, let's go

Have that wreckless love
That crazy love
That I don't really care
We can have it anywhere
Kind of love
That wreckless love

Let's go back in time/When our kiss was brand new/An adventure not perfected/A little hesitant

Let's go back there
Let's take it there

Take it back in time/When forever was a minute, and eternity was a second/I'm stressing that we have to go back there/Let's take it there.

When you/Didn't know me/Didn't need me/I wanted to touch me/Couldn't leave me/I couldn't know how/Far it would go/I couldn't know if
This was for sure/We just could not/We just could not get enough of it baby , let's go

Have that wreckles love
That crazy love
That off the wall won't stop til I get enough kind of love
I need that love
So baby, let's go

Have that wreckless love
That crazy love
That I don't really care
We can have it anywhere
Kind of love
That wreckless love

Ooh baby, let's go

Have that wreckles love
That crazy love
That off the wall won't stop til I get enough kind of love
I need that love
So baby, let's go

Have that wreckless love
That crazy love
That I don't really care
We can have it anywhere
Kind of love
That wreckless love